I don’t expect top grades from DD12. I just want decent attendance, homework attempted and ask that she tries do what she can. DD12 has always needed reminding and I’m the one doing that, going to parents evenings, chasing school, the lot. Her other parent has no interest and won’t engage if I try to discuss it. Their view is that “it is what it is”.
At my house I’ve disabled DD12’s phone until homework is done, which until recently, has worked. The other parent has now given DD12 an iPad without any parental controls, so if I disable the phone it makes no difference as they just switch devices.
I’ve thought about insisting all homework is done at my house, but that just makes me the parent associated with rules and work while the other home stays the “fun” one. And I worry long term that this just pushes DD12 away from me.
I explain to DD12 that I’m not being strict (their word) for the sake of it, I ask them to go to school and do their homework because I care about their future. But I still end up feeling like the bad guy and I’m genuinely worried about their education and future - not to mentioned how much I worry about too much screen time on her wellbeing. I try my best to educate DD12 about mental health and looking after herself, and I’ll keep chipping away, but it’s in one ear and out the other at this stage in her life.
Has anyone dealt with this kind of imbalance. How do you hold boundaries without constant conflict or becoming the non fun parent when the other parent won’t back you up?