DD3 only wants mummy

[TibbyMoves]

Hello, DD3 only wants mummy. She “rejects” her daddy. He is amazing and very involved and present but overall less than me (I work part time). She did have a phase when her brother was born where she only wanted him. I had to power through and “force” my presence in particular for night wakings. Now however she gets out of bed so it’s more difficult to deal with bed and sleep if she’s unhappy with who is here. My lovely DH feels a bit down about it. Any tips or strategies? We are reviewing our routines so daddy is more involved and also thinking about special time with daddy but don’t know how frequently etc. Any experience welcome!

It's just a phase, don't overthink it and definitely don't "force anyone's presence"!
If she doesn't want Daddy and you're available, Daddy can go do the washing up instead. She'll want him more if he's a steady, cheery, not-needy presence in the house. Rather than a pouty "why don't you want me" type vibe.

This is normal. 2 things: he needs to persevere. It’s not good enough to say, oh, she wants you! And go back to bed. He needs to do it anyway. It’s not about forcing. It’s about being engaged. There will be times when she has no choice because you are ill or working or seeing friends. So he needs to not have a sulk and get on with it.

Does he have his things he does with her every day? Every week? He needs to create routines. Dh was the only one of us who ever did baths and getting them ready for bed. From end of dinner til the were in bed in pyjamas, I was off duty. So they always had an hour a day every day that was only Dh.

And secondly, do they have things they do together just the 2 of them? I’m guessing he’s around less in the week if he is working and you are possibly home with a new baby. So every weekend, he takes her out for the afternoon or for a day, because at the moment, he’s probably missing out on a lot of 1 to 1 time. They can go swimming or to the park or to visit family. Dh often takes the dc to go meet up with his friends and the kids all get to play together. By that age, he was starting to take them away on camping trips or weekends away. Bonds happen through being present and engaged. He has to just do it if he wants it to happen.

What’s his relationship like with his other children?

Maybe try to carve out one to one time over the weekend

No advice but I was recently having a peaceful wet afternoon walk in the woods when I met a chap coming the other way trailing three dogs and two children. The little girl, who I’d guess was about three, was loudly calling “Mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, I want my mummy”. Non stop. Poor chap. He tried. “Mummy’s at work. You’ll see her soon”. Which resulted in full on shouting “I WANT MY MUMMY” on repeat. Non stop.
She was walking well and independently, no hand holding, no signs of falling flat on her face in the mud. No obvious cause of distress. Just wanting Mummy. Her older brother looked thoroughly fed up as well as the father. I did feel for the poor chap. I wouldn’t blame him for heading straight out to the pub once Mummy was home.

So your husband is not alone. I guess it’s a phase and will pass.

He does have little routines (in the morning) and a very good relationship with our younger DC. He’s not pouty. I think we definitely do need to create more 1 on 1 time with her though. I agree it’s a phase and he needs to persevere. I think he’ll be the one taking her to her weekend play date on Saturday! 😌 and always keen to have advice etc hence posting. Thank you!

My DD is like this but she prefers DH over me. I let her crack on, it’s just a phase and she’ll grow out of it in time. We have loads of one on one time together but she’d always rather be with him! The only thing we’ll do is say if he’s busy with one of the other DC and she’s screaming for him, we don’t give in.