Year 7 term 2 meltdown

[Plikl]

Year 7 term 2 meltdown

My daughter seemed to really enjoy her first term of high school (much to our surprise), she’s made friends and appeared to be coping with the change extremely well. Even wanting to take the bus to get there early and see everyone.

She’s made a group of friends however she says she can’t be herself around them (she’s not being bullied) it’s more an internal thing where she says she feels unsafe to show herself and she doesn’t know why. We’ve had an absolute tornado of a couple of weeks with her refusing to go school (she did have a sickness bug but this was the week before but she was brining that up a lot as an excuse and now is saying she’s totally exhausted) she said school is ‘too much’ she says it’s like going to a crowded festival everyday and it’s exhausting her just getting through the day. She says it’s a ‘scary place’ and joke is her ‘safe place’. She says she hates it, everything about ir and it and feels constantly anxious. She say she needs quiet time but doesn’t want to sit alone in the library, that she’s scared to walk anywhere alone. She says the her body and mind are totally exhausted and she can’t cope anymore:

Is this normal to suddenly happen? I feel it’s come from nowhere?

I’m seriously worried about her. She spent two hours today sobbing about how much she hates it and an hour or so yesterday.

I’ve told school and I’ve also told her to tell school but they don’t seem to be doing much.

Any advice appreciated- and before anyone says anything, she is on a waiting list for autism but I don’t just want to jump to that conclusion as her early and primary years were all pretty smooth.

Thanks :)

It sounds very much like she's been masking heavily to fit in and now she's exhausted from it.

A lot of what you've put is very much the type of thing experienced by neurodiverse children when they enter large secondary schools. Particularly girls. Their smaller primary schools have been much less demanding in terms of sensory overload so their neurodiversity remains hidden by their masking and ability to copy social skills.

I think she will very likely get an autism diagnosis when you get assessed - which may well be a very long wait.

I'd go and see the school SENCO. Things that could be put in place that might help are having a calmer space to go to for lunch and breaks. Often a SEN hub or similar depending on the school. A classroom exit pass if she needs to step out of the room for a while to not become overwhelmed could also be helpful.

I agree that she probably muddled through primary school and secondary is too overwhelming for her. Mine went through the same and eventually issued 18 months of school. She got a diagnosis or autism at 17.

Hi,
I just wanted to respond because the title of your post caught my eye. My daughter is in year 9 now but she had a very difficult time in year 7 and 8. She started off completely fine but after Christmas in Y7 term 2 started to sob at night saying she had a bad feeling but couldn’t explain why. She said she was in a friendship group of girls but she wasn’t sure that any of them really liked her and that she didn’t feel ‘safe’. She said she felt invisible and that it was all too much. She was exhausted trying to act like she was someone else to fit in. She really, really struggled with the louder more vivacious girls and just seemed to lose herself completely. Tutor time, break time and lunch times were the worst. It was a really difficult period of time and I feel for you if your daughter is going through something similar.

To be honest I was a bit shocked that my easy going previously happy daughter was so unhappy and so anxious and lost. We gave her lots of cuddles and tried to reassure her, encouraging her to be herself and see that there were some parts of school that were easier and that school wasn’t the only part of life! We really encouraged friendships outside of school (old primary friend a who had gone to different schools) and got her involved in a few different activities separate from school. I spoke to the pastoral team but they didn’t really do anything helpful.

Things are a bit better now. The big friendship group fell apart with lots of the girls deciding they were ‘too cool’ for my daughter and moving on to other friendships. She now has one fairly close friend in school and others that she chats to at lunch etc
She has closer friendships and more interests outside of school.

Secondary school can be brutal. It sounds like you are doing great. The fact she is talking to you about it is brilliant. I hope she starts to find things easier soon.
Sending a hug x

Does the school have clubs she could go to? She might find it helpful to have a place to go where she meets other students who share the same interests. Usually if there are clubs, there are a few that are designed to give students some quiet space.

Thank you for your message , it’s sO reassuring and helpful. I may even read it to her but will have to work out how! Thanks again… it is just so heartbreaking to say see you happy and vibrant child lose all their joy xxx