Pick up hell

[Perrylobster]

Hi all, hoping for some advice please. I’m a single parent and I do school pick up every day. My children usually come out of school happy, but the moment it’s just the three of us they start fighting about who gets to speak first. They both want to tell me every detail of their day, which I genuinely love, but if one starts talking the other cries, then it swaps, and it almost always ends in an argument. The mood gets crushed instantly - It's been like it for years!
I’ve tried mixing things up, planning little surprises, taking turns, setting rules, but nothing seems to stick. Has anyone been through this or found something that actually works? I’d really appreciate any suggestions because it’s starting to make pick up stressful for all of us.

Could you walk in the middle and have one speak in your left ear and one speak into you right ear? That way you can hear both.

Could they tell eachother about their day and you just listen? I sometimes get my husband to tell me about his day through via my toddler otherwise my son talks over him 😂

How old are they? Crying because they didn't talk first is ridiculous. I'd tell them that as they can't seem to walk home nicely then you're not going to listen to how their days were until you're all back home. Hopefully by the time you get home they'll be less wound up about it. Or maybe give them a small snack when they get out of school because tiredness and hunger cause so much crap like this

Get them to tell each other about their day and each day swap who goes first so the one who went second goes first the next day.

They're still screaming and fighting now about it. I've threatened every possible thing but it ends in more chaos and fighting.

I've tried this but they won't take turns.

Just walk home in silence. Ignore them. They’ll soon get the message

Give them snacks.

Then neither of them gets to share their day with you. This is poor behaviour and poor behaviour isn't rewarded.

I'm curious how old they are that they're still screaming and fighting about it so long after pick up.

How old are they?

Give them a speaking stick with a time limit. Remember - you are the adult

I would walk home in silence (or singing songs or something not focused on either) and then allocate each of them 10 minutes 1-1 when you get in while the other eats their snack or has one episode of a chosen program.

If my son came out of school in a mood I’d just turn the car radio up

Use a talking stick, teddy, object etc. You can't talk unless you're holding it. If you interrupt no treat after dinner or something like that.

They are far to old to be acting like this and should of learnt to takes turn years ago if they can't do that nobody talks until they learn to take turns.

at a time when they’re NOT arguing, you need to tell them that you’ve had enough, and they have two choices- one- they can follow the plan you’re about to set out, or two- they can walk home in silence.

the plan is this.

week 1
Monday - dc 1 speaks first
Tuesday - dc 2 speak first
Wednesday - dc 1 speaks first
Thursday - dc 2 speaks first
Friday - dc1 speaks first

week 2
Monday - dc 2 speaks first
Tuesday - dc 1 speak first
Wednesday - dc 2 speaks first
Thursday - dc 1 speaks first
Friday - dc2 speaks first

Whilst one dc is speaking the other has snack.

do not tolerate anything else. Interrupting or whingeing- nobody talks, nobody gets snack. And stick to it rigidly.

Do you have some tape?

😂I'm heading to B&Q!

Odd days of the month , 1,3,5,7,9 etc DC1 talks first

Even days DC2 talks first

Can the other listen to music on wireless headphones with a say 10 min timer then they swap

Bonus - if they keep fighting you put the headphones on so neither can talk to you

This is desperate hard work and pandering unnecessarily. The parent is in charge. That’s non negotiable

Thanks all, it's really good to vent!
I've had to enlist the help of grandparents which is a very rare occurrence, but necessary today before I had a heart attack.
I think the stick idea is great, and if that doesn't work, I can use it to beat them with (joke!)
Also the rota printed off is another idea i'll use.
For those asking, they're at primary school but definitely old enough to know better!!

What have you threatened and have you followed through on those threats?

So what’s the alternative?
it’s not pandering- it’s setting a clear boundary, and reinforcing with negative consequences if the expectation isn’t met- but setting them up for success with a clear plan.
The OP doesn’t want to not hear about their day- she wants them not to argue!