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12 mo -Having a hard time figuring out what counts as waving, clapping, pointing

10 replies

Anxiousfirsttimemom · 21/01/2026 08:27

Let me start off by saying I have anxiety and OCD. My daughter is turning one this week and I’m not sure if it’s because such a huge birthday is coming up, but I’ve been more anxious about milestones this week. I’m a first time mom, never have been around kids. It’s difficult for me to determine what “counts” as a milestone.

For example, the throwing a ball milestone. Until I saw a video of my friend’s baby throwing a ball, I was under the impression hitting that milestone means a perfectly looped throw. I was worried my daughter wasn’t doing that but she definitely is, if that’s what’s considered throwing a ball. So I’m here to ask a few questions.

I know for sure she meets the following milestones:

-hands and knees crawling, cruising, standing independently from the floor, pincher grasp, holds her bottle and most recently, she’s able to drink from an open cup by herself, eats solids well
-showing/giving objects, reaching to be picked up, arms up when I say arms up
-her receptive language (what she understands) is amazing, definitely her greatest strength, she follows directions incredibly well. Give kiss, go get sleep sack, find story time book, close drawer, practice walking, peekaboo, wave hi, where’s toes/ear, she understands about 40+ words
-she babbles many consonants d, b, l, g, m, n, y, w. Very good at imitating sounds
-she can stack a few blocks on top of each other, really good at the shape sorter, stacks rings, can put blocks back, like uses her other hand to open the bag so it fits the block

The following I’m not so sure about:

-Talking: she says mama and dada and definitely knows who we are. She will often look at dada and mama and say them to us. But she also says them randomly too. Does that count? She says ba for ball but only if I ask her “what’s this?” Same thing for nana when I show her a banana. Also sometimes she mixes it up, like I’ll say what’s this to the ball and she says nana. But she can 100% identify ball and nana correctly if I ask her to find it

-Pointing: she points with her hand open. But in the last week, I’ve seen index finger emerging. It’s not a totally straight index finger but she’s been sticking it out, sometimes with her other fingers in a fist, sometimes with other fingers open. Does this count? She points to share, identify, request

-Waving: she waves by opening and closing her hands but does it when asked to wave or if someone waves at her. Doesn’t do it spontaneously but has in the past, usually to strangers not so much to me or dad

-Clapping: this one is stressing me out. She can bang two objects together but still isn’t really clapping. Recently I’ve seen her do one clap horizontally, but then she goes back to her vertical claps where she slaps one hand above the other hand back and forth.
When I say “clap” that’s how she claps. She will also clap my hands. I do think her clapping is emerging though since she seems more intentional with trying to clap her hands together as opposed to vertically

I’m sorry if this is obnoxious. I’ve been having trouble sleeping and just need to get it out there. If I see it as she’s not waving, pointing, clapping, talking at one year, I get very nervous. But maybe she is doing those things and I’m being a little harsh? I’m not worried about neurodivergence in general, but the idea of neurodivergence on the more severe side keeps me up at night.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
remotecontrolcrane · 21/01/2026 08:40

She sounds very capable and you've nothing to worry about. There is huge variation in development before 2 and she sounds like she's at the more advanced end.

Marylou62 · 21/01/2026 08:58

Op.. I'm going to say this very gently.

You are going to have a very very long time parenting (my DC are adults and I'm still parenting).
You will get in a right state and exhaust yourself with excessive worrying.

Because every baby/child develops differently the guidelines are average.

My youngest DC didn't have the average words by 3 but I looked at the bigger picture. He was engaged and made himself understood. And was in the debating society in secondary school!
My grandsons language is very advanced and he throws a ball very accurately. (Sport mad family) but he's not at all interested in sit and ride bikes or climbing.

I'm not saying not to worry.. I did a bit but talked myself out of it.

I would like to hug you and tell you to take a deep breath. To enjoy the ride.

Every single friend of mine who was excessivly anxious regrets all the wasted time worrying rather than enjoying their DC childhood.

Please please get help with your anxiety.

Hosoan · 21/01/2026 09:26

I assess child development for a living (NHS professional) and you have nothing at all to worry about. Your little one sounds to be developing completely fine. Try not to over focus on the small stuff...you wouldn't want to transfer your anxiety to her. She is fine.

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Hosoan · 21/01/2026 09:27

And please get help for your anxiety

soupyspoon · 21/01/2026 09:27

Just enjoy her rather than seeing her as series of traits and behaviours

You are being forensic about her and thats not good for you or her.

Toastythesnowman · 21/01/2026 09:29

She sounds great. They all do things at their own pace and she's learning. She can hit two blocks together, that's super fun, it'll move into clapping, just keep showing her how to do it. She is waving and pointing, just needs a bit of finessing!

Could you drive the first time you tried? Swim the first time you went in a pool? No. They need practice just like older children and grown ups do.

Ohthatsabitshit · 21/01/2026 09:33

She sounds like she IS doing all those things and it’s perfectly normal to be anxious. You are both doing well as far as I can tell from your post.

reabies · 21/01/2026 10:13

Echoing PP that your child sounds absolutely fine, and is doing tons of stuff my 13m old isn't doing (but I'm not worried, he's happy and engaged and trying new stuff every day).

Milestones are not designed to be a test that they pass/fail. It's an average of what kids can do at certain points. Just like not every baby will sit on the 50th percentile for height or weight, not every baby will clap/wave/talk/walk at the same age.

Keep being an engaged mum, keep showing your baby new things, and you'll be grand.

Anxiousfirsttimemom · 21/01/2026 12:36

Thanks everyone. Again I stayed up all night looking at rare diseases. My daughter is amazing, she deserves so much more. I am on Zoloft and upped my dose this week, which usually makes me a bit wonky which I forgot.

OP posts:
Marylou62 · 21/01/2026 15:27

Anxiousfirsttimemom · 21/01/2026 12:36

Thanks everyone. Again I stayed up all night looking at rare diseases. My daughter is amazing, she deserves so much more. I am on Zoloft and upped my dose this week, which usually makes me a bit wonky which I forgot.

Again said kindly..you really really need help to overcome your extreme anxiety. Staying up all night researching rare diseases is way OTT. Which I'm sure you realise? You will regret all the time you have spent worrying. Talk to your health visitor or Dr.

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