Returning to work full-time after mat leave !

[KTB34]

Hi all.

Wondered if anyone else has been in this boat, looking for some reassurance.

First time Mum due to go back to work in July baby will be just over 10 months old. Looking to go back full time.

Background, working in education in a senior role, took me a long time to get there. Geographically work less than a 5min drive to work and the nursery we have picked is also within walking distance. So no long commutes!

I have loved being off with my baby (obviously have had some hard times) but the thought of leaving him every day makes me feel sick. I am looking forward to going back to work and having another purpose outside of being Mummy. But I can’t help feeling guilty of leaving him in childcare full time.

Has anybody got anything they can tell me to help me feel better about it. I have considered 4 days but would lose close to £9.5k a year just by dropping a day. Given our outgoings will be going up and we want to move house and possibly another baby in the future I think this is a massive financial loss.

Any other Mummy’s out there who have returns full time, how did you cope with these feelings?

TIA

What about if you both did 4 days? My friend is a teacher and for her going back 5 days was not much more money than 3 due to the extra childcare costs.

In some ways similar but I returned it work part-time for 3 days a week for a year. I returned to full-time when DD was a little over 2 years old.

Really enjoyed returning to work. I think being able to move about in other modes other than mummy-mode was great. I missed DD but I also missed that old me - the one who worked hard for her position and enjoyed the independence of working. It didn’t take long for me to switch modes and enjoy adult conversation. I can’t recall feeling guilty too much except the odd time here and there.

DD is a social butterfly and she is doing things I wouldn’t have been able to teach her. I don’t have time, don’t have patience, don’t know, inexperienced new mum and no help from family - daycare helped in many ways.

Good luck with your return to work.

Thank you all for the new posts. It helps to read everyone’s experiences 🙂

I’m in the same boat as you. I know countless women with older children whose children went into nursery at a similar age and they all seem to be thriving so try not to worry. I actually think the consistency of environment can be beneficial rather than 1 day here, there etc

If you and your partner has different A/L when do you go on holiday?
Me and my husband has the exact same A/L dates so we can go away, I couldn’t deal with not having the same time off

@BrendaSmall Definetely advise that depends on your personal context. My DH gets 21 days AL a year, I get 35. He gets time in lieu for bank holidays he has to work, so we end up with a lot of days. We take at least 2 weeks together, then try take ad hoc "spoil the kids" days to shorten their weeks.

I went back full time as there was no other option financially. Baby was fine. But chose to go with a childminder close to home until baby was 2. Then moved to nursery from 2-starting school. That worked well for us.

DH and I both worked full time from the time our kids were 10-12 months old. We both did compress our hours, so we each worked a 4.5 day week and he had the morning off while I had the afternoon.

My own experience is that I'm glad I did that (very intense and exhausting) period, especially with my first, as it got me further advancement and flexibiltiy.

It's really hard balance but if you can find good childcare that you're happy with, my own experience is that kids need you around more, not less, as they get older. It's not as intense from a childcare point of view but their needs become much more emotionally complex and needing parental involvement, and their hobbies tend to require a bit more flexibility too!

They are now 14 and 10. 14 year old definitely struggled more to settle in to nursery but ended up loving it, despite being almost painfully shy in nursery and primary school. He's now in secondary and he's confident, grounded, achieving well, involved in loads of extra-curricular things and is generally an all around delight to be around. Made me endless cups of tea and Lemsips when I was ill recently and cooked dinner for his brother (who is also great.)

Which is (a) to brag about my kid because he's ace and (b) to demonstrate that a lot of nursery from an early age doesn't turn out sociopaths.

My one piece of advice is to make sure that your husband's job is never more important than yours when it comes to sick days, nursery closures, drop offs and pick ups, etc.

Drop a day, they are only little for such a short amount of time, in 20 years you won’t regret it

Apart from when you look at your pension. most women never ever go back to 100% as it only gets harder. Nursery is the easy bit

Hi, I’m also senior in education. I decided to take the cut and go back part time. It was a stretch initially for us financially but just about affordable. I honestly would only go back FT if you absolutely have to.

My husband get TOIL and he can accumulate a lot more leave than I get, so I take unpaid leave too

OP, I’m in school leadership with 3 young DC aged 7, 3, and 1. I went back full time after mat leave when they were 6 months, 7 months, and 13 months respectively.

While I wish I could have stayed home longer, or worked part time, ultimately I’m glad I’ve played the long game by keeping my career going. I’m moving back to my home country and have my pick of school leadership positions due to my international experience. The salary is really high. I get all the school holidays with my kids. The kids can go to the same school as me if I wish. While I open my laptop once they’re in bed, I can walk out the door at 4pm and have the whole afternoon with them.

I really think that, as long as you love the profession, teaching or school-based work is the most easily balanced with family life. I had a high level exec role for a govt institution until my firstborn was 1, and it was impossible to manage with a baby.

Would you lose your leadership position if you dropped down to 4 days? I’ve never worked at a school with leadership working part time, but I appreciate that it’s different everywhere.

The plural of mummy is mummies.

Me and my husband pay equally into our pensions

I think that you have to give returning full time a go, as I do think that it could work with your set up. The salary difference could help with setting up some things to make life easier and maximise the time you spend with your child (cleaner, ironing service, meal boxes, weekend treats). Maybe a re-think if you do have a second child. I was distraught at the prospect at first, but it was fine.

You are an exception. most when going parttime have significantly smaller pensions as a consequence