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Helping 9 year old to “ read the room”! Friendships and exclusion

2 replies

Tista · 20/01/2026 10:27

Hi any tips for helping 9 year old juggle friendships/ social behaviour? Resources or things that worked? He veers from struggling to fit into a bigger group and getting excluded, vs being overexcited/ really needy and putting new friends off. Things like ignoring all other kids and standing 2m away waiting for new friend .

he’s sociable and confident but is starting to lose his confidence and joy. Heartbreaking to watch.

he can be quite emotional and deep, it doesn’t help that he won’t join in some stuff like football as doesn’t like it. He had a best friend for a few years but got ditched / grew apart.

school has been rubbish just says he’s well liked and gets on with everyone ( awesome!) but he doesn’t really have any close friends ( no play dates until I organise, which I do about 1 x month but it’s getting obvious he’s being excluded, not been asked for one for about a year maybe longer). Tried lots outside school but team sports feel a big fail ( he’s not liked it/ persevered) and it’s still adult led lessons rather than opportunities to get to know each other. Trying to find something else. Cubs was going well til a school mate started and he dropped his other friends . He’s still going tho. Help!

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Pr1mr0se · 20/01/2026 12:35

Posting as this sounds so familiar.

We joined some out of school clubs and it didn't work well as most of the attendees were from school so no opportunity for a new friendship group at all. It's very disheartening.

The only thing that has worked for us is to have conversations at home in the evening about how playtime/lunchtime was today bring the conversation around to not being so sensitive / judgy with friends along the lines of it's ok not to like everything a friend says/ does all the time but they are still your friend. It has helped to smooth the emotional roller-coaster with friendships and make day to day life at school a bit happier.

If anyone comes on here with any other tips, that would be most welcome!

parietal · 20/01/2026 12:51

He could look for who else is alone and talk to them. And have a game to keep the interaction going - top trumps is great for this if you find a set for a popular topic.

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