DD is in 'Friendship Group' at school arranged by teachers

[Bombalaya]

First post ever!

DD (8 years, year 4) recently told me that she goes to a 'Friendship Group' at school with three or four other girls. I wasn't sure exactly what this was so I asked her teacher and was told it was to promote friendship skills. I asked if she had problems with friends and was told no, but that she hadn't got a close group of friends and that was why she goes to this group. The teacher didn't really make it clear to me if there is a problem, but when I said that DD was happy at school and hadn't mentioned anything except minor conflicts with other girls, she said 'Oh that's good to hear', sort of as if it wasn't what she expected.

DD enjoys school, never tries to avoid, gets great reports, participates in lots of activities, has playdates, gets invited to parties and kids accept invitations to her parties. Up until year 4 teachers always told me she had lots of friends. She is the youngest in the class (and also the tallest!) and is quite young for her age, by that I mean she's not interested in things like makeup, phones and having 'boyfriends' as some of if the 9 year olds are. She loves cuddly toys and believes in Santa 😍. She's generally a really happy and positive child.

Recently she did tell me that some girls had picked on her a bit, but we discussed it and it seems to have stopped. But the friendship group predated this. Another thing she told me is that she prefers playing with the boys as she likes to run around rather than 'sit around talking' (her words). I talked to my sister who said that boys have different types of friendships than girls.

My questions to other girl mums are:
Are the school expecting her to fit into what 'normal' girl friendships look like?
Is the friendship group thing a common thing in primaries?
Is there anything I should do? Should I be worried? How can I support her? Does she even need support?

Help!

My sons had social skill support in Reception. Their school called it a nurture group and it was for kids who needed more confidence rather than a whole friendship group being supported.

Friendships were also covered in PSHE but that was for the whole class and it was discussing stuff like what makes a good friend.

I don’t know what to say as it sounds like the school is giving you contradictory info.

I think the main thing is to ask your daughter if she enjoys the group. If she does, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. She’s getting something from it. If she says no, you can discuss why she doesn’t enjoy it and perhaps talk to the teacher about her attending.

Was she given the choice of whether she wanted to attend this group or told she had to go? Does she enjoy it? Does it happen during break times and stop her being out playing with boys if that’s what she prefers?

Thanks for your reply! Yes it's confusing and a bit unclear as she seems so happy and well adjusted. Maybe I should ask for a formal meeting...I don't want to be a pushy helicopter parent 🤔

She seems to really enjoy the group...but she pretty much enjoys everything! I don't think she has a choice, but I'll ask her. I think the girls in the group get taken out of if class during music or something.

Are you sure this isn't something arranged for the whole yr meaning everyone gets put into a 'friendship group', rather than just your DD, at least that's how it reads to me.

Honestly, I wouldn’t be thrilled about it. The reasons should be clearly communicated and they haven’t been.

I was in a friendship group for a girl in my class 20 years ago so I guess it is pretty common. The friendship group I was in was disastrous! The girl had no pals because she was mean and a biter! My DD is part of one for a girl in her class who has SEN (autistic) it was put in place because she needed a bit of help with social cues and things like that. It has actually worked really well and DD is friends with her now, she’s been to our house a few times. I don’t think her and DD would have naturally become pals if I’m honest because this girl is a bit shy and DD is… not shy. I feel it has benefited them both.

If you want to know more I would ask for a meeting just to go over it and have a better understanding. I think that way you can know what to look out for and help your DD navigate it better.

I used to be a Reception teacher. I once observed that a particular girl was always on the edge of groups playing but never really involved. I arranged for a little group including this girl with the TA playing games. They weren't taken out of 'lessons' as such more in free play time. It worked really well and the girl I was concerned about became firm friends with another girl in the group which lasted throughout Primary school. Maybe it was something like this. Nothing sinister.

It wouldn’t bother me, bit I don’t think not being interested in make up or boyfriends makes your DD young for her age so I’d not be worrying. Unless the school have raised any particular concerns I’d let them crack on.

My kids primary use social groups as they call them. Kids go for a whole variety of reasons: some need help with social skills, some are anxious, some stuggled ti make friends etc.

If she enjoys it I’d leave her to it. You’re worrying about a problem that doesn’t se to exist

maybe she was put in the group to help the other girls because she didn't have a lose friend of her own that she would miss if separated? it might not be her that has difficulties sje might be the solution?

if she’s happy i’d leave it however it’s not been well handled re telling parents what’s happening. so you could mention that to someone senior next time the opportunity arises.

I wish Germany had this. They leave the kids to sort themselves out and miss the inevitable hierarchies and power dynamics that then occur. Promoting friendship and how to relate to each other is such a gift.

Thanks everyone! Seems as if the consensus is that I should get more info but generally not to worry. I guess what is confusing for me is that she seems so happy and unbothered by everything, but that needing to be in the group implies she has some skills to learn.

Not necessarily. The group I described above had a mixture including one in particular who was very skilled. It was just a fun way of introducing them to each other in a way.