Panicking a bit about DD bday party

[kisaki333]

Ok so relatively new to this, only did one other bday party when she was 2. Now she will be 4. I sent invites to the whole nursery. Of 30, about a third rsvp'ed to say they are coming and the rsvp deadline is now passed. Nobody replied to say they are NOT coming. (Although rsvp technically means you should respond either way).
So i've been working on the assumption we'll have less than 15 children coming (10 from nursery and another 4-5 friends invited separately) .

But now i read somewhere that people don't always rsvp. Is that really the case? Should I expect people that were invited but didn't rsvp to just turn up?! The cake, food and party favours are all sized for 15 children. (Mind you, I did add in some breathing space, so could maybe cater up to 20). But it will be quite crowded if everyone turns up!

To note the invites were paper-based as there is no parents' group chat and I hardly know any of the other parents. So can't really follow up with the non-responders.

Have you experienced this much? Where people just show up? And what should I do in this case? Can't really turn them away, can i?

When is the party? Does the nursery use a parent app (tapestry etc)/ could they post a message to all parents in your dc’s room? I would definitely try to get a better idea of who is/ isn’t coming.

In my experience people only tend to RSVP if they are planning to come (though I agree I means you should reply either way!)

I’ve had a few parents in the past reply after the RSVP date and ask if it’s still possible to join, but I’ve never had anyone just turn up without replying.

No, no app, like i said i can't contact the other parents in any way. Party is in a couple of weeks.
Thing is when i had her 2yo party nobody showed up unannounced. So the thought never crossed my mind. But that was a different nursery and they did have an app. So in that case I had done a chaser 1 week prior. That's not an option this time 😔

I would expect rsvps by a week before. Doesn’t matter when you ask for them by. A week or so before is pretty normal. I’ve never had anyone turn up without rsvping in my collective 20 years of doing birthday parties, but I would definitely expect to hear from people up until a few days before. Also a lot of people (like me) only actually go through their bags about once a month, so I’d guess quite a few people have not seen it yet.

Thank you! If they rsvp after the deadline, it's not a big problem. I'm just worried they'll just turn up!

We had this exact same issues

No WhatsApp chat for the school year, so sent out 28 invites in bags before Christmas, giving 4 weeks notice for the party, 2 weeks to RSVP over Christmas

10 replies in total, about 18 children from school ended up turning up though, so that's about 10 that didn't bother to tell me and a few dropped out who had RSVPed yes

We also had around 10 family/family friends come too, who all RSVPed just fine

School mums are lazy and rude 🙄

Well if they do, you say “oh, I didn’t realise you were coming as I didn’t hear from you. I don’t have a party bag for little Bonnie, but she’s welcome to join in”.
bloody rude not to reply.

Sorry but yes in my experience some people don’t rsvp but turn up anyway, or rsvp late, or don’t bother replying at all and don’t come.
Cater for about 20 but have emergency extras just in case

My son's nearly 13. In 9 years of bigger parties, I have only once had a child turn up without RSVP-ing. I think you'll only get 2-3 more at the most.

@Bess91OMG that is shocking! But let's not blame just the mums, dads also guilty if not more guilty.

@somanychristmaslights trouble is i don't even know all the kids. So I'd have to rely on a very excited 4yo to tell me their names as they walk in and then cross check against the list. Don't think i can do that... will just have to bring backups.
Now I'm going to have nightmares of what if everyone shows up as the place does have a cap of max 25 children

I’ve not had anyone I’ve invited who hasn’t rsvp’d turn up, but have had people who have rsvp’d try to drop siblings off.

Yes, some people may show up without RSVPing. Since you're prepared for up to 20, just be flexible and welcome anyone who arrives. You can't really turn them away, so keep it relaxed and enjoy the party!

Dads also are useless but that's a given 😂

We had the party a while back. Indeed nobody showed up without having rsvp'ed. But we did get extra siblings!!! A lot, even! About a third of the guests came with extra siblings! 🙄
Some first asked me "is it ok they come in too". Some didn't bother, they just walked in and started playing. And one of them even had the nerve to sit at the table and expect food! And at the end line up to get a party bag and separate portion of cake. I mean, when I saw the extra siblings I did quickly arrange extra foods and bags etc. But to actually assume it will be done is shocking! I didn't say anything, I didn't want to cause a scene and ruin the atmosphere. Bu this is really putting me off from organising another party 😔

That's so rude!! I've had people ask if they can bring siblings before, or at soft play they might bring them and pay for the sibling, but very rude to just assume you're part of the party!

My advice is:

send a little reminder to everyone about the party and ask politely that if anyone wants to come who hasn’t rsvpd yet to please do so.

plan on a couple of unexpected guests on the day (make up a few extra party bags)

At least you could cobble together the extras! People are just so rude.