Normal for 5yo or potential neurodivergence?

[Chick981]

Hi all,

Looking for some guidance on whether there is something more to my five year old DS’s behaviour.

He is a lovely boy who can be very kind and considerate… but he has certain tendencies that make me wonder whether he could have ADHD. At school he is the model pupil and they don’t seem to recognise anything that I’ve said - in fact it seems he is the complete opposite at school to at home.

Some things that are making me question whether there could be neurodiversity at play…

• He does not stop talking. Like ever. Cannot go a minute with it asking or telling me something. It is constant and has been this way since he was 2, I remember thinking it was a bit unusual then.
• Needs someone next to him to fall asleep
• Not dry at night
• Refuses to wear jeans and certain other clothes because of how they’re make him feel
• incredibly clumsy, no spatial awarenesss
• Very messy eater
• Pays zero attention to anything, always focused elsewhere or in his own world (while talking 19 to the dozen)
• Does not sit still unless tv is on
• No patience
• Hyper focuses on interests, borderline obsessed with a specific interest for months on end then it completely switches to something new

I’m well aware that this could be normal but I guess my gut is just nagging me that something else is going on here.

I am worn out by dealing with him every day - I genuinely feel that parenting him has increased in difficult with each year since he’s turned 3 rather than improving.

For a while I have also suggest that I may have ADHD but I’ve never done anything about it as I am genuinely not sure how it would help at this stage of my life, I feel like I have systems and everything in place that I need so that I juggle life pretty well.

Any thoughts? Or advice on how to take it further if the school don’t see an issue? He’s doing ok at school, very well behaved but struggles quite a bit with phonics and maths, to the point he’s had to have additional phonics support. (He’s in year one - summer born)

Not that it counts for me but my MIL says he reminds her of her youngest boy when he was little - since diagnosed with ADHD. Not sure if that is just putting more thoughts in my head though!

Could be adhd if an uncle has it but…
a lot of your list isnt adhd or is also seen in other things

• Not dry at night

that is common in adhd i think but— is generally pretty common in boys well past this age. He may just be drinking red squash too late at night

• Refuses to wear jeans and certain other clothes because of how they’re make him feel

sensory issues and not part of diagnostic crteria for adhd though can occur. Is part of diagnostic of asd. Or could be separate SPD

• incredibly clumsy, no spatial awarenesss

not part of adhd at all. Though again could occur. Is more specifically dyspraxia

• Very messy eater- dyspraxia?

uk adhd diagnosis requires 2 settings because in their opinion it would occur everywhere. Personally im on the fence re masking and adhd. My eldest doesnt mask. But can behave differently its not a choice of i must behave at school because she still never has but over time she got better at seeming to sit still while fidgeting and started turning in on herself as distraction. And now would never interrupt teacher as shes almost selective mute at school due to anxiety But my youngest was similar toddler difficult etc but as oldest in year has coped so far at school. But as soon as out of school emotions high every day and extremely cheeky. She also has some sensory issues with socks. i think she just has a lot of asd and adhd traits making harder to parent but having one that doesnt change behaviour at school etc that is a huge stressful extra issue Mine is definitely melting down because of stresses of being at school. my eldest which actively misbehaving actually you generally cant see a snap first

Does your dp have autistic or adhd tendencies?