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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Father has Supervised access by court

56 replies

Pinkypig · 01/02/2026 11:46

My childs father has supervised visits every fortnight But im having huge issues as my son doesn't want to see him.I understand 100% its a court order but I also have to think of my sons mental health, school life and home life which it affects.What should I do please as I do encourage my son to go but he won't

OP posts:
Pinkypig · 01/02/2026 15:17

soupyspoon · 01/02/2026 15:15

Its fairly unusual for court to specify a person, it normally just says supervision. If you agreed for it to be you, it will be in the order as part of an agreement but a court wont order a specific person as the courts direction. Court oders usually represent what was agreed by parties in court, its not always a court direction

Check the wording carefully.

I know what my court order says and it states im to supervise

OP posts:
OldGothsFadeToGrey · 01/02/2026 15:20

Pinkypig · 01/02/2026 15:17

I know what my court order says and it states im to supervise

I’ve seen several court orders that specify who will supervise, usually it’s been a named relative or friend of the family.

ShawnaMacallister · 01/02/2026 16:11

soupyspoon · 01/02/2026 15:04

He's 9, he can say he doesnt want to go and have that choice

However, a word of caution, is this because of being scared of dad or is there difficult behaviour from dad or is it just a bit boring?

If the latter then its better for dad to understand what his son would actually like to do, if dad doesnt respond to that, thats on him and child doesnt go but it wont do him any favours to not have a continued relationship with his dad, all children need that, but boys in particular.

So if dad can make tweaks and changes to how he interacts. Perhaps your son could write down some ideas of what he would like to do, places to go, games to play, activities to do with dad?

He doesn't have that choice, there is a court order.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

ShawnaMacallister · 01/02/2026 16:12

Pinkypig · 01/02/2026 15:04

Last yr so who do I contact about this

I don't think you'll get anywhere varying an order that was made less than a year ago with a child that young. You have to suck it up for a couple more years and if he's really sure when he reaches around 11 then you apply back to court to vary the order. Court will not approve of you applying to vary an order made recently with no good reason as they see it.

ShawnaMacallister · 01/02/2026 16:13

soupyspoon · 01/02/2026 15:06

You dont contact anyone. If things cant be fixed and dad be more responsive and your son still doesnt want to go, then dont go. If dad wants to take it back to court, thats on him and you'll just explain your son didnt want to go

Nothing will come of it even if proceedings take place again. A child of that age cant be forced to go.

The child is 9. They can be forced to go, and the court would expect her to do so. It might be inhumane but a 9 year old isn't old enough in the eyes of the court to make their own decisions.

Pinkypig · 01/02/2026 16:21

ShawnaMacallister · 01/02/2026 16:11

He doesn't have that choice, there is a court order.

My son asks to do things and the answer is no play centre I

OP posts:
soupyspoon · 01/02/2026 16:56

Pinkypig · 01/02/2026 15:17

I know what my court order says and it states im to supervise

Yes as I said, it will set out what was agreed, did you agree to that. Its unusual for a judge to enforce someone to supervise if they dont want to, did you say no I cant do this, or I dont want to do this?

Did you agree?

If you agreed it will specify you of course becuase thats what the parties agreed.

Orders are very rarely a judges word in opposition to parties, judges dont like that for a start they want parties to come to an agreement and present to the court the way forward.

If it needs supervision, it can be anyone suitable.

soupyspoon · 01/02/2026 16:57

OldGothsFadeToGrey · 01/02/2026 15:20

I’ve seen several court orders that specify who will supervise, usually it’s been a named relative or friend of the family.

Edited

Yes as per my post above.

soupyspoon · 01/02/2026 16:58

ShawnaMacallister · 01/02/2026 16:11

He doesn't have that choice, there is a court order.

You cannot force a 9 year old to go to contact, its not like bundling a toddler in the car.

If he wont go, he wont go and if dad wants to take it back he can

OP can keep all correspondence asking dad to engage with son, sons wishes and feelings, suggesting other activities the child wants to do and dad's responses to that.

ShawnaMacallister · 01/02/2026 17:07

soupyspoon · 01/02/2026 16:58

You cannot force a 9 year old to go to contact, its not like bundling a toddler in the car.

If he wont go, he wont go and if dad wants to take it back he can

OP can keep all correspondence asking dad to engage with son, sons wishes and feelings, suggesting other activities the child wants to do and dad's responses to that.

You're advising OP to breach a court order and assuming that no serious consequences would happen when the father returns it to court. This is extremely irresponsible of you. What are your credentials to be giving such advice? Surely not a lawyer!

soupyspoon · 01/02/2026 17:14

ShawnaMacallister · 01/02/2026 17:07

You're advising OP to breach a court order and assuming that no serious consequences would happen when the father returns it to court. This is extremely irresponsible of you. What are your credentials to be giving such advice? Surely not a lawyer!

OP has the choice to take it back herself if she wishes, Im saying what I wold do and what thousands of parents do all the time.

What serious consequences then are there regularly put in place for situations like this?

That is assuming the father of course goes back to court.

Lightuptheroom · 01/02/2026 17:19

You'd be advised to return to the court where the order was made to vary the order. Look up varying a child arrangement order and it will give you the forms to fill in and the cost.
Why was the contact ordered to be supervised?
As you are the supervisor, what is the courts time line for contact to become unsupervised (it's unusual for supervised contact not to have an end date)
Maybe dad is biding his time until its unsupervised?
The main answer is if you wish to vary the order then you'll need to return to court, but do be aware that it could go the opposite way and judge decides you as supervisor isn't working and is causing the negative impact.

Pinkypig · 01/02/2026 17:21

soupyspoon · 01/02/2026 16:56

Yes as I said, it will set out what was agreed, did you agree to that. Its unusual for a judge to enforce someone to supervise if they dont want to, did you say no I cant do this, or I dont want to do this?

Did you agree?

If you agreed it will specify you of course becuase thats what the parties agreed.

Orders are very rarely a judges word in opposition to parties, judges dont like that for a start they want parties to come to an agreement and present to the court the way forward.

If it needs supervision, it can be anyone suitable.

Im not saying I dont want to supervise though My post is about my son not wanting to see his dad

OP posts:
Pinkypig · 01/02/2026 17:23

Lightuptheroom · 01/02/2026 17:19

You'd be advised to return to the court where the order was made to vary the order. Look up varying a child arrangement order and it will give you the forms to fill in and the cost.
Why was the contact ordered to be supervised?
As you are the supervisor, what is the courts time line for contact to become unsupervised (it's unusual for supervised contact not to have an end date)
Maybe dad is biding his time until its unsupervised?
The main answer is if you wish to vary the order then you'll need to return to court, but do be aware that it could go the opposite way and judge decides you as supervisor isn't working and is causing the negative impact.

Dad won't ever be allowed unsupervised unless alcohol and drugs are abstinent

OP posts:
AgnesMcDoo · 01/02/2026 17:23

speak to social work about getting their support to petition the court to reduce or remove the contact.

but you need to comply with the law

ShawnaMacallister · 01/02/2026 17:25

soupyspoon · 01/02/2026 17:14

OP has the choice to take it back herself if she wishes, Im saying what I wold do and what thousands of parents do all the time.

What serious consequences then are there regularly put in place for situations like this?

That is assuming the father of course goes back to court.

Being dragged through family court for another year as the respondent is the first consequence - being criticised by the court for breaching an order made less than a year ago with no change of circumstances - coming out with no change to the order and potentially a penal notice added is a real possibility.
You have no credentials other than maybe personal experience? Please don't give such irresponsible advice.

soupyspoon · 01/02/2026 17:25

Pinkypig · 01/02/2026 17:21

Im not saying I dont want to supervise though My post is about my son not wanting to see his dad

Well Im asking about that because its often uncomfortable for children to have the other parent there, particularly if there is a history of discord/DV (I am assuming that because you said he isnt allowed to be alone with him?)

Therefore, it may help the situation if you werent there and someone else was

its better to fix the problem than your son not have contact at all

ShawnaMacallister · 01/02/2026 17:26

AgnesMcDoo · 01/02/2026 17:23

speak to social work about getting their support to petition the court to reduce or remove the contact.

but you need to comply with the law

Edited

Social services don't get involved in private law cases unless there are new safeguarding concerns. If contact is supervised then there aren't.

soupyspoon · 01/02/2026 17:29

Pinkypig · 01/02/2026 17:23

Dad won't ever be allowed unsupervised unless alcohol and drugs are abstinent

How is that being monitored, who is testing for that?

Pinkypig · 01/02/2026 17:29

soupyspoon · 01/02/2026 17:25

Well Im asking about that because its often uncomfortable for children to have the other parent there, particularly if there is a history of discord/DV (I am assuming that because you said he isnt allowed to be alone with him?)

Therefore, it may help the situation if you werent there and someone else was

its better to fix the problem than your son not have contact at all

No Dv at all please dont assume

OP posts:
Pinkypig · 01/02/2026 17:30

AgnesMcDoo · 01/02/2026 17:23

speak to social work about getting their support to petition the court to reduce or remove the contact.

but you need to comply with the law

Edited

Thankyou

OP posts:
soupyspoon · 01/02/2026 17:31

AgnesMcDoo · 01/02/2026 17:23

speak to social work about getting their support to petition the court to reduce or remove the contact.

but you need to comply with the law

Edited

No SSD wont be involved or get involved in private law unless directed to do the s7/37 report

Lightuptheroom · 01/02/2026 17:34

So dad has an issue with drugs and alcohol?
When does he have to tested/how does the court want 'proof' to be logged?
The wording of your court order is going to be important. You can't decide not to 'make the child available' at age 9, even if the child is voicing he doesn't want to see dad, it's not how court orders work. Id suggest either a return to court or a change of environment/supervisor so that you can show different things have been tried. Could you take another person with you ?
As I say, having been through court etc (my ds is now adult) it's not possible to change these things just on what a child doesn't want to do

Ponderingwindow · 01/02/2026 17:46

Is the heart of the issue that your son is bored of the specific activity or that is father is present at the activity?

PermanentlyExhaustedPigeonZZZ · 01/02/2026 17:49

Could you state you'll continue to facilitate supervised visitation but not at the play centre? Agree a few other options with your son that meet the court order and put them to your ex. If he refuses all options, state you will continue to be available when he chooses one of the acceptable options?