3 under 3. Advice needed please.

[namechnge671]

Name change. Tonight I found out I’m expecting. V v v early around 1 week. Currently have a 5 month old & 26.5 month old. Failed contraception.

I’m still in complete shock so apologies if this doesn’t read well. I guess I’m looking for experiences of anyone that has been in the same boat.

Financially it wouldn’t be a struggle, neither would space. Obviously would have to change car (drive a 4x4 currently but definitely not big enough for three car seats). Oldest is in nursery 2 days a week to give me 1-1 time with youngest. Myself and husband own businesses so going back to work etc isn’t an issue.

My main concern and hesitation is how unfair it would be on our already two kids. Both being so little. Youngest is EBF. Looking at my baby just now is breaking my heart

We have discussed an abortion but know id struggle with that, but trying to put my children’s feelings above my own, at the same time having thoughts I’m not giving this child a chance. Head is scrambled.

Does anyone have experiences of both 3 under 3, or what it is like to go through with a termination and if this decision will haunt me forever? I never thought I’d ever be a person who would even consider a termination.

Husband is the same as me but 100% supportive with my choice, his main concern is the age gap our children and how life will change for them and the toll another pregnancy will take on me.

Thank you for reading, and again apologies this is so fragmented. Still completely in shock.

Your children are young enough not to remember anything different.

If personalities align and you get parenting right, they'll grow up quite close.

My DH is one of 4 and MIL always says baby no.3 and 4 were the easiest (although they were all 2-3 years apart).

I would say that I hope you can afford help. A good nanny will be worth her weight in gold in your situation. I have a friend who hired a nanny while pregnant with no. 2 as she had horrendous HG and kept getting hospitalised. Nanny took care of her and toddler and house and when baby no.2 came, she was there from the start to build a good bond.

But if you don't feel you can handle it, then terminate. There is no shame. Most of us would find 3 under 3 daunting as hell. Your duty is first and foremost towards your existing children.

If you'd struggle with an abortion, don't have one.

What would you have done if your current baby had been twins? Would you have aborted one? Or both? Probably not right? You'd have had three under two and just made the best of it! Do that. The kids will be fine. It'll be hard work, but if space and finances are good then you're already half way there.

Honestly don't worry about one on one time, they're all so young and won't remember anything else but being a little gaggle of kids!

You'll be knackered but it will be lovely!

Please make sure you are taking absolutely top notch prenatals, maybe even see a nutritional therapist if you can afford it, as having kids so close together does absolutely knock you for six!!

I can 100% believe its a shock to the system.

Ultimately, you've got a stable family and home situation as well as the money and the space.

In your shoes I'd feel the same shock / initial horror... but for me personally I think i would really regret the abortion of a healthy child that wasnt endangering my health (i think if you or the baby have health issues it changes the equation as you have to consider existing kids)

I'd buy in various types of help and roll with it.

The kids will all be eligible for free hours i would personally set up a rota so I had 2 some solo time with the big ones using there free nursery hours.

I found at 2.5/3 kids get a lot easier.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply!

Were now swaying more toward going ahead with the pregnancy, as I honestly don’t think I could go through with a termination and live with that choice for the rest of my life.

I am however paralysed in fear! Don’t think it was helped by going out with my two yesterday and my eldest absolutely kicked off the entire time and had to abandon the time out.

We have discussed putting my eldest in another day (Mon, Wed Fri) and possibly having my youngest just now looked after by a grandparent one day a week with my husband revising his work hours so he’s home a lot earlier in the day.

I feel we are just starting to get some freedom with my youngest going to bed at 8 and having two hours to ourselves before the next feed, to know I have to go through pregnancy again (PGP and anemia) I’m dreading it with two kids this time!

It will all work out OP - kids will be very blessed growing up close in age

They will grow up so close and 3 is a gang. 3 is the magic number. It will work out.

everything you’ve mentioned about extra nursery day and GP help sounds ideal. You may want to enlist in a mothershelp type person? An older teen afew afternoons after school from that 4-6pm slot. Help do the supper and bath. Read stores and play with the older one.

Routines are going to save you.

it can be done.

it you change you’re mind and decide to terminate, it’s completely your choice and will be right for your family.

Goodluck!

I’m the middle child of 3 under 3!
I have no idea how my mother coped because it was never discussed. We had more siblings a few years later.
As adults we are all very close.

I had 3 under 3, then a very surprise 4th (failed vasectomy) making it 4 under 4.

A few years on now & it’s calmer after the chaos. They won’t know any different however, if you can, give them one to one time even if it’s little but often. Mine are all very close although they do squabble. Organisation & being a team with partner is key.

Dd's were 36 months and 22 months when ds was born.
Now 17, 19 and 20.. Very close... Always have been.
Concentrate on looking after yourself when you get chance.. And perfecting bedtimes...
A good sleep routine will help you nail things.
Absolutely no regrets.

We had three under three.

I cant lie, it was tough. But we weren't good financially, and I have some mental health issues that made it even more difficult.

Ours are now 9, 10 and 11. They are best friends, and mostly share the same friends. They get on so well, and we wouldn't change a thing. They've always got a little team around them.

Our experience. It may be easier for you if youre ok financially.