3 year old naughtiness

[Turmerictea]

I guess Im looking for help or advice!

My DD turned 3 in Dec and the last 6 weeks or so have been a nightmare. I am a SAHM and we have routines - playgroups and seeing nanny etc. Two days at nursery.

In the last 6 weeks she's stopped wanting to do anything - get dressed, have her hair brushed, go out. Everything becomes a fight. She runs off and slams doors on us, if we follow her, she hits us.

We've tried removing things and consistent boundaries. Time outs only work so far. She usually ends up hysterical and crying "sorry sorry sorry" but then repeats the behaviour.

We've introduced a star chart but she doesn't care. She screams and shouts and eventually cries.

She's very bright, articulate and loves playing. Very little screen time - maybe 2 hours a day telly usually when she gets up. No phone or tablet use.

Today we had playgroup and she refused to leave, did the usual, so I said ok, and I just ignored her. Started tidying. Eventually she came out and started playing and wanting to help.

What can we do?!! Or just such it up and itll get better?!

This is normal. I am in it myself. They are testing boundaries all the time and it is exhausting.

Sorry no actual advice. But solidarity

Stop TV when she gets up. From now on she can only have it once she’s dressed and hair brushed. If she makes a fuss and takes ages then the time wasted comes out of her TV time, beyond making that clear I would simply ignore and not engage. I would also offer a simple choice of what to wear so you’re asking ‘blue or pink top’ not telling her ‘get dressed’. Same with the hair- let her pick what clips, headband or whatever.

I think star charts are hard for that age to grasp. Better for age 4 plus. I go for immediate rewards, e.g. can have a sweet once they’re dressed or telly once dressed and teeth brushed etc.

I also agree it’s normal and just keep holding boundaries and being consistent and kind. We do ‘time in’ (now you’ve got to come and sit and have a chat with mummy etc and can’t play that game) rather than time out as research has shown that withdrawing affection when they’re really upset and disregulated can be counterproductive. I would say 2 hours screen time first thing is a lot actually. I found when I was letting my 2.5 year old have tv on first thing her behaviour was worse. We have snuggly time with a book first thing now and it’s improved.

It’s normal and a phase you have to ride out. I wouldn’t call 2 hours a day of tv minimal screen time though for a 3 year old. Cut that down to 30 minutes a day and only when she’s ready and behaving nicely.

We do. She just resists - even presented with choices.

We will try no telly first thing

Have you tired pulling her away and calmly explaining if she doesn't stop you will go home immediately and then very importantly seeing that through if she doesn't stop after you count to 10. I appreciate this means you may repeatedly only be attending places for less than 5 mins, or not getting out the door at all. But she is looking for you to impose boundaries. She is testing you. Because boundaries make kids feel safe.

I do know it's not easy. As I said, I am in this stage myself and it takes the enjoyment out of everything

Remember a tv is still a screen - just a larger sized one! So 2 hours a day of screen time is a lot for a 3 year old.

I think what you did at playgroup sounded very sensible - if she loves playgroup then I'd say get her to start nursery or preschool, it's great prep for school.

If she loves playing then I would be sure to give her at least one warning 5 minutes before you need her to do something else. This made a huge difference to DS.

Can you make anything she doesn't want to do into a fun game? So can she do x before you count to 10, can she do some magic while you're not looking and put her trousers on, can she brush her own hair with the magic wand brush (then you say 'what a great job, you just missed a bit here' and go over it again).

Just keep being calm and consistent, it's typical threenager behaviour.

That age I tended to get mine dressed very early on while still dozy from sleep, (this didn’t always work) but the reward would be tv, not tv first as then there was no incentive to do anything. I packed breakfast with the view to eating it on the way if we had no time at hime due to pissing about. If he was hungry he’d follow the lunchbox out of the door like a little dog. Hair brushed when distracted. Teeth brushed twice a day but I was pretty lax about when as long as it was done.

Other than that, repeating instructions clearly and in a monotone voice but then being jolly happy praising sing song when he was doing what I asked. He also had quite dramatic outbursts of storming off to his room and hitting, but he absolutely hates not getting attention so ignoring and refusing to engage and being completely blank faced with no eye contact did usually make him snap out of it.

I used an old fashioned oven timer shaped like a tomato for countdowns to finish playing, leaving the houses. It a sand timer. The visual helps them much better than saying five minutes when they don’t know what five minutes is.

solidarity, tis just a phase.

I clicked on this thread looking for advice but 'If he was hungry he’d follow the lunchbox out of the door like a little dog' has killed me sorry

My three year old is exactly the same at the moment but with added throwing, hitting siblings and constantly saying rude things eg 'poo poo, stinky bums'. For him I think it's pushing boundaries and looking for attention.

Interesting what @chateauneufdupapa says about 'time in' rather than 'time out' - mine HATES time out - you can really hear the distress in his voice if he's given even 20 seconds of it. This means I'm reluctant to actually follow through, although I threaten it quite a lot. I realise that probably means he takes me less seriously! I'm going to try 'time in' instead and see if that has better results.

Have you tried giving more one on one time, attention etc incase that's part of why she's acting up?

Normal

Doesn't wanna get dressed??? Ok.....? Walk away... Then she'll follow. 'Oh we can't go to play group in our pyjamas, can we?!?' Hahaha.

Child wanders off and gets dressed

2 hours a day of screen time is a massive amount for a 3 year old. I’d cut that back massively and also only do TV after you’ve been outside to burn off energy - park, playground, shopping trip or whatever. But it doesn’t sound totally unusual for the age.

My son is 3.5 and getting him to do anything is a battle atm. Feel like we spend our day just trying to get him on board 😂 we do a mixture of warnings/countdowns so he knows what to expect (e.g. use a sand timer or one more turn then we'll leave), choices where both are acceptable to us (e.g. are you having a fast bath or a slow bath tonight), giving independence (can you help me get us in the car), or just consequences (if you don't stand nicely with me then we aren't going to grandads). It mostly works, he's a pretty good kid but it is tiring! You have to mean what you say though, if you say no tv that day then don't give in, if you say you aren't going somewhere don't go, then they know you aren't messing about.

Thank you so much for all the replies, Im sorta glad it's normal behaviour! I will reduce screen time, try timers and time-ins.