How do you cope without family support?

[Neurodiversemom]

We have no family nearby and I’m finding the mental load relentless. I don’t expect help, but sometimes it feels very isolating. If you’re in the same boat, what made things feel more manageable?

Reading the original post and comments, I am in awe of those without support and working hard in and outside the home, raising children, maintaining relationships etc. Times have definately changed. Just reading what you do, confirms to me that I couldn't have done it. You are a tough generation.

I'm sat here reflecting on my experiences as a mother to young children 30 years ago. I was the first of my siblings to go move away from family to go to university and get a professional job. So no family help when we had our 2 DC. I took a career break when they were little then retrained as a teacher when they started secondary school. I spent years longing to go back to my previous career in the City but accepted this wasn't something I could manage with 2 x young children and all that comes with them; sickness, homework, school events etc. DH, a higher earner carried on working. Now here's the thing, we could afford to do this as houses were much cheaper as was the cost of living. Our situation was not unusual within our group of friends.

Going back a generation to my parents and grandparents. It was usually the Mums who stayed at home and did all the housework, childcare etc. I remember my Mum going out as soon as Dad came home from work. She took on a cleaning job for several offices in the town. Speaking to her years later, she would have loved a job as a Secretary but it wasn't to be.

Every woman deserves to have a family and pursue a career if that's what they want but the expectation to do it all worries me. My 2 x DC have professional careers with antisocial hours (Drs) and they freely admit they couldn't do it without grandparent help. Both sets are on hand for regular weekly childcare and support during on-call and night shifts. Our DC are incredibly grateful.

We are on the other side of this now. Getting through it was tough and the envy of people who had support was corrosive.
We made sacrifices, a lot. I worked part time. Both of us had a periods at work were we didnt make great career progress because there was no " staying on and being a team player" the team that mattered was our family.
Sometimes I took the kids on holiday on my own, and also they learned allsorts of skills because there were no opportunities to get on with things without them being around.
We are now as a result a close family with a lot of time for each other and our kids are very secure and confident individuals. They are the capable ones in their friendship groups and great organisers. I strongly believe this is because they were never sidelined and what we did necessitated their active involvement.