Balance between gentle parenting and being firm?

[exhaustDAD]

Hello everyone! I have been thinking a lot about a certain aspect of raising my children. DW and myself have always agreed on the way we are raising our children. We knew a couple things for sure: We did not want them to have the childhood we had, where you actually need to be worried about doing something that would make them blow up and frighten you one way or another. And equally, we did not want them to become little people who would be entitled enough to believe they could get away with everything, walk all over us, adults, and feel like they are the centre of the world.

I do know children will always test boundaries, but lately I feel a bit helpless and stuck with them on this front. When they were little it was a lot easier, but now they really seem to not respect what we are telling or asking from them, until we start raising our voice. And I hate that.

How are you fellow parents doing regarding this? What works and doesn't work for you?

I worked on the principle of we don't negotiate with terrorists ( terrible twos through to terrible teens).
So if it's non negotiable there is no negotiation.
Classic for us presently. Pick up you socks you have removed on the couch (15 year old boy).
He doesn't do it. I ask again..... He doesn't do it. He is given socks into his hands...... He doesn't do it. I stand beside him/in front of TV, take X box controller out of his hands until he does it.
I don't negotiate, I don't explain, I don't discuss the meaning of life. His socks in a communal space is his problem.
Tidying his room different tack, as long as I can't see it and it isn't a bio hazard crack on. And I offer support if we get to the point where it needs fumigated. He doesn't want his mother helping to clean his room cos good ness knows what I might find.
We negotiate if he is going to football in freezing rain, we negotiate how much homework over computer, we negotiate curfews depending where he is going who he is with etc.
But communal living isn't fair, it is mundane it is boring and you have to pitch in. No negotiation, I'm the adult it's my house I set the expectation.
And sometimes I just lift the socks 😉

This
The consequences is they do it
I also gave one word commands " coat" " shoes"
Plus 1, 2, 3 Magic
If I get to 3 privileges are taken away
So "coat" then 1, rarely if ever got to 2 as my DS would go " yeah 1, 2, 3, 🙄we knoooow but do whatever I was asking
It actually became quite fun in the end
But hell yeah they did it

Quoting from 123 Magic
Designed to remove "talk-persuade-argue-yell-hit" cycle"
Obviously we did not hit but it gives you an idea of the frustrating cycle you are in.