Worried about DD and food

[Bestfootforward11]

I’d be really grateful for any advice please. My DD is 12 and just started secondary school. She shares a lot and I think is genuinely really enjoying it- making new friends and doing new things etc. she’s always eaten well and never had an issue with food. But she is feeling very conscious of her body and says she feels fat. She has started doing 15 mins of Pilates videos in the evening and I’ve noticed she’s eating less at home saying she’s not hungry. I saw at the weekend that she had skipped lunch at school for most of last week. I didn’t raise it directly as I thought she’d be defensive but this morning she told me this herself. She switches between saying she knows she isn’t fat but feels it to saying she is fat compared to other girls. She said last week she didn’t feel better despite not eating so I suggested she focus on eating normally this week and we work together on the feelings. I’d say the changes to her behaviour have been over 3-4 weeks. Should I involve the GP and/or counselling at this point? I’ve read early intervention is important but don’t know if this is too early and worry it might make things worse. Feeling very scared about where this could go and that she feels bad about herself. Thank you for any advice in advance x

When you said to focus on eating normally, what did she say/do/eat?

I think what you do next is very much dependent on the answer to that question.

Thank you so much for your reply. She said ok. She had a proper breakfast while we were talking. The parent pay app currently shows nothing for lunch at school at the moment but maybe it hasn’t gone through yet for me to see on the app.

I just checked again, she had a baguette!

We never used to buy food from school, instead we used to save our dinner money to spend elsewhere, usually sweets n cigarettes 🫣🫣🤣🤣

I think you need to help her deal with the issue. Look dispassionately at whether she is overweight or not.

If she is overweight, agree a healthy eating plan that does not involve skipping meals but will allow her to lose a little weight gradually.

if her weight is normal, find some guidance from a respected source that will reassure her. Then work on boosting her self confidence.

I also think it's important to know if she does struggle with her diet or if there is a difference to consider. I've been overweight since I was 12 (puberty hit me like a ton of bricks) so I think my advice would be different if it's just in her head or maybe something to think about with nutrition, etc.

My daughter is 13 and a dancer so that's filled with body issues so I'm super alert to it. Luckily her teachers so far are big into talking about nutrition as opposed to calorie counting, etc. but there have already been some comments from her about her appetite (massive, she has dance for hours most days so needs to eat a lot to keep her energy up). I just reiterate what her teachers say but it would be different if she was more like I was at her age (almost no activity and way too many sweets)

Ok so she is listening to you and seemingly eating. Sounds good.

Keep a bit of an eye on it and be wary if she starts going to the bathroom straight after meals. As that could be bulimia.

I have suffered from ED on and off for over 30 years. I really hope it isn't that. It may not be. It's a time when girls are vulnerable to such things though.

Don't put too much pressure on her but if it looks like she's losing weight and avoiding food again you should take her to the GP. Unfortunately ED services are very limited and overstretched. But hopefully it won't come to that. X

Do you have bathroom scales in the house? If you do I would remove them in case she is weighing herself. Then if she reacts to them not being there, that’s a definite warning sign.