Returning to work full-time after mat leave !

[KTB34]

Hi all.

Wondered if anyone else has been in this boat, looking for some reassurance.

First time Mum due to go back to work in July baby will be just over 10 months old. Looking to go back full time.

Background, working in education in a senior role, took me a long time to get there. Geographically work less than a 5min drive to work and the nursery we have picked is also within walking distance. So no long commutes!

I have loved being off with my baby (obviously have had some hard times) but the thought of leaving him every day makes me feel sick. I am looking forward to going back to work and having another purpose outside of being Mummy. But I can’t help feeling guilty of leaving him in childcare full time.

Has anybody got anything they can tell me to help me feel better about it. I have considered 4 days but would lose close to £9.5k a year just by dropping a day. Given our outgoings will be going up and we want to move house and possibly another baby in the future I think this is a massive financial loss.

Any other Mummy’s out there who have returns full time, how did you cope with these feelings?

TIA

I went back full-time after 9 months with my first DC. I was dreading it! It was absolutely fine and she thrived in childcare. She's a confident kid who's doing extremely well at school now. If you have reliable, excellent quality childcare I think the outcome for kids is good. With my second I took longer off and went back part-time and although I preferred that I can't say she was happier than her sister was in FT childcare and her sister is more outgoing and the higher achiever in school. It might be her sister was more suited to earlier FT childcare though.

I didn’t have a lot of choice back in the day, I went back to a senior management role in the public sector when DC was just over 4 months old (may leave was 14 weeks then, and I added the unpaid month allowed at the end). DC went to Creche near the office so commuted with DH and I, which was better when there were bugs during the day that needed DC to be taken home. And later, the odd night there were issues (mostly traffic gridlock on occasions - I could pull into a parking space and feed DC in the back seat, then drive on as the traffic moved again).

It was hard work, but I didn’t have an option. I got incredibly organised to have dinner ready to cook as soon as I got home, bags packed for the morning the night before and breakfast/ clothes laid out for morning as well, routines for housework and food shopping etc. DH did a lot too, including sharing cover for DC illness and juggling our combined work diaries for that.

I went back full time after 10 months off too, its hard but I just learnt to appreciate the time off that I got to spend with my daughter a little bit more, work hard play harder and all that.
I also went back with the thought that I do want more children and didnt want future maternity pay to be calculated part time, its tough as it is. I then had my second 5 years later so a nice age gap. In that time I also had promotions that I don't think I would have, had I been part time

If you want a second child in the not too distant future, I’d go back full time. You’re presumably term time only? So will have good stretches with them at home. You’ll also keep up your earning for your next mat leave (well, depending on your policy) plus great for pension etc. you’ve spent a long time getting there, re-asses when you’ve got the two. Plus you could always pull them out for the second may leave if you wanted to, so there’s another 6-12 month stretch at home with them whilst relatively young.

Oh wow 0800-1600 are great hours!! Especially with everything close together. You’ll soon get into a routine. Ours loved nursery. Also those hours are going to be great when they start school in a few years!!

I went back to work full time when my son was 7 months. Daunting and incredibly hard but doable. And financially an excellent decision.

I went back full time when my son was ten months. He’s nearly 3 now and thriving. I found it so much less hard than I thought to be honest.

You just need to be organised imo. Reasonable commutes really help. I do 8-4 and my partner 9-5 to slightly reduce the hours he’s there.

I would love to drop a day but sadly can’t afford to and not lucky enough to have grandparent help like others.

If people have opinions on that then they are welcome to pay my mortgage.

Also I feel it really helps me and my partner feel like true equals. When mum goes part time I think it often ends with her doing everything for house/kids.

I went back to teaching full time after 9 months with my first and 6 months with my second. I found that the school holidays meant that I got nice big chunks of time with them.

I think the thought of it is worse than the reality.

I had 3 children and went back to full time work after each one, using a mixture of childminders, nursery, live in nannies and au pairs. It sounds terrible to some people but they have all grown up fine. I was surrounded by friends who went part time but we couldn’t afford it. They have grown up into lovely young men and whatever is the matter with them I don’t think you could put it down to having parents who had to work. We didn’t have much child free social life. We didn’t want it because we wanted to spend our spare time together as a family. So if you have to you have to. Don’t beat yourself up about it, and enjoy the time you have.

One caveat. My husband and I shared all tasks equally. Cooking, cleaning, getting up (once breast feeding done). Took turns with lying in at the weekend. It’s fair enough to do most of it when you are on maternity leave but your husband needs to be an equal partner in the enterprise.

I went back to work full time my job is very hard to do part time and I watch my colleagues who are part time struggle and also wracking up extra hours.

I was nervous at first but once we were in a routine it worked well. My DS's loved nursery. We try to sit and have dinner together as a family most nights and you do have to be well prepped. We use the slow cooker for dinner a lot so that we aren't coming home then going straight for the kitchen.

Weekend time is family time which is very important to us and we are always exploring, playing or doing stuff.

My eldest adopted to school very easily due to nursery.

Thats fine if you have flexibility with the nursery. But you run the risk of the nursery having no availability on the days you then increase over a phased return to work.
My youngest is almost 22, I returned to work when he was 5 months old after maternity leave. I had to make the decision to return part-time set days or full-time as nursery explained they may not be able to accommodate the extra days over a period of time if I was able to do a phased return back to full-time hours.
Hope that all made sense.

I'd drop the day... 5 days in nursery is massive for a 10.month old. Baby v finances...baby wins every time

I’m in the exact same position as you, going back to a job in education in July. My baby will be 11 months old. We can’t afford for me to drop two days, but my school won’t let me only drop one. I feel ill at the thought of leaving him, but also ill at the thought of generally being back in for five days! I’m with you in solidarity!!!!

I went back fulltime, and very happy I did.
The nursery years are easy for working, primary school is a lot harder, keep that in mind!

I remember having to book a nursery place as soon as I was pregnant to get on the waiting list for our preferred place. Then we found out it would be twins so an anxious time making sure we had the second place for when they were six months old and my return to work.

I returned full-time with both July children and have always worked full-time. They both went to nursery full-time from 10/11 months old. It wasn't easy and I didn't like it but I had no choice as couldn't afford to drop a day. My kids are now 18 and 16 and they say they don't even remember. My exdh walked out 4 years ago and boy am i glad I always worked f/t and have a f/t pension. Financially I was in a good position to weather the storm of the divorce and buy him out.

Why is there no chance of your husband going part time? It doesn’t have to be all on you.

Loads of teachers are 0.8 or 0.6.

I would be doing whatever I could to have a young baby not in full time childcare whilst they are small. You can easily ramp up, as they get bigger.

The best I’ve seen it work is baby in nursery 3 days, mum and dad doing a day a week each.

Basically this. Both of mine were 6 months when I went back full-time, albeit on compressed hours after the second. Both have turned into delightful young adults, one at uni, one recently graduated and we remain a really close family who love spending time together (working DC is currently back home).
It does take some adjusting to but I'm happy that I continued in my career.

Why can't your H drop a day? Plenty of PT teachers around.

Imo 8-4 5 days and a 3pm on Friday isn't that bad. Presumably your H will have baby in most of the holidays too. Many nurseries make it almost as expensive for 4 days as 5 anyway because they struggle to fill one day.

btw, “you can easily work more when they are older” is technically true - but you are talking secondary school age.
Nursery and work is easy. Primary school and work is very difficult. And after working part time for 10 years, its not easy to get back

Hi all thank you everyone who has taken the time to respond been given a lot to think about. I didn’t even consider if I did go 4 days then wanted to go back to 5 if the nursery could even accommodate that. I also didn’t consider the impact on any future maternity entitlement if working part time!

We also wouldn’t have any help from grandparents as they all still work full time too.

Some of you has asked about why my Husband can’t go part time, the logistics and staffing in his department means it’s not possible at the moment.

I’ve just gone back FT after having my second. We do have to be incredibly organised as many others have said on this thread, meals and bags prepped the night before etc. My husband and I both work demanding roles in senior leadership and split everything with the kids/house down the middle. It can be full on, but it’s manageable if you want it to be. Our baby is FT in nursery and our older child is in primary with a mix of wrap around care and a Nanny. We really try not to miss bedtime and prioritise breakfast together every morning before one of us invariably has to leg it for the tube!

So many people told me I’d struggle to leave my babies and go back to work, and that just wasn’t true for me. I love my job,
I’m good at it, I worked hard to get to this place and I’m not giving up my financial independence frankly.

I would also say that July is still a while away and your baby is still small. You might start to feel differently closer to the time. I did.

I went back full time. Baby is with a nanny and I work remotely 4 days a week with one anchor day in the office.(London) Global corporate role not senior but well paid. (100k plus)
Little one has classes every morning, from music, to art, swimming, crafts etc which she does with her nanny, they get back home for lunch which I have with her. (Unless they have plans) Once she is down for a nap, nanny sorts dinner for us so after she leaves and my work day is over. I play with the baby, take her and the dog for a walk, do dinner with her, bath etc.. it isnt as hard as some people have it but there are days when I am sat at my desk and I feel utterly guilty for palming her off (when the reality is I don’t need the money) and I can live off what I have until she goes to preschool at 3! I will just put it out there. I don’t just feel guilty about leaving her, I feel guilty about enjoying my work and the time I get to think like a grown up! No easy answer it would seem from all the replies here. Just do what works for now, it isn’t sent in stone, 6 months from now you might want/feel different .

It won't be as bad as you think.

Drop of will be hard on the first day and you'll feel emotional. But once you are in a work context, you don't expect your baby to be there so, I'm not saying you don't miss them at all, but it's different.

You'll enjoy adult company and being you again once you get into the swing.

I went back when both mine were 10 months.

You probably will find the first week very long. If you can prepare a couple of meals in advance or chuck something in the slow cooker so you can enjoy your baby once you finish rather than faffing with tea it will help.

Personally I wasn't a bath every day person because it made the evenings feel rushed (it's not necessary for cleanliness) but I know for others it's part of the bedtime routine. Worth considering.

You'll really appreciate all the school holidays in a couple of years. That's lots of quality time.

The early years are tough, however you work it but it does get easier. For SAHMs they never get a break and things can become samey, part timers feel they are trying to do full time roles on less hours and split in two, full timers worry about the hours in nursery but nursery helps social development and settling at school.

We all make the best of our individual circumstances and you and your baby will soon adjust.

Me and DH both work FT and DS is in nursery 5 days from 8-6 (usually more like 8.20-5.40 but we can use 8-6 if needed).

I went back to work at 10 months and DH took the rest of the year as shared parental leave. DS did settle sessions, gradually working up from mornings to some full days in the final month before DH went back to work.

My workplace offered a slightly phased return (4 day weeks at 100% pay for a couple of months) and then I used annual leave to extend that pattern for a few more months.

DS settled really well into nursery and he spends loads of time playing outdoors, doing painting/crafts, dancing to music, reading books and eating healthy meals/snacks that are prepared on site. He has developed a lovely bond with his key worker and the other ladies in his room. He always runs over to me or DH with a massive grin at the end of the day.

The nursery bugs are the absolute worst though - between us DH and I have had to juggle probably about 20 days in the first year where DS has been sent home with a temperature etc. But if he was going 2 or 3 days a week he would still be exposed to the same germs. His immune system does seem to be building up recently and spring is on the horizon too now thank goodness!

I wouldn't want to work PT, be paid less and stall my career progression. I am a lawyer and earn more than DH, yet somehow it is only me and not DH that gets a surprised (judgmental?) comment every now and again about 'still' working FT...

If you have a supportive boss, a supportive DH/DP and a strong sense that your choice to work is the right thing for you and your family - it is all perfectly doable and even enjoyable (when no one is battling a bug...).

Good luck, it will be fine!!!