We’ve all got to put our phones down haven’t we

[readingmakesmehappy]

I’m signed up to Smartphone Free Childhood and I’ve been following Jonathan Haidt and his evidence for the harms of social media for some time. Children shouldn’t have access to social media and ideally shouldn’t have smartphones at all, I agree.
But I see less discussion about the impact of parents and other adults using smartphones around children. Is the evidence not there? Of course they want them if they see us on them all the time - if we’re looking at them rather than our children, our children will want to know what’s more interesting.
We’ve all done and seen it. I’ve seen a mum on her smartphone while holding a toddler on her lap waiting for her older kid to come out of a class. A dad on his smartphone while pushing his daughter on a swing. Scrolling while our kids are drawing/doing play dough/building. I totally get it. I’ve done it. A lot of parenting is very very dull - those endless hours in playgrounds, all the waiting around. Is it time for us to learn to sit with that boredom? Is that what our mothers and grandmothers did? Do we need a campaign for Smartphone free (or reduced) parenting?
Though of course we also use those phones to check in for classes/swimming, register for clubs, do the grocery shopping, send pics to family, take important calls, pay for parking etc etc etc. Perhaps it’s the scrolling we shouldn’t do around them - nothing we wouldn’t be happy for them to see us doing. I don’t have the answers. But I think we need to examine our own behaviour too.

I agree.

There's nothing worse than seeing a family in a restaurant where the adults have got their faces stuffed in their phones.

It's terrible seeing everyone on.their phones. There is definitely a link between .less interaction with a child and the increase in the amount of speech therapists

I’ve a friend who is very careful around using her phone and when she does go on it around her children she tells them what she’s doing, ‘I’m ordering your school lunches/paying a bill/messaging granny etc’. Then when she’s done she puts the phone away and gives them her full attention again.

I don’t judge seeing people on smartphones with kids because eg as I walk into swimming with the kids I’m paying for parking on my phone but I judge people watching eg TikTok while standing in line with their kids/ at the playground. Just stand and chat to them/ watch them
play!!

Thank you for sharing, I like that idea. It must keep her accountable too since saying it out loud makes it really clear to her as well.

I use an app called focus friend. You set a timer for a screen free period and your character knits - you can later trade the knitting for furniture. But it makes sure my kids are getting 15 or 30 or 120 straight minutes I’m not on my phone.

I try to do this. I read something about teaching them that the phone is a tool for specific things, not an attention sucking vacuum of doom.

I carry a kindle in my bag now and I read instead of going on my phone.

Yes, I think this is the reason why children’s language development is slower, and why kids are starting school still in nappies and not able to brush their teeth, etc. It’s because many mums and dads have got their heads in their phones and are not parenting fully.

I recently went to a pub where about 8 people and an older baby were having a meal. The baby was given a tablet or phone to occupy them and not one adult spoke to that child the whole time they were there.

I am trying to be better about this - I try to keep Saturday as a largely phone free day where I just engage with the kids or do other non screen things unless literally answering a text, looking up when the pool is open, etc.
I also don’t pick up my phone until after we’re done eating dinner during the week… I’d like to push that further.

I do prioritize reading the paper newspaper and actual books. No matter how many times you say “I’m reading War and Peace on my phone”, I think it’s mostly going to just look like scrolling (although I do try to say what I’m doing). Interested in the discussion on this one.

Alot of my life is on my phone nowadays. I schedule, respond to emails, order things using my phone. It's life now.

I do wonder why people 'judge' this so much. There's nothing wrong with it in moderation. My child is developing well. She's ahead in her learning, we read together every night, we talk all the time, but sometimes I need to go on my phone in her company.

It's unfair to judge someone doing this in their child's company as they may well put it down when they're home. You're looking at a snapshot.

We can't be 100% present with kids all the time. It's no different to picking up a book or a magazine and telling our kids to go play.

People just need to put it down when their kids want to talk or play and if they're aware that their child is perhaps behind with speech or whatever, they need to recognise this and act accordingly.

I completely agree. Its something I am working on. My toddler is currently napping so I'm currently having a scroll. We try to have no screens on in the house. It works great when he is engaged and wants to play with me. But when hes independently playing I have got into a habit of grabbing my phone. If he notices he will take it off me. So I'm trying to put it out of the way and start reading books more.

What's the difference in terms of your children though?

Reading books is good for mental health, developing empathy and imagination, expanding vocab, increasing attention span and learning facts so it's a better model for kids to follow than the types of activity smartphones are usually used for.

I'm interested in this - I genuinely reckon about 95% of people are addicted to their phone. I include myself in that!

I am currently pregnant and already thinking about this - I feel like I use my phone too much with just general scrolling etc. I don't want to sell this to kids- it's a terrifying device!

Off to download the app a pp recommended,- thanks!

It's awful I work in a supermarket and most of the kids in a pushchair have a phone in their hand. The other day a mum needed the phone to pay she apologised to the child and said you can have it back after I have paid.
They don't need phones they need interaction with people. What do all these people think we did when there was no phones. In waiting rooms you read a book when out you would talk to them about everything around them. I feel so sorry for the children today.

I agree with you OP. I see it all the time - parents scrolling on phones while they're with kids. I'm guilty of it too.

I am addicted to mine. It’s so hard to put down! I love mews so can get properly stuck into a scroll.

when I was pregnant I downloaded Libby and BorrowBox and used my phone for audiobooks and ebooks while I was BF and walking around the park. But I wonder if looking at my phone while BF wasn’t great.

This is what I try do. It's hard to avoid using a phone completely. I deleted social media apps, which has helped. Now I only use social media consciously on my laptop. Also putting the phone on charge in the bedroom means when we are at home it's not on my person so I give DD full attention (except for moments like now where she is fully engrossed in an activity and I've come to hide in the bedroom for 10 mins - because I'm not an angel! )