Single mum and sleep

[Looxxlooxx]

Single mum. I have to work 33 hours a week but it’s covered over 5 days 9-3 9-4 etc . I do everything from the wake ups, food , house, so I’m at work basically full times through the week then come home walk dogs cook. Clean wash prep etc , over Xmas I had a new kitchen put it because it was awful and we needed one. It was my DD 2nd birthday as well so I had Christmas to pay for arrange and sort and her birthday and kitchen work, pets other commitments that always come into play like a leaking roof for instance ! Anyways, I’m really struggling with the sleep Situation. My little girl is waking up a lot through the night and ending up in my bed. In survival mode I just put her in bed with me whatever time because I’m in survival mode and exhausted. I got so mad over Xmas sleep deprived that I had to ring mental health team. Iv tried to get her back in her own bed and had a couple of nights successfully done but she doesn’t sleep through and I’m. Having to to go to bed at 7:30-8 already exhausted. I need my sleep to function for the days . Iv tried all sorts. She has relaxing baths . No tv , read to. She has supper and a bottle before bed which she wants the bottle but she woke up last night at 3 am wanting a bottle . Which she does every now and then. I get a bad back and trapped nerves in my beck and back from her in my bed and probably the way I sleep after knowing she’s in bed with me . Iv got a temperature egg In the room to check she’s not too hot not too cold. Been suggested magnesium gummies but apparently they only worked On a Couple of babies a few times and then worn off . She wakes up and just wants to get in my bed and I’m honestly too out of it tired to remember putting her in my bed but I know I do it . I’m struggling holding a job down doing all this it’s always something . How does any single parent manage. Couple of single parents I reached out to trauma dumped on me on my time of need like ‘they did it worse with more kid and had no money etc’ which honestly invalidated my experience, it didn’t help me it made me feel worse like ‘they had it worse saga’ . It’s not what anyone needs. People just want encouragement , help and advice . Please if any single mothers out there can tell me how they work full time, manage a house , a baby pets and all the other stuff thrown I. The mix without the dad being on the scene and getting no finance just help .
for info (father isn’t safe parent) I don’t get financial help because of the pay of my job but tbh I’m taxed a lot and my out goings are a lot. Any help greatly appreciate

So as your picking up on ‘one word’ to push me into a category, rather than looking at the over arching picture. I will illiterate … I felt like I was going mad . Sleep deprivation does that to you . I do not have a social worker . I don’t need one . I have a dr ,health visitor , and mental health nurse to speak to how hard single mum life is. Iv been assessed . By more professionals than one reading a short essay on mums net through the day. I needed more help with the managing sleep , not a bother over explanations sentence dialogue to justify some wording . This is why I don’t use mumsnet

I think you need to calm down. You’re clearly not a single mum. I wanted single parenting advice from single parents who can advise on ways of sleep management and working etc . I never said I have a mental health team. That’s you not reading incorrectly . I said I rang the mental health team. When you ring 111 and explain you get put through team. You or I could ring that number . I cannot be bothered wasted precious time over explaining myself to someone who isn’t giving me single mother advice . A social worker cannot mind your baby while you sleep , they can’t give you money so you don’t have to work as much so you can have a break. Please stop replying . I was on here looking for other single mums with empathy saying how they managed sleep and work. You are not or you would have given that advice already . Many thanks

Does she sleep well in your bed? Can you get sleep that way? If so, put her to bed with you every night and go to sleep as soon as she does.

Her sleep is normal for a 2 year old. You just do whatever it takes to get through. I had to get up for work at 5am when mine was that age. They slept with me every night. I wasn’t going to be up wrestling a toddler back to bed at 2am when I had to be up in 3 hours. It was great. Ultimately, we all got more sleep that way. And then both started sleeping all night in their rooms when they were ready, I didn’t have to battle with it.

My youngest is 7 and I still go to bed as soon as he does. Sleep is important. It comes before everything else.

Thank you so much for this . I do get a bad back etc when she sleeps with me. So she goes to bed ok roughly between 7-7:30 but she wakes hours later . I go to bed pretty early . If I try to go to bed the same time as her and she is in my bed already so we both go to the same time she just messes around for about an hour playing singing moving around (normal toddler behavior) and I jjdt end up getting frustrated and lose that feeling of wanting to go to sleep then staying up hours after she’s fallen asleep next to me. Iv put her In her own bed again tonight and will see where we go from there . It’s just sometimes nice to hear your not the only one and know others out there managed too. I met a mum today who does the same .

My oldest child had massive sleep issues. What worked for men was floor bed in my room so I could leave when she was asleep, listen to podcast or audiobooks with headphones while cuddling her to sleep, and sleeping with a pillow between my legs for back pain.

Sorry I’m not a single parent but I know the frustration and exhaustion of a none sleeping child. I tried everything and this is how I survived.

Is she still napping durring the day? When my kids napped they didn’t go to sleep until 9.

Do you and her sleep when she’s in your bed? I think at this stage I would just let her in if you both sleep

and just wanted to say the fact you got up every day at 5 to work while looking after babies makes you incredible strong. It’s a lot and tremendously hard
working and looking after little ones

2026willbebetter - no that’s great advice. I do put a pillow between my legs. Find now I have to for my knees hips as well. She’s gone to bed now but I may just move her into my bed maybe when I go to sleep. Do most people just go to sleep when they do because I find that’s the case when they are so young. I tend to like an hour to myself to relax before bed . The nap thing we are testing this weekend. She’s been cutting a few naps out now and it’s a case of is she over tired or still full of energy because of a nap.

I’m not a single parent and I can’t imagine how hard it is for you atm but I do have a bad sleeper and I am back at work full time so I have resorted to her being in my bed and I just go to bed when she does . There are nights she messes around but I’m firm and ignore until she drops off. Sleep deprivation is horrific especially when you can’t share the load

I’ve recently had to go back to cosleeping with my eldest for around 6 months and she needed me to go to sleep for her to sleep so I was going to sleep with her and getting up early in the morning to watch TV.

One tip for bed sharing - my DS had a bed guard cushion in his bed and I discovered if I put this under the sheet in the middle of my double bed it’s the perfect barrier for helping me sleep next to a wriggly toddler while also still being next to them to help them sleep. One like this https://amzn.eu/d/cVkIx4F - it might help your back!

I know how you feel, I felt exactly the same during the preschool years. My son is 6 now and sleeps 12 hours a night but does sometimes end up in my bed! But if I could go back I would tell myself not to stress about having him in his own room. If your daughter feels safe with you and sleeps well I would just do whatever you can to get as much sleep as possible, prioritise going to sleep straight after she falls asleep etc. and I do understand the back pain! But just power through as best you can and not long from now it will hopefully be a distant memory! I find this stage awful as if they nap they sleep badly at night but if they don’t nap they’re awful! I know it might not be possible and highly unlikely but if you can cut your hours down and can afford to I also feel I wish I did that. I did eventually when my son was 3 and this was a massive help and wish I’d done it sooner but obviously not always doable as a single parent- good luck! And don’t be afraid to contact mental health teams/ GP again if things get worse