Feel guilty for wanting a break

[Princessdiaries]

Realise I’m going to get some negative comments which I’m prepared for.

DD is 2.5. Single mum. Work Monday-Wednesday, with DD Thursday & Friday. We do a lot on our days off, swimming lessons every Thursday without fail, food shop, activities at home, play dates, park, whatever else you can think of really to spend time together and fill the time.

Saturday DD is with her father - I use the time to go to workout classes, get nails done, catch up with friends, catch up on house work or life admin, whatever else really.

I love my Saturdays - I feel burnt out and exhausted by Fridays and I look forward to the break. Despite her father being a tit, she always comes back happy, has a great time, and spends time with her cousins and sibling which is important for me as I want her to have close bonds to family as likely she’ll be an only child from my side.

My friends, and the consensus on social media, say that they never feel they want a break. The consensus is that they thrive with their kids and would rather them be with them sharing the moments. With my friends, they have amazing DPs who are really hands on, they share the load completely and share bedtimes etc. I don’t have this - I do dinner, bed, and bath, 6 days a week. Well dinner 4 tjmes if you minus the days she is at nursery.

I feel so guilty for feeling like this. I feel so bad for wanting space and time to myself and I do worry that I’ll look back in 20 years and regret missing time with my DD. However, it is hard because the here and now is that I do get burnt out and I’m a much better mum when I do have that space.

does anyone else feel like they need a break or is this just me.

Haha, I call bullshit 😂

We all want a break, most of the time. You are not alone.

Ignore Instagram.
Ignore what your friends say too.

I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to feel OP, but what I would say is that personally I think single parents definitely feel the need for a proper break more than families with both parents at home.

Single parents as you say are doing everything, all of the time they have their children whereas that isn’t the case (or shouldn’t be) in two parent households. My husband & I have two children and our children don’t sleep out or get looked after by family, we don’t feel we need a break from them in that sense BUT that’s because we both get breaks every day albeit for smaller chunks of time, but more regularly. He gets to shower and get ready in the morning in peace, I get to soak in the bath and wind down for bed in peace, we both get to pop to the gym or for a run, we both can go for lunch/dinner with a friend if we want to etc because there are two of us so we don’t reach that “I need a proper break” point which I can well imagine we would individually if we were doing everything solo every day.

@Swaytheboat lol that did make me laugh.

@Jellybunny56 exactly the same as my friends - they share the load really well with their husbands including night wakes etc, to the point where they always feel well rested and as though they have had their ‘me time’ and space

I have a lovely husband who shares the load- and even I still want some time without the kids! Kids are exhausting but even more so when your doing it on your own.

as PP said- your friends are not being truthful!

enjoy your Saturday to yourself!! x

@Solobanana That’s reassuring to hear thank you

I have a hands on DH who does his share during the week. I still want and need a break. Yanbu to want your break, you’re parenting by yourself the rest of the time.

You need some time to yourself. I used to breathe a sigh of relief when my sons were at school..... could relax a little bit!!! They are now at college and I'm still the same....🤣🤣

Don't read too much into social media and what so called friends say.

I'm separated from exH, so like you and other single parents, we have time away from our kids. It's not something I would choose and actually hate being away from my DC but I'm also grateful for some down time and having some time for me. And I'm grateful exH is a good dad and wants spends time with DC.

Don't feel guilty about wanting a break and then enjoying it.

Only time I got a break was when I split from my ex and he had to do it lol

You are totally reasonable for wanting (needing!) a break! When my kids were that age, I looked forward to dental appointments as a break. Going for a smear test was a mini holiday. Doing the weekly shopping on my own was a spa break. Because it can be relentless. And I haven’t experienced it as a single parent at all. Of course you need a break. And your mates/ social media are not telling the whole story.

I have 4 kids full time as a single parent and my absolute ideal is 50/50 contact, I think it sounds wonderful! People think im lucky though that he doesn’t see them and I get them “all to myself” that would not be a choice of mine 😂 I see one of the perks of being a single parent is getting time to yourself! But wasn’t meant to be for me but I’d absolutely kill for regular breaks though, I do see what you mean though, loads of single mums I speak to say they can’t bare to be away from their kids for a second.

You’re doing 100% of the work with 50% of the workforce of course you need a break!

Ignore social media it’s all lies. Except Mumsnet which is where you’ll hear the truth 😄

I struggle with this sometimes.

I’ve been a lone parent of 3 children since ex husband left when twins were barely a year old. He didn’t see them at all most of last year, doesn’t have overnights and if he does see them its for about an hour. I also work full time in a demanding career

there are days when I think god just give me an hours peace and quiet!! But then that hour they might see their sperm donor I miss them. It’s really confusing because I crave some me time but the reality of it is something different entirely and if I’m not at work then I feel like I want to be with them because their time as children is so fleeting.

I think for me I feel like a need a break but don’t necessarily want one if that makes sense

Everyone feels like they need a break! If you have friends who are saying that, they’re either lying to you. Or they’re checked out, the sort who are probably pouring a gin and tonic at 11am to get through the day and “love it”.

It’s a bit like those people who supposedly never argue with their partners and post all over social media about how amazing their relationship is. I know a few like that. Their partners are often cheating on them and they are so pathologically obsessed with everything seeming perfect that they won’t ever speak up for fear of an argument.

It's completely normal to want a break OP. Your friends are the unusual ones IMO!

You are completely and utterly unreasonable to feel any guilt at needing a break 😂
Enjoy and embrace your me time

Ignore social media. And to a degree what your friends say - they are probably just wanting to portray the good not bad.

It is totally normal to want and need a break. Although my DH is fully hands on and we share pretty much everything 50/50, I also feel I need a break every now and again. My parents take the kids a couple of times a year in the holidays and I love those down time couple of days.
In my friends group most people feel the same, a couple of us girls arrange a weekend away no children or partners each year and just do nothing for a break!

Your friends are BSing! I advise you take a day off work just for yourself and don't tell anyone about it!