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Parenting

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DD struggling to adapt after separation

7 replies

Kitty8204 · 17/01/2026 13:00

My husband and I split up almost a year ago. Kids are upper stages primary school and handled everything so well at the time but one of my daughters is struggling a bit now (age 10). They go to their dads every other weekend and one night in the week. She has always been more of a ‘mummy’s girl’ and I know she loves her dad too, but when she’s there, I am nearly always getting messages from ex saying she’s crying for me, she wants to speak to me. And when I have chatted to her on the phone it just ends up with her in an even bigger state than she was before. She needs to spend time with her dad but at the same time I don’t want to cause a rift between us if I ignore her and keep saying no that she can’t come
back to me. She wants to stay with me tonight, but it’s his weekend. How to I handle this to keep the balance right. Other daughter is coping fine. Ex and I are amicable so they don’t see us arguing, we’ve very much handed things calmly in order to keep the kids as settled as possible.

OP posts:
SleafordSods · 17/01/2026 13:39

How far away is he? Could she spend the day there but come home to go to bed?

Partiedout · 17/01/2026 13:42

I think it is a difficult age to force the separation. I'd say if your happy and he is close enough I'd compromise with her sleeping at yours but going to Dad's during the days?

Tammygirl12 · 17/01/2026 13:44

I was the same age. I wish I’d been allowed to spend day with my dad and sleep at my mums house

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Kitty8204 · 17/01/2026 15:28

SleafordSods · 17/01/2026 13:39

How far away is he? Could she spend the day there but come home to go to bed?

She’s about 5 miles away so that could be an option, but I thought if we agreed to that once she’d always want to do it. And I’m not always available if I’m working a night shift.

OP posts:
Kitty8204 · 17/01/2026 15:28

Tammygirl12 · 17/01/2026 13:44

I was the same age. I wish I’d been allowed to spend day with my dad and sleep at my mums house

Thanks, that’s interesting to know from a different perspective

OP posts:
SleafordSods · 17/01/2026 15:35

Kitty8204 · 17/01/2026 15:28

She’s about 5 miles away so that could be an option, but I thought if we agreed to that once she’d always want to do it. And I’m not always available if I’m working a night shift.

I don’t think ot had to be an all or nothing thing? Can she sleep at yours wheb it’s convenient? She’s old enough to realise that if you have a night shift she can’t be alone, same if you have a night out planned?

I think it is from around 10 or 11 that her views would be taken into consideration if you were going through the Courts so it’s not unreasonable to sit start to adapt the plan as she’s growing and maturing.

SleafordSods · 17/01/2026 19:16

Could you look on it another way @Kitty8204? Instead of struggling to adapt could she be struggling to make herself heard and get her needs met?

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