Kids ages when life got easier?!

[Shleepymummy]

What kids ages did other parents find life got a bit easier?
2 DC, 4.5 and 2.5. DH and I are so tired. We are either working, looking after DC or tidying up the house! The tidying up seems constant, and we keep our stuff down to a minimum. I am forever picking up stuff, sorting stuff, putting stuff away, cleaning. Only for the house to look awful again a day later. I don't think we could get rid of much more, feel like kids don't have a lot of clothes/toys as it is.
DH don't spend any time together. We are just with the kids and staying a float with life.
Today we tried to all watch a film at home so we could have an hour of quiet sit time and so I could sit with DH. DH ended up going to play with DD who wouldn't watch the film.
Exhausting.

My youngest is turning 30 this year and I think we’ve turned the corner. Hang on in there! X

Not sure but I would say don’t bother with the house 🤣 - we do three big cleans a week (Sundays, Wednesdays, Fridays) and relax in the other nights. We pay a cleaner to hoover & do bathrooms once a week. We get the kids (2.5 & 4) to put away their toys when they are done and try to contain toys in one room. My issue at the moment is lack of sleep with the 2 yo still waking. Assume it will get better in a couple of years.

For me with my older two, it got much easier around the age of 3. They were all toilet trained before then, slept reliably through the night (for the most part, obviously barring illness or whatever), had really good speech by that age, no longer needed a nap in the day and could just generally start doing more enjoyable things together. So I think you will see a real difference very soon and certainly by the time youngest is 4. My 4yo now can sit through (some!) films in the cinema, can play games like snakes and ladders, Uno, Dobble, can behave (mostly) politely in other people's houses or out for a meal (for short periods of time, don't get me wrong!). For us the difficulty is that we also have a 1yo. The 4 and 7 are so much easier!

You get more sleep and time when they are out without you once they are in secondary school.

About 6. DC1 is 12.5 now and started secondary school last year. It's starting to get hard again!

Like other PPs my kids were easier from 6-13 ish and then turned into teens. It got much much less tiring when they could both drive, we are rural and I was running them about to clubs , friends and socially a lot. As young kids my main problem was they never played together much, and had no interests in common, so it was hard to do things successfully as a family so we did separate a lot, DH and DS would go off leaving DD and me and then we'd swap kids later in the day or the next day.

Mine are 5 and 8 and much more enjoyable now, particularly the 8 year old. We don't have to take a ton of stuff with us to leave the house, no buggies to deal with, some tantrums and drama but generally they are ok.

When you’ve settled into the primary school routine it’s all good till secondary transition. Then if you’re lucky all calm again for the first couple of years of secondary. Teens are different. More emotionally stressful but you also get more personal space. My advice is take it and use it to fill your own cup. Dh and I run and cycle on weekend mornings before the teens surface (ours dont do team sport).

I imagine it will keep getting a little bit easier from this point onwards. Probably so slowly that you’ll barely realise. Almost certainly by the time the youngest is at school?

Mine are also 4.5 and 2.5. I also have an 0.5, so I think the older two seem a bit easier by comparison as I can leave them alone to play. The little one is in that stage where he would just fall over or eat something deadly if not observed for a nanosecond.

I have an 18 year old and a 7 year old so have been through it and back in the trenches.

It’s true that there are different challenges at every age. However, you are in the most physically demanding phase. It’s exhausting. With older kids, it’s more complex but you can get time to yourself to recharge, organise and connect with friends/partner.

Funny you mention watching a movie. Game changer for me was when they could both sit still and watch something together. For us, my youngest was 4 before he could watch something to the end (he has ADHD though) . I think you’ve probably got 12 months of roughing it out, and then you’ll see the changes coming. There will be small wins before then though. Hang in there!

I believe 6 to 12 gets easier but my two are 15 and 17 so preparing for GCSES and A Levels and doing those exams with them is more difficult than doing myself as less control! Helping with driving and applying for university is incredibly stressful. Navigating friendships issues for teens can be difficult too.

I agree. Having teenagers/young adults feels like having to go through it all again except worse because you have no control.

You are in the toughest bit. Trust me, it gets so much easier once they are both >6 yrs. Toys are less bulky, they can get quite good at tidying up etc, and they like solo play so you ge some more peace.

We're at 6 & 8 (though not 'straightforward' kids I guess), and it hasn't got easier yet, but it changes. There are plenty of historic problems that are now in the past, but they've been replaced by new ones.

There are times when it really does feel easier, maybe if we're all playing a board game together, or watching a film that we like. But we still have poor sleepers, so our time together as a couple is non-existent. Our only time awake with the kids asleep last night, for example, was between 11:00 p.m. and 11:30 p.m! And the meltdowns are just as frequent but far more explosive.

But equally if you've got kids with no health issues, no neurodiversity issues and they go to sleep at normal times, I imagine it could be a lovely age. My 8-year-old had four instances of screaming at me, including one of shutting herself in her room 8:00 a.m this morning. One of those is bad enough that my other child was in tears and also shut herself in her room, whilst we're trying to get them back to school. Toddler tantrums seem like a doddle in comparison.

Their problems, and your worries, get worse when they leave home. Then they have children too…… Lighthearted response really. I have twins. The first three years were the worst. They slept through the night, mostly, after that. I still don’t.

@Mere1oh no, I’m not sure I could cope if that’s the case. I’m finding the late teen/young adult stage very stressful. Driving, Uni, Travelling, job hunting. Just going for a lie down.
i think little kids can be physically exhausting but older kids are mentally draining.

Mine is 10 now and I’m finding it harder than ever.

Never , you get abit more time as they get older, but they then come with a different set of problems and worries , when they are 16 you’ll be wishing they were two again.

Mine got easier when they could dress & shower themselves, and just do more for themselves. You face new challenges though. And more attitude!

My cousin told me on the weekend to prepare myself as it just gets harder. Her DC are all over 18!!

Mine are 40+ but worries about grandchildren have taken over now 😳

Physically it got easier when they went to school (I had 3 under 5), when they had friends and activities, were more independent. Yes it was busy but I didn’t find it too stressful as such. Mentally teenage has been the hardest - not that they are trouble at all, I just worry ALL the time!! Exams, driving, friendships, mental health, more exams, have I been a good mum, university, more exams, life decisions etc.

When the youngest is in school, huge change- ours went to nursery but school seemed to be the point where a bit of self sufficiency kicked in.

my youngest is 4 and almost every day I have a spontaneous thought about how much easier and nicer life is than in the toddler years.

Mine are 17 & 16. Both neurodiverse (diagnosed at 14 & 16 respectively), one not in school as her mental health has absolutely plummeted and she barely functions. Shame she's supposed to be sitting her GCSEs in 4 months.

I do remember them being 1 and 2, 2 and 3 etc and it being really hard. It's still hard, just in a different way.

FWIW, my Dad says he'll let me know when it gets easier. My sister's 40 and I'm nearly 44 🤷‍♀️

Early to mid twenties, depending on the kid.
One of mine may even take longer (currently early twenties, no 'easiness' in sight).

I wish I could say I was joking.

Hang in there OP!

We are at 5 & 7 and it is so much better! It definitely isn’t as much hard work as when they were little and you can have lots of fun with them now they are a little more understanding of the world!