Would you let your 4 year old go to a friends house without you?

[Whatthefork1]

My 4 year old has a friend at nursery, they have been in the same room since they started and I have been chatting to their parents for about 3 years now outside of nursery, at parties etc. we have also been round their house once before just for a hour. To me they seem lovely,
respectable people, they have a nice home and their children are also lovely.

The mum has invited my daughter over for a play date and I have also offered their daughter too.

My DH is absolutely set against it. He says we don’t know them well enough and he doesn’t want our daughter going round their house without one of us there also. He says that you don’t know what could happen, he is primarily talking about SA.

Am I incredibly naive? I would never want to put my daughter in a dangerous situation of course.

what are your thoughts please?

I absolutely agree with you and I tried to explain to DH that in cases of SA etc, it is almost always someone the family knows well or even a relative!

She can use the toilet completely independently and is very confident.

I agree with you on what age will be acceptable. I think DH thoughts are that she is too young to be able to know if something isn’t right or inappropriate.

Just learning to speak?? My daughter can very much speak and communicate the same way you and I can speak.

When my DCs were younger than this several of my friends and I would regularly have play dates without a parent being there, I fact I can’t remember any mum staying unless I’d asked them to come for coffee.
We did this regularly, swopping children, probably from a year old onwards.

DS did this before he was 3.

Children start school aged 4! They are not babies or learning to speak unless there are some special needs.
I don't seem the issue,big she is happy to go and you like the family. Play dates, going to a friend's house for tea after school is common in reception and one way that children make freinds.

Borderline age.

Your husband is being unreasonable - you do know the family, that's not the issue. It's more would your kid be OK. Some wouldn't be.

Mine were and we had mates over at that age for drop off playdates and others where the parent stayed to make sure all was OK.

My only thing is, if they have specifically been invited for drop-off, sometimes that's because where two kids play very nicely together, they'll go off and play trains or coloring or whatnot and parent can keep an eye whilst also getting dinner on, scrolling instagram or whatever. So please don't presume to also be invited to stay, if it's specifically a drop-off you can make your excuses and not do it, but I've had parents hanging around all afternoon wanting to be hosted, drinking my tea, asking for wine, wanting to eat the food I'd done for the kids when all I wanted was 5 minutes peace!

Can I adopt your mates?!

Maybe stay on this occasion then in future you’ll be able to see how comfortable you are. Four year olds are too young to communicate properly.

Dogs are also a consideration, not just older brothers and visiting uncles. My younger sister was bitten in the face aged 5 on a play date by a non-aggressive breed when she bent down to stroke it. I always ensure there are no dogs in the house or discuss my concerns with the mother. I don’t allow my kids to visit homes with staffies etc. Once I discovered the family that had invited my 9 yr old for a sleepover had an XL Bully!!!!

Of course it's fine - your DH is being ridiculous, just because he doesn't know them particularly well doesn't mean he can't trust your judgement, the parent who does know them. Is he even making any effort to get to know them - that would be a more reasonable response than just telling you no, at least recognising this is his issue and making sure DD didn't miss out.

Parenting is hard enough without a mismatch in parental control/responsibility. Does DH have trauma in his background, it's a bit of a knee-jerk and worrying response to jump to SA otherwise?

I think it makes kids more vulnerable to exploitation to mistrust everyone and miss out on normal things. You are teaching them how to make good judgements, showing them the difference between nice, trustworthy people and how they behave compared to people you feel uncomfortable about and why. If your upbringing means everybody makes you uncomfortable that is exactly the same as growing up trusting everyone - no instincts, no radar, no comparison of what is safe/normal.

How will OP insist on staying without implying her daughter may not be safe without her there?