Joint birthday party and present etiquette

[dazedandblue]

This is the first time DC5 has been invited to a joint birthday party., so this is new to us.

Both kids are in his year group. One child he clearly has a friendship with (they talk about each other all the time, spend time together in school, and DS invited this child to his birthday party).

The other child is in their year group, but I've never heard mention of him before from DS. From what I've understood, they just don't really hang out and generally play with other people in school. Totally normal.

What is the present etiquette here?
I obviously don't want to make any child feel sad for not getting a present, and they're only 5 years old. However, clearly DS has been invited due to his friendship with one of the kids, and it was this child's mum who invited us directly.

My current thought was to get the same present for each child (as in, an individual one for each of them... not to share) and base it on what I know about DS's friend and likes.

What would you do? What is the etiquette here?

I've always bought each child a present

Fine to just give to the child who invited your son as they’re friends.

They both get a present. What you give them is completely up to you but I think 5 year old boys can be given some fairly generic stuff without causing offence.

i take your point that he’s only really first of one child but unless all invites have been divided up into ‘Charlie’s friends’ and ‘bens friends’ the only outcome is you look cheap/petty

I’d give them both a present but not as big a value as if I were only buying for one. So something like a fiver and a big chocolate bar each.

Just to reiterate, my current plan is to get each child a present, the same present, however to base it on what I know DS' friend likes. I don't want to give one child a 'good present' and the other a 'shit present'.

I was just wondering what the general etiquette was and whether this was an appropriate way to handle it.

I'd give them both a present unless told not to (sometimes it mentions on the invite).

I think both, unless stated - but as pp has said, I would tend to do a lower value than for just one birthday child.

I’ve done a few joint parties with the same child and we’ve tended to allocate each guest one of the boys to buy for if they want to. Both boys have fairly similar friendship groups, but we didn’t want parents to feel obliged to buy two gifts and preferred half the amount of slightly better presents.

Honestly I've never got a present for the other child when attending joint parties. We are there as a guest of the child who invited us. The other child won't be upset at not getting a present, it's unlikely they will even notice.

My son and his best friend had a joint party for their 7th. Joint because their birthday is the same weekend and they wanted to invite the same kids. It was massive and expensive and certainly not a cost cutting exercise.

My son's friends both for both kids. The other child's friends bought just for him. They had been in different Reception classes but same class for y1 (party in sept of y2) so plenty of time to get to know him.

Felt a bit shit to be honest. I've always bought for both.

I don’t see what’s wrong with your original idea of buying them both the same present. Assuming it’s generic enough like a book/craft/lego etc. Unless you can’t afford to, purposefully buying one child a cheaper gift as has been suggested seems pointed and a bit mean.

Yes both kids a gift but it doesn’t need to be the same gift, I assume they will take gifts home and open them separately. If you don’t know the mum to ask what they are into just give a nice generic gift, paints or something else standard and inoffensive.

In this situation, I’ve got presents for both kids, with a smaller token present for the other child. there tend to be separate tables for each child’s presents, and nobody will notice that you gave one child a better present than the other.

Tbh i probably wouldn't throw a joint party if they didn't have a largely overlapping friendship group.

Generally I'd buy two smaller presents but sometimes if it's a big party I've said to buy for one not both. If they've not said then get two.

If your son was clearly invited by one child e.g.

Dear David
Please come to Ben and Alex's soft play party
(details)
Love Ben (who your child really knows)

I'd get a present for just Ben assuming that Alex will have invited other children who will get for him. Or get something big for Ben but smaller for Alex.

If your child was invited by both like
Dear David
Please come to our soft play party
(details)
Love Ben & Alex

I'd get two smaller things one each. I've never been to a child's party where the child opens their presents in front of their guests so I don't think all the kids will notice if you don't get for both.

I've always bought a gift for both/all kids. But all joint parties have been for classmates so we always knew them even if not too well. I don't stress about it. We have a present box of generic age appropriate gifts and it gets pulled out for parties.

I think you are overthinking it, 5 year olds hardly care, a generic gift for both children is fine. I have twins and we had several joint parties, most people brought a gift each (although I made it clear this was not expected) and it was usually generic stuff at that age.

I would always get a present for each child, normally something similar but in different colours for example. Occasionally I may adjust the spend based on the relationship with each child if there was one that my child was clearer more friendly with.

Every party I’ve been to presents are taken home to open so there would be no direct comparison so nobody would know what you bought each child.

I'd get them both a present but a nicer one for my DC's friend.

Who did the invite come from?
I used to do joint parties for my 2 kids (so brother's, not friends) but each invite came from one child - and one family where both kids were invited got one invite from DS1 to their oldest and one invite from DS2 to their youngest.

If the invite is from one child, get that child a present. If the invite is from both kids, getvthem both sonething - it first need to be the same,and the kid he knows less well can have a smaller present.

Definitely a present for each child, and just get each something you think they’d like.

They won’t be comparing, so it’s OK that the one you know better will get something tailored more to them whereas the other will get something more generic.

Both families will be splitting the cost of the party so it would be uncool to turn up with 1 gift.

Doesn’t have to be of equal value. You could spend a tenner on the friend and give the other child a £5 gift like a couple of hot wheels cars and a colouring book.
Personally id just do Argos 2 for £20 or 2 for £15.

You could message the parent you know saying I'm thinking of getting kid...because that way, if there's a problem with your gift eg allergy/parents have a problem with it, then hopefully they'll know and tell you.

In this case, you bring a present for each child. Doesn’t matter how close they are.

We have had an invite to a joint party where we didn’t know the other two children at all (it was two siblings and then my friend’s dc). The siblings were neighbours of said friend. They did a joint birthday to save money but only a couple of the children invited actually knew both children. In that case, I only brought a present for my friend’s dc and not for the other two (and everyone else did the same).

I would get them both the same. Almost certainly they are opening gifts together afterwards (at least that's what's happened at the ones I've been to) and it would be uncomfortable for me to do it any other way.

I wouldn’t give a present to a child we don’t know, and would just take one for the child that invited my DC. If DS had a joint party I’d feel bad if he started opening presents from children he never played with.