I don't feel I can do this again - nursery bugs

[Bellaunion]

Like most people we had a hideous time of nursery bugs with my 3yr8mo old when he started nursery but it settled down and bar a permanent cold, he's rarely ill.

Against my better judgement I went and had a 2nd baby who is now 8 months old. He's due to start nursery and I feel absolutely paralysed with fear. I have HUGE health anxiety and currently not helped I'm on my second cold in a month. I just feel absolutely helpless and panicked about all the bugs too come, the sleepless nights, the exhaustion, days off work, doctors trips, antibiotics, the crying etc and me being ill, husband being ill, everyone being ill and trying to balance the needs of two.

It so makes me wish I'd stuck at one. Every cough at night has me on edge. I can't do anything about it. I can't afford to stay at home, I can't afford a nanny and there are no childminders with availability (and kids still get ill there).

I just needed to get it out.

I think you should speak to your GP about some support for your health anxiety.

I have and I've had extensive counselling too but it's very hard when you're in the thick of it, ill and little sleep to put everything into practice.

Hopefully with second it wont be as bad. Second borns dont get ill as frequently or severely as first borns apparently. Mine 2nd born has been a breeze for illness compared to firstborn who caught so many bugs.

My son has been at nursery 5 months and bar the permanent cold you mention has not been sick - no d&v, no hand foot and mouth, no nothing! I’m touching wood even telling you. But what I’m saying is it’s possible for them not to be constantly ill. And your first born will have been bringing germs home so your second born should have a better immunity than they did when they went.

The nursery bug phase is awful, we’ve had it this winter with my eldest and it’s been absolutely relentless. I’ve also had a newborn who is 6 months now and has been ill more than he’s been well. We’ve not slept more than 2 - 3 hours at a time for 6 months.

But it’s not going to be this bad second time round because he’s got a much better immune system than my eldest had because he’s had everything this time. I’m sure it’ll be the same for yours. And as easy as it is to say, try not to worry about it, because there’s nothing you can do except get through it - and you will get through it.

If there's a forest school nursery near you at all and you can choose that I'd highly recommend. My son hasn't had any of the illnesses that are the norm and he's going to be 4 next week. Im convinced it's because he's outside all the time!
I'm also a nanny and I know all about the nursery bugs as I've been through it with my youngest charges (and am now with the 18 month old who has been back to back ill with every illness since starting nursery).

Try to worry about something that might not happen. I know how you feel as we had a horrific time when my first started nursery and it was one of the worst periods of my life. I’m hoping the 2nd will have caught a few more of the bugs before starting nursery and it won’t be so bad. She is 9 weeks old and has already been exposed to 4 colds (and caught at least 2 of them).

It’s nowhere near as bad with the second ones OP as the adults have had all the bugs and your younger has already been exposed to more germs from eldest

We have a similar age gap although our youngest is the same age as your eldest.
Our eldest was a baby and toddler through COVID, they never got ill, because we were all social distancing (admittedly he was at a childminder) once he started nursery and the younger started child minder it was totally relentless, two years in a row we were all ill for 4 months continuously. This year is a bit better, maybe 2 months on and off so far. Everyone attributes those two years of because of COVID lockdowns everyone lost the practice of their immune systems, then everything spread once it opened up.
For you that means you will be used to all the bugs, and it means you'll be less run down from constant illness, plus the bugs will be more spread out as everyone in the community will have more immunity.

DD2 never really went through this, I’m guessing as DD1 spent the first year of her life infecting her with stuff. Aside from the odd vomiting bug and HFM, she’s rarely been ill in 3 years. We did have an awful 6 months with DD1 but it was me and DH who kept getting ill, she would bring home something, be unwell for like a day and then fine and then we would be ill for like two weeks. But thankfully none of that with DD2, we must have good immune systems now!

Just to kind of counter what people have already said, my DD2 started nursery 3 months ago and she's hardly been there due to illnesses and seems very much on par with DS1 who's now 5 when he started. However I feel a lot more prepared and resilient 2nd time round, I knew this would happen and she started in the thick of winter and we're preparing for everything. It is soul destroyingly hard but we're heading to warmer/brighter days which should help.

Thank you for all your kind messages. I'm taking some some comfort it isn't as bad as the second hopefully!

As for forest school, it isn't available for a baby and while I love the idea of it, my eldest is very settled in his nursery and it's a fab setting so I wouldn't want to move him.

I don’t think it will be as bad with DC2 because they’re already exposed to the germs from DC1 at nursery/school.

Also, you might just have been unlucky first time around. I had twins in nursery and although they had a cold for the first 4 months, there weren’t many days when they couldn’t go in. They did get chicken pox while at nursery and had 10 days or so off with that.

Oh piss off. It’s not bloody health anxiety. How old are your kids? Let me guess, older.

OP, I know. My first run of illnesses with DC1 was so awful at one point I pulled her out of nursery with no other plan, figuring a few hours work a day with a well child would be better than endless days off with a sick one.

She was ill at least every 3rd week, usually more, for 18 months. And when she wasn’t ill she had a viral wheeze and coughed all through the night. I barely slept in that time and the worry of her being unwell was awful - she spiked temperatures over 40 degrees every time she caught anything. I remember sitting on the floor sobbing when she caught yet another bug wondering when the hell it would all stop. I now have a touch of very mild PTSD, if I hear coughing my heart starts racing and I get sweaty.

With my 2nd it’s been a little easier, he doesn’t spike fevers as badly but gets very congested. He’s been ill probably every month or 6 weeks, so at least we’ve had a lot of ‘well’ weeks where we have recovered before the next bug.

I totally understand where you’re coming from, but hopefully it will be the same for you and not quite as bad this time round.