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Original poster

My daughters father

11 replies

Chloe207 · 28/01/2026 12:09

Hey, this is a bit of a messy situation, so PLEASE no hate comments I’m here needing / wanting advice.
i had my little girl 8 months ago, her father didn’t want anything to do with her for a good 6 weeks of her being born because he said it’s not what he wanted. “I was safe on the coil but still fell pregnant” anyway…. It was always me trying to make the effort with him seeing her as some days he would be like “I want to see her” then he doesn’t!! Always letting her down, always making excuses up. So I took a step back and completely ignored him in November last year, till last Monday, when he rang me shouting at me saying he’s been depressed, and his hair is all matted, his house is a mess, he’s not eaten , he’s not sleeping and it’s all my fault apparently, for walking out on him!!
The reason I stopped talking to him in November is because he was giving me abuse telling me to stop making effort because I’m not his women and never have been! All that kinda bullcrap!!! So ok I didn’t text or call him! Why would she be spoke to me like crap! I’m on here asking what do I do? Because he’s never once asked to see his daughter, not once brought her anything, no Christmas card or gift, NOTHING! He does pay me £80 a month for child maintenance! But all of a sudden he’s now blaming me for his mental health, and wants to see his daughter, but with me around! He won’t have her on his own “ because of his mental health” and he doesn’t really have anyone else there to support him his parents and him don’t really talk. But his parents will come see our daughter at My house! They’ve tried to help him but they get no where with him!!
what do I do?? He has let her down yesterday and today! He said he would come round for a couple hours but NOTHING!!!

I feel horrible because he is a mess and I did walk away from him, but how can I help him when he won’t take the help?
he blames me for absolutely everything!! And I mean everything, then expects me to run around after him and make effort, me personally I want just don’t want nothing todo with him, but he’s made me feel bad because he’s now depressed, but never once texted me to tell me or ask to see his daughter. NOTHING! Till last Monday when he rang me.

OP posts:
metalbottle · 28/01/2026 12:12

Tell him that if he shouts at you again you'll block his number and all communication about the child will be on email. Make an email address just for him so he doesn't impact on your normal email - check it once or twice a week.

Don't contact him, ever - he'll get bored and stop seeing her eventually which sounds like it'll be the best for you and her.

I'm hoping he's not on the birth certificate and she has your name?

Original poster
Chloe207 · 28/01/2026 12:14

metalbottle · 28/01/2026 12:12

Tell him that if he shouts at you again you'll block his number and all communication about the child will be on email. Make an email address just for him so he doesn't impact on your normal email - check it once or twice a week.

Don't contact him, ever - he'll get bored and stop seeing her eventually which sounds like it'll be the best for you and her.

I'm hoping he's not on the birth certificate and she has your name?

Edited

Good idea thank you!

and yes I have told him I will block him if he’s being a dick again!

unfortunately she has his last name, but he’s NOT on the birth certificate, he wasn’t there to sign it. X

OP posts:
RandomMess · 28/01/2026 12:17

If he’s not on the birth certificate I would very seriously look at changing her surname to at least include yours whilst you don’t need his permission

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Original poster
Chloe207 · 28/01/2026 12:18

RandomMess · 28/01/2026 12:17

If he’s not on the birth certificate I would very seriously look at changing her surname to at least include yours whilst you don’t need his permission

This is my next step! I was being to nice and seeing if he would change his ways, but letting her down yesterday and today just proves he don’t care. X

OP posts:
JH0404 · 28/01/2026 12:19

Stop all direct contact with him. If he wishes to take legal steps to see your daughter (which he won’t) ensure these are supervised and he is never alone with her. Stop making arrangements for him. She is too young to understand the concept of being let down and hopefully he will be out of your life by the time she does.

And side note- he phoned you to tell you his hair was matted!?! WTF 🤣

Original poster
Chloe207 · 28/01/2026 12:20

I will be stopping everything from today.
and stooooop that made me laugh 😂yes he did, and that he’s depressed because I walked away.

OP posts:
RoastBanana · 28/01/2026 12:23

I believe children need fathers but only if they meet certain minimum standards- a child is certainly not a comfort blanket for a father whose life (and hair) is clearly out of control.

I would block him and keep him well away from your daughter, while maintaining the relationship with his parents & making clear through them that the position will change if he gets help & is in a better place.

Original poster
Chloe207 · 28/01/2026 12:24

RoastBanana · 28/01/2026 12:23

I believe children need fathers but only if they meet certain minimum standards- a child is certainly not a comfort blanket for a father whose life (and hair) is clearly out of control.

I would block him and keep him well away from your daughter, while maintaining the relationship with his parents & making clear through them that the position will change if he gets help & is in a better place.

I absolutely agree 💕
and yes I will keep them in her life. They are decent people an always texting to see what she’s been up to or if she needs anything. But I will be stopping everything todo with HIM today. X

OP posts:
Uhghg · 28/01/2026 12:59

Do you see his parents on a regular basis?

I would start inviting them over/going to there’s on set days eg once a month/fortnight and if he wants to be there he can.

I’d be telling him to grow up and you’re too busy trying to raise a child all by yourself and focus on keeping yourself together to give a shit about his MH.

My DCs dad is similar.
Years later he still blames me for ruining his life saying he could have got to uni and had a better life etc - he’s never been involved with her, has been we paid and only met her a handful of times.

These types of men are pathetic and you don’t want them making your life harder than it already is.

Original poster
Chloe207 · 28/01/2026 19:05

Uhghg · 28/01/2026 12:59

Do you see his parents on a regular basis?

I would start inviting them over/going to there’s on set days eg once a month/fortnight and if he wants to be there he can.

I’d be telling him to grow up and you’re too busy trying to raise a child all by yourself and focus on keeping yourself together to give a shit about his MH.

My DCs dad is similar.
Years later he still blames me for ruining his life saying he could have got to uni and had a better life etc - he’s never been involved with her, has been we paid and only met her a handful of times.

These types of men are pathetic and you don’t want them making your life harder than it already is.

Yes his parents see her weekly.

oh trust me, I’m now done, like you said I don’t need all this bullsh*t from him and him blaming me for his mental health! X

OP posts:
WanderlustMom · 28/01/2026 20:20

100% change her name ASAP. I’d probably just block him and let him go through the courts if he wants to see her, he’s already showed you 8 months of inconsistency.

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