My daughter is 8yo. She has no diagnosis although we’ve submitted the initial paperwork to have her assessed for ADHD.
She is however, despite any diagnosis, highly sensitive. She takes things so personally which means it’s really hard to have a conversation with her in which I am asking her to do something (tidy up, get ready for dancing, get pyjamas on, do homework etc etc). She always puts up a fight for any of these things, which always results in me using a firmer voice (I don’t shout, neither does my husband) trying to explain why she has to do xyz and the time frame she has to do it in.
She always ends up in tears and stomps away, shutting herself in her room. I never ask her to do anything unreasonable and actually I expect less of her than perhaps someone else would have their 8yo. However, we are a busy household with 2 working parents and both my children are involved in various clubs (sports and music) so we really do need the kids to cooperate at least some of the time! I’ve suggested to my 8yo she does less out side of school but she’s a very good, competitive dancer she does love doing it (just not going to practice apparently 🙈) and she also loves playing her instruments (but again, doesn’t like being asked to practice) so she’s not keen on giving anything up.
Yesterday she shouted at me ‘sorry for being so IMPERFECT!’ Before stomping away. She also calls herself bad a lot, a terrible sister etc. If we try to have a conversation about her behaviour/attitude she often just puts her hands over her eyes and cries and says ‘I don’t want to talk about it anymore’.
The thing is she’s not bad, not at all. An angel at school, extremely creative and academic. Seems very empathetic (perhaps a little too much sometimes!). She does fall out with friends a lot though, and again it’s often because she has taken something to heart where maybe it wasn’t meant that way. A lot of the fall outs are just typical between groups of female 8yos though.
I have no idea what to say/do to get less of a reaction from her. She does need to learn to tidy up after herself (she crafts with paper/glue/sellotape ALL the time but just leaves everything lying) and I would love her to one time just say ‘ok’ when I ask her to do something (like, can you please go get ready for dancing).
She uses her iPad a lot which probably doesn’t help, but she seems quite reliant on having it everywhere with her. She spends a lot of time crafting (as mentioned) and writing stories. She also writes music (both composing and lyrics) and generally keeps herself busy without using a screen but her iPad is always close by. She uses it a lot to listen to music. So, it’s not the case where she is sitting playing it/watching it all day but still has a dependency on it which might stop her doing other things (like doing homework).
She’s otherwise very kind and caring. She always thinks of others. She’s never nasty with her words, doesn’t say intentionally hurtful things and has never had any violent outbursts towards either people or inanimate objects.
How do I approach her sensitive nature? I think I’m quite firm but fair in parenting, we don’t accept bad behaviour but never shout or use punishments like grounding/taking away their possessions.
I also don’t want my older daughter to see us being more lenient with her sister just (in her eyes) because she’ll cry otherwise. She already thinks she gets preferential treatment which I don’t think is the case but nevertheless isn’t a good impression for my older daughter to have. They are such different personalities though so I do find myself parenting them slightly differently (what motivates them etc).
Any help would be appreciated, even stories of similar situations and what helped (or didn’t!)