New second time mum

[Lid98]

Hi guys! Very tired and emotional here so bare with 🙃

I am 3 weeks into being a Mum to 2 boys, overall 2nd time around has honestly been so much calmer and less traumatic than first time around. The thing I'm finding most difficult is managing a very energetic 2.5 year old with a newborn who does nothing. I didn't expect to find this bit so overwhelming and it's filling me with a lot of mum guilt. My eldest doesn't nap at home and tbh requires a lot of engagement and ideally outdoors time. We have also decided to do some work in our kitchen so our house is chaos, meaning we are back and forth a lot atm. I just find it impossible to juggle both ATM. I really miss my eldest which sounds ridiculous, still recovering from c section so not at full capacity and my husband goes back to work Sunday and I'm terrified. Probs the hardest thing atm is when my eldest is bored he will go to hit newborn or put his feet to his head. I know it's not personal but it breaks my heart every time. Did anyone else have this type of behaviors and how did you manage it?

Any reassurance about 2 children life greatly received. V overstimulated and overwhelmed mumma over here

I don't want to leave you on 'Unanswered Threads'.

Most of us who have more than one dc have been there. Well, many of us won't have been recovering from major surgery at this point. Most of us would not have chosen to refurb the kitchen at that point either.

It is a bit scary, thinking about how you will manage.
Who do you have around who might be able to support you a little bit?
Friends?
Family?
Community?
Ask people. A lot of people won't want to intrude - they will assume you have your Mum or someone else supporting you when dh goes back to work, and won't want to necessarily intrude so early on. But I bet there will be people who would be delighted to come round for part of the day and play with your toddler, and cwtch a newborn whilst you read or do something else with your toddler.

I had slightly bigger age gap(3 yrs) so settled my son in preschool before baby came as similarly he needed a lot of outdoor time and stimulation. He just went 3 mornings a week to begin with and we had to pay until the universal 15 hrs kicked in but it really helped. Could you put him in a preschool or nursery a little too give yourself a break?

One little thing I found helped an older sibling feel reassured was having them sit with me for a cuddle/reading a story whilst I was breastfeeding. In terms of keeping him entertained, maybe going to baby/toddler groups or soft play? Hopefully he will play whilst you can chat/have a coffee.

Thanks guys for everyones advice. Eldest goes to nursery 2 days a week and that helps. We have inlaws near by but tbh and I think this is an emotional thing I'm finding them quite full on and don't really want their help atm, my eldest loves his Nana and just doesn't want to know me when she's around. I actually miss him already so this just adds to it.

I've brought a feeding basket of fidgets and books to help whilst I'm feeding and I've signed up to a new toddler group.

I know we will find our feet I just didn't expect to find managing my eldest the hardest part and I think it comes with a lot of mum guilt.

Did any of your eldest do the hitting/kicking?

There’s a book called ‘coping with 2’ which I found helpful (and I’m not really a self-help book person!) by 2 female authors, one of them was Simone something

Is there a sling that can be used safely with a c section scar, or when you’re more healed? I have a 3 year old and due my second so hoping so as otherwise I don’t know how I’ll keep up with my DD and will also be having a c section. Can you get a buggy board and push them along together? Soft play cafe if one in your area? I second pre school also. Good luck x