Increasingly anxious dd7

[Moodymornings]

Has anybody experienced onset of anxiety with a child and has any advice? I feel a bit broken. For about the last year my dd (now 7.5, year 3) has been experiencing on and off anxiety. It first manifested in not wanted to go to school and crying at the school gate, despite having lots of friends and generally liking school. (This was new - she wasn’t doing it before. Nothing noticeable to prompt it.)

Then that went away but then recently it started to manifest in not wanting to go to sleepovers. She’d done them before and been mildly nervous but mostly fine, but still, she’s still pretty young so I thought ok, no more sleepovers for a while.

But then today she has had the biggest meltdown. She was invited to a birthday party, and afterwards to the bday girl’s (one of her best friends) house to play (she was also invited to sleepover there but we’d already said no to that bit). She started to get nervous about going to the after bit at the house afterwards, I tried gently to hold the line at that bit because I don’t want her world shrinking so much she can’t even go on playdates with best friends! But she ended up having such a massive panic meltdown that in the end she didn’t even go to the party at all!

I don’t know what to do. I have reassured her she’s not in trouble and it’s ok to worry sometimes. But I do worry she is making her world smaller (there are other examples too btw, this is just the latest biggest one). It’s even with best friends. I don’t know how to encourage her to keep her world from shrinking while helping her feel safe.

On top of this I do feel embarrassed to be honest (keeping that from DD obvs!) and utterly exhausted. It feels like we suddenly can’t do quite simple stuff.

Help or advice or just support welcome.

This sounds horrid, I am sorry you went through it. How do you mean they mostly got what they deserved? I hate it when adults try and control dc.

I’m sure I’ll get people rolling my eyes at this and saying it’s mentioned too often and definitely not relevant here but this is very stereotypical of a neurodivergent girl and Y3 is one of the classic years for it to make an appearance (hormone surge combined with increased workload and expectations in school - again it happens going into secondary).

For many ND girls the overwhelming sign that is seen is anxiety.

Email 😂I mean your message/op. I should not be on Mumsnet while working

This was my dd. Later diagnosed AUDHD.

Anxiety is often the first presenting symptom of ND in young girls. And often incorrectly diagnosed as anxiety.

If she had recurring tummy aches you’d bring her to the GP. You wouldn’t think you were pathologising it.

This is the same. She has issues. You’re not making them up. Better to try and address them and, as you don’t know what’s going on yourself, then it would be a good idea to seek professional help for DD.

They can be hard to spot unless you know what you’re looking for, especially in girls.
May not be that at all, but best to keep an open mind. Don’t be thinking, ‘oh she makes eye contact so she can’t be autistic’ though. It varies an awful lot from person to person.

Our youngest DD was very similar, it started around age 8. No ND at all.

You can't allow this anxiety to take hold. She needs to learn how to regulate it and live with it. And that's a job for a professional to work with you and her. Start with your GP and go from there.

How do I mean?
They mostly ended up rotting on their own or dead, because their adult "kids" realised they were being abused.
My step sister is in a MH institution, my cousin committed suicide and my school peers either suffer anxiety or are violent (or in prison).
Not all of them, obviously.
Born in Communist Czechoslovakia.

Luckyingame

Thank you.

46 yo, healing now!
Forgot to add, a suspected ND schoolmate was so frightened to call upon the adults (parents, teachers) about her headache, she died of meningitis age eight.
We kids didn't understand. Will never forget.❤️

OP, please, be patient with your daughter.