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Do good mothers leave their 10 month old to go on a girls' weekend?

17 replies

chiarasmom · 13/01/2003 04:15

Three of my friends (all in different cities) and I have been planning a girls' weekend - actually a 5-day trip for a long time. We finally made all the arrangements, and we are going this weekend to visit 1 of the friends, who has a 10 month old son. Initially, I was planning on bringing DD, but DH doesn't want me to take her on the long trip - she does not deal well with jetlag (5 hour time difference - 8 hour flight). I also don't want to take her with me just because it will obviously be a more difficult weekend. Incidentally, I stopped breastfeeding 1 month ago. So we decided that DH would watch DD on the weekend. We have a babysitter to watch her while he will be at work on the other days. Now that I have purchased tickets and am really looking forward to the trip, DH suddenly announces that he has a lot of work deadlines and that this is the worst weekend that I could do this, etc. Meanwhile, he does not want my parents to watch DD and hasn't come up with any other solutions. I have 2 questions: Should I feel guilty for leaving my 10 month old with her father while I go on a girls weekend? Will I regret this (I have never been apart from DD for more than 9 hours)? I have a feeling that DH is trying to think of a way to get his mother to fly into town to help out . . . He is being very surly. Frankly, I don't think he thinks he is capable of watching DD for more than 1 day. Meanwhile, I think it would be good for him - he has never cared for her alone for more than a few hours. What to do? Any advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:

SimonHoward · 13/01/2003 07:32


Dont feel guilty.

If you didn't think you'd miss your DD I'd be concerned but my DW and I both agreed early on in her pregnancy that once DD had arrived then we would get away at times to see friends and leave DD with the other one just as a way of giving each other a break. I miss her terribly when I do but the rest is needed and when I see her again I'm refreshed and raring to go.

It also helps you keep up with your friends.

If your DH is now kicking up a fuss I think that maybe he realises he isn't likely to cope well and doesn't want to be seen as not able to cope.


bossykate · 13/01/2003 07:46

chiarasmom - i think you have hit the nail on the head - he has suddenly got scared he won't be able to cope. i agree with you it would be good for him. my advice is to be calm and resolute about going on this trip. he will either have to find another solution, or cope himself. i don't think you should feel guilty about getting away. imo, good mothers look after themselves as well.

have a wonderful time


Rhiannon · 13/01/2003 09:30

Go for it, have a great time. He's being a baby himself by the sound of it.


susanmt · 13/01/2003 10:00

Good mothers need a break to recharge their batteries and have fun. Go for it, enjoy yourself, and don't let him put you off!


Lara2 · 13/01/2003 10:33

Go and enjoy yourself!!

Your DH is capable - you won't be there, so he'll have to and will probably surprise himself!!

DON'T feel guilty - you don't b/f her anymore, so there is NO reason why you shouldn't go.

At the end of the day, what can happen? He loves her, he's her father, and will care for her to the best of his ability. Have you thought of phoning your MIL and asking her only to come in a dire emergency - and that doesn't mean your DH having to work.


SoupDragon · 13/01/2003 10:39



Temptress · 13/01/2003 10:40

Chaira I think you should go for it. Maybe hubby is a little jealous, hence all the excuses. Its important to make time for yourself so go and have a really great time, you have no reason to feel guilty.


prufrock · 13/01/2003 12:12

Yes they definately do. Good mothers look after themselves to ensure that they are happy, well rounded people and therefore better at looking aftertheir childre.n Just a question - has dh ever gone away leaving you alone with dd? If he has, why is this any different. He was just as responsible as you when it came to creating dd, he should be just as responsible in looking after her.


Azzie · 13/01/2003 12:19


Definitely go! It will do you good to have a break, your dh will learn a lot about looking after your dd (who is after all his dd too) and in all probability will gain a lot of confidence with her, as well as it being wonderful for the father/daughter relationship.

I speak from experience here - I went away for 4 days when dd was 10 months and ds just 2 y.o. Things at home didn't get done quite the way I would have done them, but all survived. Dh was quitely proud that he coped so well, both our mothers thought he was a saint (why??), and it did both children good to rely on daddy for a bit.

Finally, I know that my dh would also say that you should go - he had no regrets about my little trip when I got back.


Batters · 13/01/2003 12:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chiarasmom · 13/01/2003 15:12

Thank you all - exactly what I was hoping to hear. To answer your question, Prufrock, DH has left DD and me behind for at least a total of 3 weeks (spread out on at least 5 trips), but for business. To him, this is different, since it is solely for pleasure. Also, he seems to think that I try to get away from DD every chance I get, which is really not true! I will stick to the plan and go (I was starting to think maybe I should cancel), and hope for the best. Will let you know how it all works out. Thanks, again.

OP posts:

chiarasmom · 13/01/2003 15:16

Thank you especially Bossykate and Azzie - for the advice.

OP posts:

Azzie · 13/01/2003 15:41

Chiarasmom - I should also say that dd and ds didn't love me any the less for 'abandoning' them with their father!


willow2 · 13/01/2003 19:55



WideWebWitch · 13/01/2003 22:17

Agree with everyone. Go!


chiarasmom · 13/01/2003 23:43

Thanks!!! Affirmation is always good.

OP posts:

Ghosty · 14/01/2003 07:13

Agree with everyone ... you must go - don't feel guilty ... you deserve a break!
Just have a fab time!

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