13 year old daughter not eating

[imonthetrainanditsawful]

Hello, I am looking for some advise on how best to help my daughter.

Around Christmas break her mood dropped and her appetite decreased.

We took her to the GP who said wait 2 weeks and come back. I contacted the school, they also said let’s wait and see.

she did start her period a week later, but this do not change her mood or eating.

Her eating got worse, gp recommended talking therapy and has referred. School said they are over subscribed for help at school.

daughter was sent home from school for lack of energy last week. No longer eating things I could get her to eat, chocolate milk and pancakes. Is eating cereal bars and flapjacks. Probably consuming all of 200 kcals a day.

daughter says the thought of eating foods make her feel sick. When she eats, she feels nauseous and her mind is telling her she no longer likes these foods.

DH not too worried, I spend every minute thinking about her, struggling to do my job and monitoring her.

I made her cry this morning by accusing her of doing this to herself and not trying to help herself. I feel awful and positive I am not helping the situation.

any advise on next steps would be appreciated, feel like I am making all the wrong choices.

On this low of an intake, it’s likely that she may require immediate medical intervention. I would phone 111 and make clear how few calories she is consuming a day and how long this has been going on for - they will be able to advise whether A&E is needed. In the meantime, the best approach is probably to keep things low pressure around food but to continue frequently offering anything you think she might take - even better if it’s nutrient dense (e.g. smoothie, or juice even at this point, peanut butter)

I think you need specialist help. Is she drinking water? Or juice etc?

Try not to put anything in her head about this. Just gentle encouragement until you can get help.

Go back to the GP again, but is there anyway you can go private? I think this is quite urgent to be honest.

Didn't read the pp before I posted, hard agree with @TeachWithMissM

Sorry to hear this. If she’s only managing less than 500 calories a day for a few days she needs to be seen in A&E. It’s really urgent to address this not only from physical decompensation point of view but also if it’s an emerging eating disorder the longer it goes unchallenged the more entrenched it will become.
Did GP check her weight? BP and heart rate?
Trust your instinct. You’re not wrong to be really worried but getting quick expert input is key.

Could she maybe be getting bullied at school or online and making her feel anxious and nauseous, so off her food?

She obviously needs to see a specialist. Do you get any extras with life insurance such as online GP and counselling sessions (Aviva, Royal London and LV all offer these as do some others) you can also access if you have an LV pension. Otherwise return to GP for an urgent referral or speak to 111. You will likely have to stamp your feet.
On a practical note if she cannot manage meals, make her mini snack packs with around 150-200kcal per pot - dates and peanut butter, chocolate, cheese, yogurts, meat sticks. Anything she will/can eat. Personally I wouldn’t even think about fruit and veg unless it is high cal such as dates or avocado.

Read Eva Musbys book for parents. It saved us.

Medical attention asap. No exercise inc walking. Follow musbys plan with you taking over her food intake.

I second the Eva Musby book, it is excellent.

im sorry you are going through this but the sooner you get specialist help the better

As a former anorexic, the fact she is switching to relatively healthier snacks from pancakes and chocolate milk would suggest it really is preoccupying her. Is there anything else going on at home, school, clubs etc?

Thank you, I did not consider 111 and will call them. I will also look at that book recommendation. Thank you all for your responses

Hope it works out for you op. It can be a hard road. We followed the Musby book method and Dd saw a strict psychiatrist who was really tough with her which was actually the perfect approach. A year on her bmi is bottom end of normal and she is eating normally. We are “appropriately vigilant” as the lovely CAHMs man said we needed to be when he signed her off.

This sounds like very classic anorexia, I’m sorry op.

Theres a long running thread for parents of teens/young people with eating disorders under the eating disorder section on mn.

Pp is right she needs urgent medical attention, this needs to include bloods, an ecg and pulse/Bp. Anything less than 500 calories needs a&e.

She sounds too unwell for school and you may need to consider getting signed off work as getting her back on track will be all consuming.