Sleep training???

[SendHelpandSnacks]

My son, 22months, is a really good sleeper once he's asleep. The issue is getting him to sleep... He used to be brilliant, we'd put him in his cot drowsy but awake and he'd lay there and put himself to sleep. For months now, he cries if we leave the room. We have to stay in his room and pat him to sleep. This can take 15mins but sometimes over an hour.
My SIL said we don't need to sleep train him as he already sleeps through the night. I'm constantly battling between wondering if he's overtired or undertired. We have a very strict routine of bath, books, cuddle and bed. But he seems to have really bad separation anxiety for almost a year now... My husband is reluctant to "sleep train" him, as he just wants to offer him comfort but my fear is, will we be patting a 4 year old to sleep? Or will things be different by then? I want the strict rule of "bedtime is bedtime, go to sleep" but my son can't understand that yet.
Does anyone have any experience of comforting their child to sleep and did you manage to stop that habit as they got older? I hear of people staying in their child's room at the age of 8 and that's just my worst nightmare. My evenings are sacred. Any advice would be greatly appreciated 🙏🏼

How often does it take over an hour? If the norm is 15 minutes and he's off, then I'd be very happy with that and think you have a good thing going.

I wonder how many adults would be able to go to sleep just because someone said "it's bedtime now go to sleep"

Just gradually walk it back:

I'm not going to pat your back but I'll hold your hand

I'm not going to hold your hand but I'll sit on the end of the bed

I'm going to sit here for a few minutes but then I've got to go and do xyz, I'll come back and check on you.

That's how we did it anyway x

Aw thanks for that @molehole , that's really helpful 🙏🏼 I'll start gradually introducing steps like that. Thank you x

My nearly four year old still needs us to stay with him to go to sleep, and it is draining sometimes and takes away my evening, but also I choose to do it because it’s the comfort he needs still to go to sleep. If your son has separation anxiety the sleep training won’t get rid of that, it will worsen it but teach him to stay silent about it as there’s no point crying. 22 months is still very young, kids are biologically not able to learn to self soothe until they are at least 5.

I think he sounds like an excellent sleeper. I would absolutely expect a less than 2 year old to still need you nearby to fall asleep. I personally wouldn’t do anything differently.