Any gentle tips to encourage a 2-year-old to share?

[BroccoliSpears]

I know it's quite normal for her not to want to share. I'm not worried about her. She is quite good at sharing and taking turns with toys that aren't hers. On a good day and with encouragement she isn't too bad at sharing her own toys with her friends. She is absolutely inconsolable if myself, her father or (worst of all) her baby brother use or touch anything she percieves to be hers. It's starting to affect family life and is obviously a source of stress and anxiety for her. Any nice games or gentle tips to encourage her to feel happy about sharing with her baby brother, and to accept that family stuff is for everyone.

I wondered about taking her to buy a present for baby bro? So she is involved and important to the process of him owning something?

Or maybe buying something (small) that they each have one of, so we can talk about how that one is yours and that one is baby brother's? She refuses to accept that anything could possibly be his (his teddy bear, his bouncy chair etc).

Any help or thoughts appreciated. How did you do it?

Ahh g'wan. Share your wisdom...

It is all part of the joy, to be honest. When she reaches three she will begin to understand the concept (if not the practical application) of sharing, but at the moment it is just an affront to her tiny dignity. I think it's worth playing "sharing" games with a small toy but this is just a phase to survive! She will get the hang of it - honestly!

Thank you for replying Tribpot. What sort of sharing games do you mean?

all toys in this house except special cuddlies are shared... whoever has it in their hands is in possesion and the other isn't allowed to take it.

often dd (3) will give a toy to ds if he wants it but she knows she doesn't have to and gets lots of praise.

letting the younger child take toys from the older on will only create more problems in the long run as then you'll have to teach him when he's older that it's not actually ok to grab.

keep in mind she's still a baby herself... just because she's a big sister doesn't mean she's suddenly a big girl who understands why the baby gets to snatch her toys.

Not sure about no ownership of anything PinkTulips. I can see why it would work, but I don't have a problem with her knowing which are her toys etc. The issue isn't really younger brother grabbing toys (he's only 7 weeks old!), or me expecting her to be grown up about it. I know she's a baby, I'm really just looking for ways that might make things a bit easier for her to understand that, for example, the pushchair isn't hers alone, and that the dangly teddy bear is her brother's and she can't have the screaming abdabs and snatch it away and hide it every time it is attached to his crib for him to look at. I just wondered if I could make it a bit easier for her.

I'm sure it will sort itself out in time.

My friend lets her little boy
(3 years) choose one special toy that he does not have to share with anyone. (I think he chose a car). But he has to share any other toys with anyone who wants to share them iyswim. This seems to have worked for him.

Oh Broccoli, my 2 year old is going through a complete wobbly DAT'S MINE phase right now. This is the little girl who I have smugly taken credit for, for being so laidback and not possessive and sweet at sharing up til now

We have a baby due in a few weeks and my plan at the moment is to constantly remind her - yes, that IS yours but you will need to share it with ds (she knows baby name) - ie for buggy, chair etc. We put baby's clothes away in two of her drawers. No idea if this will have an effect.

Or to say - no, darling you are too big for that (eg moses basket), that is ds's but I am sure he will let you SHARE it for now.

I just overegg the praise and the 'oh, you are soooo lovely for sharing' when she does share with us/others. But to say that I totally understand how annoying it is to hear DAT'S MINE every 2 seconds (honestly, she has gone from the sweetest little thing to this almost overnight.) All I ever seem to say is 'yes I KNOW that;s yours but...'

(must admit I did go a little crazy the other day and said 'yes, the door is yours, the house is yours, I'm yours, EVERYTHING IS YOURS aaaaarrrggh'. made her laugh anyway!!)

At this stage I think they understand better the concept of 'taking turns' rather than 'sharing'.

"First she plays, then you play"

oh yes i agree...

MINE TURN!!!!

hes only 7 weeks!¬ She shouldnt have to share anything with him. if it is new stuff that you have bought for him (his teddy for instance) then I would let her hold it if she wants and dont make a big deal. he doesnt care!

why do they have to share at all?

mine is gonna have to share her buggy - cos i ain't buying another. and her bouncy chair is for both of them too... and some things aren't hers anyway but the new baby's. and she will have to deal with it .

but i do agree, broccoli, that it is prob a phase that will just pass eventually. Think it's only natural that they will get a bit possessive at the mo - and want a bit of security i guess. not sure there are any magic solutions but i wanted to say that i do understand.

she doesnt need a bouncy chair at 2 surely?

or do you mean her OLD things that get given to the baby? not actually SHARE them

I read somewhere that the parent should make a big deal when sharing with the toddler, so that toddler understands that other people are sharing with her as well.

Eg, when giving her some of your food ... say something like 'you see, mummy is sooo kind. Mummy is SHARING with you.'

Something like that.

Lol Enid - you wouldn't think so, but try explaining that to the hulking great 2-year-old who had lust laboriously and painstaikingly squeezed themselves into the bouncy chair solely to make the point that it is HER TURN on the (creaking, bending, almost breaking) bouncy chair.

I do see what you're saying about not needing to share, but it's not a case of her holding his teddy for a while, it's more her rampaging furiously through the house screaming like a banshee because I put him on one of the sofa cushions (HERS) or used a muslin to wipe his face (HERS) or dangled his teddybear (HERS) from the babygym (HERS).

Umlellala - I really wish I had packed away eery single baby related thing out of site for her to forget about long before he arrived.

I like that idea greenday and will give that a go.

both. some are her old things and others can be used by both (the chair - it's a toddler and baby chair so she watches telly in it).

she'll be fine, she was always delightful and she still isn't the most stroppiest and understands that they are for the baby - it just has taken us by surprise cos we thought we had been brilliant parents and had deflected all that toddler possessiveness with our wonderful sharing strategies and [deluded emoticon]. (we do what greenlady says too and hence why it's floored me - i never thought possessiveness was innate - i thought it would be learned behaviour...)

lol Broccoli, your dd really does sound like dd though - DAT's MINE, DAT'S MINE, DAT'S MINE -

and this is PRE-baby

oh gosh... any chance she'll get over it by the time baby comes???!!!