Weekend dad refusing to see his daughter because she’s been sick

[feliciamorrison]

Our 5 year old has been poorly this week with tonsillitis, but now she has a belly full of antibiotics and calpol she’s turned a corner. Dad is due to have her on Saturdays as per our agreement, but has decided against it today as he doesn’t want his household to get sick.
The mum guilt in me is saying he’s right and she stood stay home with me, but I also feel like parenting isn’t always sunshine and rainbows and should be able to care for her even though she has been sick. He works on the road so has never been home when she’s had any serious illnesses and the care has always fallen on me, which as a result I have become poorly too.
Today I’ve had to cancel the plans I’d made as he is outright refusing to have her spend the night and I’m annoyed because I have spent the best part of a week with sleepless nights caring for our child and I think I deserve a bit of a break.
AIBU here?

I mean, her dad is saying he doesn’t want to be near her, her mum is saying she deserves a break from her. It’s the kid who needs the help here, not the parents

I get his thinking but also what would he do if she was got sick at his ? I mean he'd have to deal with it.
I'd just tell him that he's got to take her personally and you're not prepared to cancel you plans.

Well isn’t he a precious little flower! And a completely useless father.
you can’t leave her with somebody inadequate when she’s ill so yes I guess that’s your plans knackered but I would make my feelings very clear - he is her father on good days and bad and needs to step up. Presumably there’s a new partner too? Are they influencing him as well do you think? Anyway he can have her next weekend right?

I have no issue with caring for our child, my issue is that it seems okay for him to decide against seeing her when I’ve been the one caring all week. I am exhausted.

Really depends on how well, or otherwise, your DD is. Looks like he wants fun time on a Saturday and it’s not happening today. Is she well enough to go? What’s in her interests? You are not being entirely fair and can she not go for a weekend when she’s better? In the circumstances, I see the annoyance but I think I would have accepted she stayed home this weekend.

I agree that it’s bad of him to refuse.

Lmao a typical part time dad then really.

it’s ok for the mums to be the one caring and looking after them when kids aren’t well but when it comes to the dad and it’s their time to have them ‘oh no, can’t have them here if they aren’t well unwell as we don’t want to get sick’

honestly pisses me off! Don’t worry I totally understand as I have the same with my child’s father!

Isn’t this your role though? Child care? I assume you don’t have a court agreement for fun Saturdays? Yes, he’s lightweight but you don’t seem to have negotiated a better arrangement and DD must come first if you want her back at school. I never found ill over taxing. They don’t do much! Shame you didn’t cancel earlier but you have responsibilities and dd comes first.

To whom does it seem okay for him to decide against seeing her? Him? He’s wrong. Just because he can refuse doesn’t mean he should.

Separately - and in exactly the same way as him - as a parent you have to care for her all day every day until she’s old enough to care for herself. Applies to you as much as to him. Yes, it’s exhausting. Children are exhausting.

The problem isn’t that he’s not taking turns. The problem is that you chose this idiot to have a baby with and now don’t have a court order in place for contact. Parenting is more than childcare, which is how you’re phrasing this. You sound like two employees, nurses on shift, with one refusing to pull his weight.

I think some replies are harsh. Of course it’s tiring and you thought you’d get a break but now he’s refusing it’s on you again.

Yes they are harsh! I totally understand OP that you will have been looking forward to a bit of down time, and that doesn't make you a bad parent. YANBU and he is being a snowflake

@Namingbaba But what do ill dc do that exhausts parents? Mine might have worken up in the night a bit but then slept in the day. Then you catch up and take it a bit easy. You aren’t running around after a tiring toddler. Op should have got a court agreement about days with dad.

number of posters siding with the dad 🙄🙄 mum is exhausted she needs a break and he should be stepping up.

He’s a dickhead he should be taking her, he’s treating parenting like it’s optional when for you it isn’t and that’s frustrating. It’s even more frustrating that he won’t see or appreciate that privilege and you’ll also be the one to have to deal with DDs emotions about her dad acting like that.
but you can’t make someone care for a child if they don’t want to.
So no it’s not fair to you or your dd, Just like how it’s not fair that most men won’t pay enough child support to actually support 50% of the child’s needs and that it’s not fair that dads are praised for far less than mums. Parenting is not fair but what are you gonna do.

Can see who the part time dads are in this thread and/or their enablers. Pretty sure OP didn't think he'd end up being a dead beat dad and a single mother when she had her child.

OP of course it isn't okay and he's a deadbeat, my advice, try not to get cross as the only person you're hurting is you. Accept he is a waste of space, it's quite liberating.

Op says in original post: “I have spent the best part of a week with sleepless nights caring for our child”

If she had strep A and has been on antibiotics for at least 24 then she shouldn't be infectious. Therefore she should be able to go to her dads. Have a look on the NHS guidelines.

I would not have her either, (grandchild probably in my case, from my husband's side), I don't have kids.
Therefore, I cannot bash her dad, even
if I understand it's tiresome to you.

Her dad should be willing to have her that's totally unfair. If she WANTS to stay home with you while she's unwell though that's different. Kids are both parents responsibility even if they're ill. And it absolutely can be exhausting if you've had sleepless nights because not every child sleeps in the day if they've been up through the night unwell. It can be relentless. But since its been left to you just take comfort that she's starting to feel better and its turning around. Even the best mums are allowed to say they need a little break

He's a poor excuse for a dad but you can't do anything about it. It's shit for her. Separated dads moan all the time about wanting 50/50 and equal parenting rights but when it comes to the crunch they want to pick what half they get.

Is your daughter sad she can’t go? Or is she happy to stay home while unwell rather than moving house mid virus?

@NamingbabaAnd what did she do in the daytime? I used to catch up on sleep. Plus according to everyone else, 24 hours of antibiotics and she’s fine!

Er… Work I imagine!!

OP, it’s shit, I’m sorry. Unless he has a newborn or an immunocompromised household member, I cannot see his justification.

This thread is batshit. It’s annoying that he just opts out. Deadbeat.

But to be honest I’d want her with me anyway.

Personally I would want my dc at home with me if they were unwell. Partly because I would want to look after them but also because I wouldn’t want to be moved from pillar to post if I was really unwell. I’d just want my home comforts and own bed. But it depends if she’s actually still really sick or if he’s just worried about her spreading germs. If it’s the latter then he’s pathetic and sounds very much like he’s shirking his responsibilities.