Attending a wedding after having a baby

[Seeseemcdee]

So my husband is best man at his best friends wedding in a few months. By the wedding I will be 1 month post partum based on my due date. Is this something I can attend or should I stay at home? I’d leave my new born with my sister but with the lack of alcohol, physical issues after having a child I feel anxious about the wedding but I also don’t think it’s right for my husband to attend without having his wife?

I think it's fine for your dh to go on his own.

I wouldn't have made a wedding 4 weeks after giving birth. In fact, my second child never took a bottle so I couldn't have left him anyway.

I appreciate others do though.

My friend attended mine with her 10 day old baby they didn’t even live that close, 2 hours away, another friend was 39 weeks pregnant but we welcomed babies and children plus o had a 6 month old myself. I would not have left either of mine so young

I am very independent, mixed fed from the get go, very committed to still being social etc and I went to an event 3 weeks postpartum and it was not enjoyable - I felt like I was having an out of body experience and didn’t know what to do with my hands/eyes and felt on the verge of tears the whole time lol. I wouldn’t attend a wedding at 4 weeks postpartum - just stay home and enjoy your brand new baby.

I was completely fine after my first 2 children, my second I went for a 3 mile walk the day after I had him, we went on holiday abroad for 2 weeks at the point he would have been 3 weeks old (he was a week early). Third child I felt like I'd been hit by a train and couldn't walk further than 100 yards 3 months after. 3 weeks after I had the third I had mastitus plus a nasty infection where I'd had stitches, I have never been so ill in my life. I had the extremes. If it's the kind of wedding where it costs them £150 a head I'd duck out now as you can't say for sure you will be there. Also you aren't going to want to leave your baby, if you're breastfeeding the logistics will be a nightmare. If it's more of a relaxed wedding where you not attending won't cost them the earth I'd say yes, but take the baby with you.

You’d of had to prize any of my babies out my cold dead hands at 4 weeks old, yes even families. You really won’t know if you’re up for this until the day

I attended a wedding at around 10 weeks post partum. My baby was there with me. There is absolutely no way I would have been parted from her for the day at that young age.

It was OK but hard work. DH was with me to help but I did feel rather squeezed into my dress as I was still carrying extra pregnancy weight. Baby was a bit over stimulated by it all and didn't feed as much as usual so my boobs leaked. I was very tired but did enjoy seeing everyone.

At 4 weeks postpartum or even as soon as 2 weeks post partum, if you go overdue, it would very likely be a no. Just getting up, dressed and out the house for a short walk was a big event at that stage.

If I felt physically ok would it be bad to go?

The honest answer is you don't know. Some of us were running round the day after birth with our first but had issues with our second meaning we wouldn't have made a wedding 6 months later, and it is impossible to know how you/your baby will be.
For me, I would talk to the bride/groom. At some places, it's easy to add/remove a couple of guests on the day (I worked in a place that did weddings). Other places won't let you, and I can understand you not wanting to let them down, or being worried they'll get annoyed.

I would have been fine to go at 4 weeks but only with the baby. Wouldn't have left them with anyone else. I went to one at 10 weeks with DC1.

But 4 weeks after my due date with DC1 would have been only 2 weeks past my actual delivery. Still would have been OK but not necessarily a good idea.

I had a c section and went abroad for a wedding when baby was 2 months old. Eurostar and then returned via ryanair. I got a breastfeeding friendly velvet dress off vinted and was good to go. Later we even went on a boat trip and the baby came with us.

What wasn't so fun was the religious wedding a month later and baby was teething but we were expected to attend all sorts of events we weren't told about before. The groom's mother even sent my dh a long message saying a lot of important people were at the synagogue at a Saturday morning service and we should attend as the bride's family members, never mind it would have been over 4 hours plus we had to check out of our hotel the same day with luggage and baby. She didnt attend as she is recovering from cancer. That bit was stressful but I think most people wouldn't expect,parents of a newborn to attend such things in addition to the wedding. The groom told me, we dont care if the baby is teething and screaming, just bring him! Well...

Of course it’s fine for your husband to attend without you, if that’s what you decide. No one will be thinking “it’s not right he’s come alone”.

In my opinion, if you need to decide now, I’d say decline the invitation. But speak to them, they might understand and be totally fine with you accepting the invitation now and then deciding nearer the time.
I wouldn’t have gone, because I was breastfeeding, but since you’re considering going, I assume you’re not planning on breastfeeding, so it will all come down to how you feel at the time, both physically and in terms of leaving the baby, which no one will know in advance.

Oh God, stay at home, who can be arsed

We had three babes in arms at our wedding - my nephew who was 3 months old and a couple who were 6 weeks old. Even if a wedding is no kids (ours was kid-full as we were in our later 30s!) a baby should be allowed (imo). I’d not plan to leave a baby that little but that is my personal preference and I exclusively breastfed.

4 weeks is very early and you could go two weeks over, you could have a c-section and still be recovering. It’s hard to tell really.

I would have happily gone with my first -physically I felt great and I’d had a really good birth. It probably would have been a much less positive experience after my second, an emergency c-section and then struggles with feeding and I did not snap back like I did with my first! Still, by 4 weeks I would have managed it and would have just carried him in a sling the whole day.

I guess the upshot is - if you want to go to the wedding, then I’d plan to go. Explain that birth/babies are hugely unpredictable and check they’re happy to roll with that. If not, or if you don’t want to go, then politely decline - but it’s weird to say that your husband shouldn’t be there without his wife! He’s best man and it’s his best friend who probably pre-dates you in his life! He will likely will be pretty busy on the day too so you’ll have to decide if you think you can manage in that scenario.

@Focusispower no it isn’t that I think he shouldn’t be at a wedding without me, it’s that I feel bad that he doesn’t have his wife there and is in a room by himself at the end of the night! It’s just me and we’re just that kind of couple who do everything together and attend important events - we’re just a team! but I have decided I’m gonna give it a miss and spend time with my new arrival!!

A three mile walk the day after giving birth? How's your pelvic floor doing?

You don't think he might love a night uninterrupted sleep in a hotel room when he has a newborn? Most people would. DH would have felt guilty about leaving me for a night that early but he certainly would have appreciated the rest and I would have wanted him to go and enjoy himself even if I didn't feel I could.

@Focusispower youre 100% right. He’ll be able to go and get drunk and enjoy himself and have a nice lie on! I just want him to have fun I think I didn’t want him to be disappointed by me not going but we’ve discussed it and he completely agrees about how it’s so soon and we don’t know how my Labour is gonna go! I’m actually relieved - the thought of the wedding after having a baby is awful!!! I’ll enjoy a lie up lol

It might be two weeks old. A baby that young needs it's mother. You can't leave a baby that young for a day, it will just cry for you and you will be leaking milk everywhere all Day. They basically need to be at your breast all day at that age. Also you will be bleeding and tired. Why can't he go alone? Who cares if his wife is there? Sounds like you've made up a stupid rule. Also after my first, I don't think I'd have let my partner go either.

@DappledThings youre 100% right. He’ll be able to go and get drunk and enjoy himself and have a nice lie on! I just want him to have fun I think I didn’t want him to be disappointed by me not going but we’ve discussed it and he completely agrees about how it’s so soon and we don’t know how my Labour is gonna go! I’m actually relieved - the thought of the wedding after having a baby is awful!!! I’ll enjoy a lie up lol

If you feel up to it go but take the baby.
I probably wouldn’t bother and would let DH go and stay overnight so he wasn’t coming back breathing ale all over me.

I attended a wedding 4 weeks PP. However, it was:

• My 3rd DC, so not my first rodeo regarding the PP period
• The easiest birth: Epidural, Induction, 30 mins labour, no tearing or other issues
• the only baby of my 3 that I didn’t breastfeed
• the only one of my 3 that loved the sling and I literally wore him the whole time while he slept on me, only waking to be (bottle) fed

No way would I have managed with my first (episiotomy and general shock of being a new mother), or second (massive issues with breastfeeding and some other health issues of mine).

So, like other PP, it will depend 100% on the birth/baby/postpartum experience.

No way will you want to leave your baby at 4 weeks, so don’t even consider that.

I went to a family wedding when my first child was 4 weeks old, and my baby came with me. As a new mum it was tiring, especially as I was breast feeding, and by about 8pm I was ready to go home. There is no way I would have gone without my baby apart from perhaps the ceremony (if it'd been a child free wedding). I adjusted much quicker after my second child, as not the culture shock, so I think if there had been a wedding it would have been easier, although I still wouldn't have gone without such a young baby.
If you decide not to go but you and baby are otherwise well, your husband can still go and be best man.

@Damsonjam1 this is my second child so it won’t be as much of a shock but still I don’t know how Labour will go and also think 4 weeks is risky and I don’t need that unnecessary anxiety. Plus trying to squeeze into a dress is a Nono - decision made!

LOL. You are vastly underestimating how hard it is to be home with a 4 week old baby versus how much fun and rest he's going to have at this wedding 😂

4 weeks is peak crying/colic time. You might get lucky but for most of my mum friends, 4 weeks was a hard hard time when baby cried and cried every evening, cluster fed, and still only slept 3-4 hour chunks.

Your DH should thank his lucky stars he gets a night off.

Depends on a lot of things - I'd keep an open mind because you don't know how you'll feel, if the baby will be late or early and so on. DH had two best men, one of whom ended up having his first baby due pretty much on the day, but she arrived 2 weeks early and all three made it to our wedding (which was 2 hours from where we and the friends lived), which was lovely.

Also depends where it is - if it's local you ought to be able to come along at least to the ceremony with the baby. Obviously if it's miles away and you'll have to stay over that might be harder, though our friends did it.

If you can't come or don't feel confident coming, everyone would totally understand your DH being there without you/you not being there. I personally wouldn't rule it out at this stage but it sounds to me like you're not comfortable with it so if it the thought is going to stress you out, you know your own mind best.