What age did you start leaving kids alone?

[KizzyA]

My kids are too young to be left completely alone for sure (2 and 4.5). I mean, left in the house with a parent upstairs asleep or working whilst the other parent runs to the corner shop or does the nursery drop off. All walking distance within 5 mins.

My eldest isnt there yet but its yet another morning that I have to bring him on the nursery run whilst dh has lie in (he's been up all night with our 2yo). I just want to know how much longer mornings will be like this!

Fyi we have a nanny cam i could watch him on. Thanks! Ps. No hate please - I'm not suggesting I can do this yet.

It depends quite a bit on the child, OP. And whether you've got a safe set up in the home.

Thank you for your reply!

He's very sensible and cautious. Never had any issues with him doing anything safety wise, if anything he's too lazy to bother. My second is absolutely not the same story.

What does a safe set up look like? We have a stair gate, there aren't any plugs he can reach, we have a cooker lock.

It will depend on the child and circumstances, but you have at least another 5 years or so.

Around 8/9 for a few minutes (10-15) with a clear exit plan if there’s a fire and access to a device to call me on if there’s an emergency.

I still take my 7 year old with me if DH is asleep or working upstairs, but he is autistic and wouldn’t be safe left without adult supervision. My elder 2 I would have left at 6/7 in those circumstances. So it depends on the child!

Did you read the part where her DH is in the house? I don’t think she needs to wait until the child is 10 for that! At 10 you could leave them on their own for 5 minutes!

Another 5 years to leave a child when their other parent is asleep or working in another room of the house?

Thanks for all the replies! I suppose there might be a difference between asleep and working as would change what dh could hear going on. I think the 6/7 age sounds reasonable. Another couple of years to go then!

With DH in the house, I wouldnt hesitate to leave the 4.5yr old in the house (assuming id given him a nudge to say 'off out, DS is here watching tv, be back in 15mins").

Alone alone? I leave my 9.5yr old for 20-30mins if I need to pop out. And we have done the 'what to do in am emergency ' conversation several times.

Well, you need to run a risk assessment, consider what the worst case scenarios are and whether they can be mitigated.

So many variables! How deep a sleeper is your DH, how much does noise carry, etc etc

People have different approaches to this, and others can't really make that decision for you.

It isnt easy!

Thing is by the time you can leave them it’s also no problem to take them. Age 6/7 they just walk along beside you chatting. It’s good for them to get the exercise and fresh air….

I would have left my children at 4.5 with a parent asleep for the short time you describe if I had told the other parent the night before that I would be doing this and left the bedroom door open, and if I saw the child ready for it and understanding that they should wake the other parent if they ran into any problems.

A 4.5 year old would just walk alongside you chatting too wouldn’t they? The issue is more rushing them to get dressed and out the house when they don’t need to be, I think.

Our office space is in the loft, DD would often get dropped off and left to watch TV downstairs for a bit while I went to collect DS from nursery on the agreement that her Dad was upstairs and she could go get him at any time. Did this from year 1 onwards.

Although there was one day I thought DH was in and he'd actually gone out for a run, luckily DD didn't need anything and didn't notice I'd accidentally left her home alone age 7. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I leave my Y1 child watching TV for 20-30 mins while DH is upstairs working and I need to fetch my other DC from a club.
I wouldn’t leave a child without an adult in the house until maybe 10? My oldest is 8 and not ready to be left alone. She’s very sensible but I don’t think old enough to be fully responsible for her own safety.

I mean, I would happily leave both a 2 and 4 year old in the house with the other parent. Working, assuming they aren’t in a meeting, just open the door, shout I’m going out for 5 minutes and the working parent keeps a listen out. Sleeping, I’d plop them down with some toys in the bedroom. It’s more an issue of, are you disturbing Dh rather than is it safe? Certainly, at 2, mine would play in the other room while we were still in bed some weekend mornings. It was a safe space, I could hear them, they weren’t at risk of drinking calpol or choking on a grape or anything actually dangerous, just playing with their toys in their room for a bit. Mine were definitely playing outside unsupervised by 4, but we live very rurally and it’s very safe here.

With the other parent working I'd feel comfortable leaving a 4.5 year old so long as its not for long (more because it's unfair on the working parent) but asleep I'd rather wait until 5 or so, depending on the child.

Alone alone depends massively on the child, DD was fine staying home alone at 6, DS just turned 8 and has been home alone occasionally for short periods of time (20 minutes or so, if he gets home before either one of us but that's rare as he's a slow walker) but I'm not sure how he'd manage anything longer than an hour, which he will have to when its school holidays (no childcare for his age where I live)

Working in the house? DD was 4 because she loves her own company and knew exactly where the other parent was. If I popped out I’d always make her repeat back where DH was so I knew she’d listened.

DS is 4 now and doesn’t even like me going for a wee 🫠

Depends.

If a child’s left at home with one parent, it’s not the same as them being left at home alone. Provided they take full responsibility for supervising and safeguarding them, i.e. could live with themselves if the child came to harm. Lone parents have to do this all the time, even if they’ve been kept awake most of the night!

Obvs parents can’t be expected to work while supervising young children, other than for a short while now and again. In that case, it’s best to have the child in the room with them, so they know where they are and what they’re up to. Young children can be unaware of dangers (even ones they’ve been warned about) or do silly things when playing, because they’re absorbed in their play, e.g. putting things around their neck or in their mouth.

I’d wouldn’t have left mine completely unsupervised (i.e. someone fast asleep) at home, even for a few minutes, until late primary age, e.g. 8 or 9. However, I left them with their dad at every age, even if he was in bed, as he’d take responsibility for being aware of what they were up to.

It seems a little unreasonable for your DH not to offer to supervise for 5-10 mins, to save having to take your DC with you for every drop-off or run to the corner shop. When you have young kids, sleeping in is a luxury that’s usually only possible at weekends (if you take turns) or if kids are elsewhere. Again, lone parents have to supervise alone at home all the time, so 5-10 mins should be manageable.

My eldest I started leaving him for 5 mins while I nipped to the shop when he was 9/10. Now he’s 12.5 and I feel comfortable leaving him at home while we go out for a couple of hours. He has a phone and a key and knows not to answer the door to strangers or use the oven.

Completely alone I started leaving mine at 8 for 15 minutes while I dropped to a club etc. Now at 9 she’s on her own for an hour every day after school. In the house with a sleeping parent I’d probably have left at 4 maybe even 3. Just said daddy’s asleep wake him if you need anything. Depends on the child obviously.
Mine were 3 and 5 in Covid though and were left alone all day every day completely unsupervised while DH worked upstairs in the office and I was out at work at the hospital. So maybe this clouded my judgement as this was considered normal and expected at the time

Age 11 when they go to secondary. Don’t risk getting charged with neglect.