Can’t stop crying and looking back at when my boys were smaller

[Caz86123]

I really need help I know. My oldest has just turned 12 and youngest is 9 next month. I can’t stop looking back at pics and crying of like 6 years ago. It’s all gone soo fast and I’ve had the best years with them - it was so magical and still is of course and believe me I do treasure the time now with them as I know in 5 years it will go so quick.it just sucks that time goes so quickly . I wish I could have treasured it more when they were little.

I wish I could have treasured it more when they were little.

You clearly were treasuring it - and taking photos, and making memories - to greatest extent you could while also going through a very intense and tiring period of life. 'Treasure every minute' is an unhelpful and unrealistic thing people say to new parents - absolutely no one achieves it (and you'd probably be incapable of functioning if you did!) and so there is no point or sense in beating yourself up for not having done it.

It’s just so hard to accept I won’t see them little again - it goes too quick and it’s so upsetting

You have been posting this for several months now. It's not healthy for you. Would you consider maybe going to your gp or some kind of therapy?

It seems a bit of an extreme reaction, especially as there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Maybe some counselling might work as PP said, do you think you might be depressed?

My DS is 13, I truly believe I’m in the best years - he’s funny, intelligent, articulate and really good company. And he’s the product of all the work I put in to his early years. The point of parenthood is that kids grow up, hopefully into thoroughly decent people.

Please visit your GP as your MH isn’t in a good place as you keep posting this.

If you can’t cope now you are really going to struggle with teenagers and empty nest. Get help if you are struggling every day

I know it’s just so hard when I look back and realise it’s gone. It’s gone too quick and I wasn’t ready

I know how you are feeling but you really need to look at it from a different perspective - what an absolute blessing they get to grow older. Many don’t have that chance.

Is there something else going on in your life at the moment that is making you feel this way.
I think you need to try to reframe this in your mind- it is sad when one stage has passed- it won’t be repeated- but look forward to the next stage and embrace that. Your children are still quite young and do need you to be present in their lives still rather than longing for the past

It is natural to feel not ready for milestones. When they leave primary school, when they leave home etc. but being so anxious about it is not healthy. There are so many wonderful times to come with them. I have 2 adult DS and honestly it is a joy seeing them grow and we have so much fun.

As PP said, you have made quite a few posts about this since last autumn. Have you spoken to anyone in real life?

Why have you posted this again?

you’ve had many, many responses on past posts saying that whilst nostalgia and a tinge of sadness is normal; the level of reaction you’re experiencing is not. And it’s not healthy - for you OR your boys. This kind of thinking WILL affect them. You are blessed to see them grow up - as PP have said, not everyone gets that opportunity. If you’re not careful you’ll miss out on these (glorious!) years because you’re so fixated on the past.

what is really going on here? Do you feel guilt about something? Are you depressed?

gently, you need some professional help.

I do hope you don’t let your children see you this way. You’re wasting the rest of their childhood by moping about remembering them when they were younger.

OP, this is the second completely frantic -sounding thread you’ve started on the same topic. Respectfully, this isn’t normal. You need some professional help.

Nothing else going on. It's just me and my two boys. it's hard because I know quick time flies and I know they are still young but where the heck has 10 years gone with them, seems like last year my oldest started primary school and now he's in secondary.

I do need help I know, I just feel anxious knowing they are growing up and me getting older too - I know it's silly. I do treasure the time I'm with them now of course. it is just scary how quick it has all gone

But what is it you’re anxious about about them growing older? Is it them not needing you anymore (they always will, by the way!)? The more I read the more I think this is actually about your own loss
of self identity. I think you actually need to focus on that.

you said on a previous thread that you were starting therapy. How is that going?

As others have said, it is normal to feel emotional at key changes like transition from one school to the next and we all look back on the photos of them as small and innocent and marvel at the speed the time has passed but your level of stress at this is out of proportion. Please do speak to someone in RL or check in with your GP…it’s not good for you or your children to suffer this level of distress over normal life events x

I also have a 13 year old son, and you’re right. This bit is lovely.

But does it not make you upset how quick it has all gone and knowing u can;t get that little boy back again. I honestly don't cry in front of them and treasure everyday with them, just wish i could go back and cuddle them more - sink it all in

But I still have that little boy, who is just as much my baby at 13, moody, melodramatic, gorgeous, infuriating, starting to figure out who he is, as he was at 2 or 6. That little boy hasn’t gone anywhere, he’s still here.

It doesn't upset me, I feel a pang of sadness that the sleeplessness of my 2nd means i was probably less involved then than I could have been and that my memories of that time are blurred, but I am in awe of the boys they have grown into - even with those challenges from me, I cannot wait to see how they continue to grown and develop their lives, to see who they bring home for Xmas, what careers they decide to go into, the choices they will make as adults when we will be able to support them again with babies if they and their partners choose to have any.

I agree that maybe you need more help than MN can give as you’ve posted this at least once if not twice. It is absolutely not normal to be crying that much over your children growing up. Mine are young adults now and, much as I loved the younger stage, I wouldn’t go back to that for all the money in the world. I’ve got my freedom and I get to be “me” again instead of “mum”. And just because your children are older and don’t need you as much, doesn’t mean they aren’t still there. The relationship is just different!