3.30-4am starts with my 12 month old

[mummabearxoxx]

I’m typing this out of pure exhaustion and desperation.
My 12 month old has got into a habit of waking and not going back to sleep at 3.30-4am.

Our routine is quite messy due to work/school runs for my eldest etc. We follow one as best we can but unfortunately it can’t be helped.

This is how yesterday went - just to give you an idea.

Woke 3.30 am 💀

Nodded back off about 5.30 for 45 mins downstairs (this is unusual for him). He then slept for 10 minutes in the car on the way back from the school run around 9am.

i managed to get him down for a nap about 11-12 in the pushchair.

He then had a further 30 minute nap 2.30-3pm again, in the car on the school run.

I must admit, he doesn’t self settle - I know this probably contributes but it is very hard to try implement this when he starts the day sooo early as he just nods off having his bottle at night.

We do try and cap his day time sleep to 2 hours.

Any wisdom, help, harsh truths - please throw it my way

What do you do when he wakes? I'd stick to night time conditions (keep it dark and give cuddles, but give 0 entertainment and reinforce that it's time to sleep). Whenever my little ones did/do this (mum of 3!) I lie in bed with them and cuddle (or supervise wriggling/climbing 🤦‍♀️) until they settle down again. Generally, if it's boring to be awake, they give up and doze off. It does take patience (feels like more patience than simply getting up), but it works if you stick with it consistently.

What time does he go to bed/have you tried adjusting that?

Well, I do try keep in his in cot until he gets upset - the struggle we have is that he shares a room with his brother and I don’t want his sleep disturbed too much! But right now, he’s awake, and has been since 3.30, but I have just left him as he isn’t upset etc.
Do you think it’s worth my eldest coming into our room and one of us in with him just so we can keep him occupied for a long as possible?

I didn’t have this with my first - not quite this early anyway!!

he goes to bed around 7pm, it’s hard to get it any later but it has been slightly earlier and pretty much the same outcome. X

I'd just bring him in to bed with you when he wakes at 3.30.
I remember doing that with mine
Anything to get some sleep at that age
1 year old is still very little,but the risk of bed sharing is less the bigger they are .
Could he be waking up because he's hungry?
Could you give Weetabix before bed to fill him up
I'd of probably given mine a bottle of milk at that age as well..
Actually yes I'd try giving a bottle of milk when he wakes at 3.30 ..then pop him back to bed .. keeping lights of and it dark and quiet .
Only if that doesn't work would I bring him in to bed to sleep some more .
But I couldn't of got up at that time ,it's the middle of the night

So I actually did take him a bottle of milk and left, I kept the room as it is overnight, didn’t talk etc. I think he was in and out of sleep until 5 ish from then on. He was occasionally babbling and wriggling but for the most part quiet and I’m assuming asleep - if not resting. So I’ll stick with this and see how it goes! Thank you! I can cope with 5 as I’m up at 5.30 anyway!

I think you need to push his bed time later. 7-3:30 is 8.5 hours and with 2 hours day time sleep he’s getting 10.5 in 24 which is on the lower end of normal but still normal. If he sleeps until 4:30 he’s getting 11.5 which is a good amount of sleep.

If I were you, I’d cap his day time naps. 45
mins around 10 and 45 mins around 2. If he needs an earlier morning nap, split the morning nap into 2 20 mins naps. Make sure he’s up for 3pm and then bedtime at 8. It will be tough but I really think it will make a big difference.

I think you’re right in shortening his day time sleep. He always 2nd nap is around that or less due to leaving for the school run and getting him out of the car. But a big issue i have, is driving to school, he always the has a 15 minute sleep going to school. 7.50-8.05 ish until we then transfer into the pushchair.

I’m going to try push the bedtime slightly later tonight, gradually doing that, whilst allowing him to stay in his cot in the mornings as long as possible if settled!

i suppose this is the only downside to being the 2nd, they just have to fit around your firsts routine!

Well done ..
I always assumed hungry when mine woke in the night .
People with full tummies tend to sleep well
Mine had a good supper ,after dinner, and a bedtime bottle and a bottle of milk or cup of milk in the night for as long as they needed it .
I never really had any sleep issues,and I brought them in to my bed if I did .
I had 3 under 3 ..and had a very strict bedtime routine..
Supper ,bath , bottle,story..all in same room and I read to them till they all fell asleep..by 8 pm my evening was my own .
I absolutely can't function without enough sleep

I think you need to make more of an effort with 1) putting him back to sleep at 4am and 2) routine.

I would put him or his brother in the room with you to not disturb his brother.

My son had bouts between 12 and 16 months when he woke at that time. It was often, but not always, teething related. I gave him some milk, cuddles, sang and rocked him to sleep. It would take a good 20-30 minutes but it worked.

I know we are absolutely obsessed with self-settling now but I breastfed and rocked my son to sleep and he slept just fine. Woke once a night from 11 months. After 17 months, once he had all his teeth and all 4 molars, he never woke in the night again.

Most toddlers thrive on routine. What you describe with naps here there and everywhere would have been horrendous for my son. The odd day or holiday always transformed him into a horrendous sleeper who woke every 2 hours until we got home/back into routine.

Believe me, we have tried everything to get him back to sleep at that time. We have no issue with rocking or helping in any way- but it doesn’t not work. We have a very strict bedtime routine which has been in stone for months and months. Unfortunately it is extremely hard, to have a solid day time routine. My eldest school is a 15/20 minute car journey. He will nearly always sleep on these journeys. It then makes it very hard to solidify his naps at home because he’s either not tired enough, or tired shortly before we need to leave again, alongside working routines for myself, nursery etc etc. I appreciate what you’re saying, and I would love a strict routine throughout the day, and believe me I have tried. But it is hard

So ,go with it then
Use the car journeys as the only naps he has
And keep him awake the rest of the time

That's what I'd try anyway

At the early wake I would give him some milk and cuddle him in your bed.

Don’t cap his daytime sleep. He will be chronically overtired based on that schedule and needs a reset to catch up before you can try to do anything else.

Id focus on trying everything you can to get 2 decent (2 sleep cycles so 1.5 hrs each) naps 1 in the morning and 1 in the afternoon.

Will he transfer from car to cot nap after school
run???

Unfortunately not! I usually can get a 1 hour nap in during the time if he is rocked in the pushchair (between the school runs) when I’m not working. It’s so hard. Today I left much earlier for the school run and just sat in the car so he had a longer stretch this afternoon. We’ll see how tonight goes. I think it’s very much just going to be trial and error to be honest.