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Advice needed. 5 year old self harming

1 reply

Whatthematter · 19/01/2026 19:55

DD is 5.5. Has always been a fairly easy child. We had the normal toddler tantrums. But they were short lived and actually seemed less than friends spoke of about their children.

About a year or so ago DD started biting and pulling/ scratching at her skin/face. This is when shes frutstrated or upset. Over the last few months this has got worse. To the point its an occurance almost every other day. It's more when shes tried and often triggered by transitions such as time to goto bath and bed or when shes annoyed at not being able to physically do something at the park or with writing/drawing. She has had a couple of what i would describe as meltdowns. Where she is caught in a cycle of frustration she can't get out of. I believe starting school has probably excerbated these episodes. But she loves school and is doing really well.

This all now feels outside outside the realms of normal behaviour for her age and i really want to help her before it gets worse. But i'm a bit confused and at a loss of how to approach it and where to go for support. We've tried firmly stopping her. We've tried gently stopping her and saying we cant let you hurt yourself. We've tried explaining why she cant do it. She's pretty good at labbeling her feelings and her description is she does it when her feelings hurt.

Obviously i'm aware this can be a sign of being neurodiverse. She does show other signs such as needing to know plans and routine and struggling in some loud and busy environments. But i'm honestly not sure this is enough to warrent a referral or diagnosis or would even be taken seriously.

She goes to a lovely small school that has dedicated support for childrens emotional wellbeing. But also not sure how to approach this with them as it feels a bit full on, also at school she will have a little bit of a sulk but keeps things in for home. Has anyone got any experience of this or where to go, school, GP, other? Or advice on how best to handle it.

OP posts:
Pashazade · 19/01/2026 20:38

Occupational Therapist may be a good place to start, as you can do this privately without having to wait for the NHS. They can help her find new ways to help regulate her feelings. Certainly enough for an ASD referral I should think. But a NHs referral will take some time. Read up on ASD in girls, she certainly sounds neurodiverse. I had this with DS and I’d try gentle physical intervention holding hands so they can’t hurt themselves but it is hard. As awful as it sounds I would redirect him to less fragile parts of the body, if I couldn’t stop him, (sometimes physically intervening made it escalate) just so he’d cause less damage. He’s a teenager now and this behaviour has mostly stopped unless he gets very stressed and then he will scratch still. So you’re not wrong to want to deal with it. But we started therapy when he was 5 and did OT and talking therapy for the next 7 years. It did help. Good luck.

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