16 month old suddenly a fussy eater

[Hydrangea60]

My son has generally always eaten really well. When we started weaning he ate literally anything and everything, and it was a really healing experience for me after an awful breastfeeding journey. He's been gradually getting a bit fussier over the last couple of months but it's reached a peak over the last two weeks.

Lunches and snacks have often been more hit and miss, but now he will eat basically nothing I give him. I've tried:

Eggs in all forms
Muffin pizzas
Oatcakes/crackers with cheese
Vegs sticks, pitta and hummus/dips
Sandwiches
Tuna croquettes
Vegetable fritters
Blueberry pancakes
Cheesy oat bars
Rice cakes
Yogurt
Jacket potatoes
Home made potato wedges and bean burgers
Cheese and veg muffins
Mini quiches
Banana and peanut butter wraps (he picks out the banana and leaves the rest)

He refuses all of it. He won't even try, just shakes his head as soon as he sees it.

Breakfast and dinner are generally better, but we've given up trying to give him anything healthy for breakfast as he refuses eggs, porridge etc. He'll happily eat rice crispies, weetabix and peanut butter toast. For dinner he will have pasta, risotto and curry but not much else and I'm running out of ideas here as well.

I knew that toddlers went through a beige phase but surely not like this?! I feel like I'm spending all my free time prepping food that just goes straight into the bin. The HV said he now realises I give him toast etc when he refuses other things but he'd eat nothing otherwise. She gave me a leaflet with ideas but it's literally all things I've already tried so I'm sitting here crying feeling like a failure as a mum. He eats most things at nursery so it must be something I'm doing wrong.

For context, I had severe PND after he was born and am still struggling with my mental health. I also have a number of concerns about his development (he's not walking or really talking yet), so this just feels like the final straw.

Sorry for the long post, any advice appreciated.

It’s not the final straw @Hydrangea60, I promise you that he’ll be fine. I have one with ARFID and they’ve made adulthood in a fairly healthy state

It’s also really good that he’ll eat decent portions at two meals. I would keep with what he wants for breakfast. You can always try to add a little something to make it more healthy. So if he likes PB on toast, look for a good quality PB and add sliced banana. If he likes Weetabix could you serve a little bowl of something on the side like sliced kiwi or some berries?

DC under 5 are really good at regulating how many calories they have in a day so if he’s bright and alert at times and is following his centiles i would try and accept that you offer the food but it’s entirely up to him if he eats it or not.

Keeping a food diary might also help you see that actually he does eat over the week and stop you focusing on individual meals.

So maybe stop offering the alternatives for a week and keep a food diary any see how you get on?

Are you having any ongoing help for your MH?

Sorry I didn’t address your concerns about his development. Walking isn’t a concern until 18 months as long as he can bear weight on his legs. Will he stand against furniture or stand if you hold his hands?

And of you think his speech is a little behind, how does he score on this progress checker

@SleafordSods thanks for your reply, that's really helpful. He definitely wouldn't eat kiwi or berries with breakfast unfortunately, he used to love them both but now hates them. Banana, melon, pineapple and mango are the only fruits he eats consistently now so we try and give him them as often as we can.

Although I said he's generally good with dinner, he's just refused to eat any of the beef chilli that he normally loves. His dinner was two small chunks of melon and that's it, so I imagine he's not going to sleep tonight either. I'm completely lost and don't know whether we need to see a dietician, as I can't go on like this.

I was discharged from the perinatal mental health service when he turned one as they couldn't support me anymore. I've been referred to a charity for further support but don't have my first appointment for another couple of weeks. I'm not sure how helpful it's going to be though, I just pretty much hate every part of being a parent and don't see that changing any time soon.

Yes, he can stand independently and has been cruising for months, he just can't walk. All the other babies I know were walking between 10 and 13 months so this feels really late. I'm sick of having to carry a toddler and a pram around everywhere as well.

The speech checker shows he's behind as apparently he should have 20 words by 18 months, I would say he has about 5 so far and they're not very clear. He also doesn't point (he does a whole hand point but doesn't use his index finger). He used to wave and clap but doesn't anymore. I'm aware all of these are huge red flags for autism which doesn't help with my mental health either.

Sorry for being so negative, I think I'm just struggling to see light at the end of the tunnel at the moment.

If he's standing and cruising, walking will most likely come. Genes make a big contribution to age at first walking - where you, your partner or any relatives later to walk? www.bbc.com/news/articles/clywyrr5prwo

I’m so sorry that you’re struggling so much @Hydrangea60

Do you think it’s worth talking to the Pandas Foundation?

Until you get some more support is there anyone that can help? If you have a DH/DP are they around tomorrow? Can they take over mealtimes or take DS out for a few hours?

I can’t remember if you said that he was in Nursery? If he’s not, I think it would be worth putting him in one, even if it’s just for a couple of days a week, if you can afford it

All completely normal I'm afraid. If you think of how we evolved, we wouldn't have nearly as much variety as we do now. Toddlers are designed to refuse food so they don't wander off and eat poisonous berries. Just look at getting enough nutrition into him, even if it is from the same food each time. Look at food intake over a week, not per meal or day.

One of mine refused virtually all food at that age, but eats really well now. My kids also didn't walk until 16 months, but walk just fine now. Remember there is a wide variety of normal when it comes to child development.

The HV said he now realises I give him toast etc when he refuses other things but he'd eat nothing otherwise.

He eats most things at nursery so it must be something I'm doing wrong.

You have the answer here.

It's difficult with everything you have going on, but you have to chill out a bit. Offer him a wide range of healthy food across three meals and two snacks. Let him eat what he wants, when he's finished take away what is left and get on with your day. That's it. No offering something else, no bribery, no panicking. If he's eating well at nursery and eating all of the foods you describe it's unlikely to be ARFID or anything more serious than being a fussy bugger.

To make life easier try giving him more simple meals. There's a lot of cooking involved in some of the things you've listed and that will make it harder when it goes in the bin. Give him a baby version of whatever you're having so you don't need to make two different meals. Give him simple stuff like salmon, steamed carrots and sweet potato. Make him a picky plate. Easy, low energy, food. Make double portions and keep it in the fridge to try again the next day.

I must admit that by 3 DC1 would only reliably eat a cheese sandwich. I now can’t think of a single food he would refuse and is a good cook, much better than me

It’s stressful and frustrating and completely normal. You’re not doing anything wrong

Keep offering him little bits of foods he used to eat alongside his safe foods, don’t make any fuss over wether he does or doesn’t eat them and eventually he’ll start trying things again. Although be prepared for it not to be any time soon.

I really don’t think you have anything to worry about- he’s still eating quite a wide variety of foods from what you’re describing including meals and fruit. Just a toddler being a toddler- mine’s the same!

How are you today @Hydrangea60

A bit better today thanks 😊 I managed to get out to the gym this morning and my son hasn't eaten quite as badly. He's done a few tentative steps as well! My husband is going to start taking over more of the meal planning and cooking - I'd always done it because I used to enjoy it but I'm finding it so stressful now.

I work 4 days a week and DS is at nursery for 3 days (my husband covers the other day). Going back to work has helped me (my mental health was definitely worse when I was on mat leave), if I could I would increase my hours again but it's not possible unfortunately.

I'm still not entirely sure on how to approach the eating, I was a very fussy child and my parents just got angry and would make mealtimes into a huge battle. I knew I didn't want that but maybe I've been too permissive instead.

Thanks for your kind words, it means a lot.

@NuffSaidSam thank you for this, that's reassuring. I think you're right, I need to make things simpler. Do you have any suggestions for picky plates? I feel a bit lost at the moment with what else to try.

@Hydrangea60
Did you check against 18 months on the progress tracker? That's still a while off. I think 5 words by 16 months sounds really normal.
I can see that the tracker us a useful tool but it seems to suggest there is concern if just one question is answered the wrong way. I guess they want you signing to to emails so they instill a worry when you don't need to.

My 15 month old will only eat fruit yoghurt and breadsticks at the moment but I'm confident it's a phase and she will start eating more sooner or later as long as I keep offering it.

It sounds like you are are a really attentive and caring mum who naturally wants the best for her baby. I think there is a danger that you are so worried about missing something concerning that you are hyper focusing on things and it's stressing you out. From your post it sounds like you are doing a brilliant job and your baby us doing great.

My DD lovely picky plate or “bits” as we called it. I really did jist give them bits if whatever we had in, grated cheese, halved Cherry tomatoes, cucumber, tuna, bread sticks, whatever was going.

I’m glad that you’ve managed to get to the gym today, that’s very positive.

It’s also good that your DH is going to take over the meals a bit too.

I'd always go something from each food group:

For protein that could be:

Chicken (or any other meat you have)
Salmon/Cod/Tuna (or any other fish)
Prawns (or any other seafood)
Eggs (hard boiled, soft boiled, strips of plain omelette, strips of flavoured omelette)
Houmous
Peanut Butter
A bean based dip
Or even just beans/chickpeas for them to pick up and eat.

Then you want some dairy: any kind of cheese or a yoghurt or just a cup of milk on the side.

Then any veg, I'd usually give 2/3 types per plate.

Any fruit, one or two types.

And a carbohydrate:

Pieces of wrap cut up
Slice of bread and butter
Half a bagel
Breadsticks
Crackers
Rice cakes
Pasta
Pitta bread

Remember he doesn't have to like it. Give him a few things he likes and a few he doesn't. Make it easy by giving him stuff you're making anyway e.g if you've roasted a chicken on Sunday he can have some chicken on his picky plate on Monday. If you're making a salad give him some of whatever veg you're chopping. If you're having pizza give him a slice too and cover both dairy and carb in one section!