Tantrums, hitting and biting. Despairing.

[AAm2025]

Our daughter will be 4 in April. She's our only child.

Recently her behaviour has become really upsetting at home. It's not constant and she's extremely loving and well-mannered - she always tells us she loves us and says please/thank you and can wait her turn when playing with other children. We get told she's very good at nursery/Pre-School and with her grandparents.

With us at home, if we ask her to do something like get a coat/shoes on, or say we have to leave now so we'll turn the TV off, or say 'No' to something...an instant red mist comes down, she hits us, tries to kick and has bitten us a few times in sheer rage then has a huge tantrum. I move away and tell her 'we do not bite/hit/kick' and leave her to calm down but my Husband sits near whilst being hit etc, and tells her off and tries to explain to her what we've asked. I've told him it's not the right time to try and rationalise with her but all he says is 'she has to understand'. When she's calm, I explain that she hurt us and how would she feel etc, and she always apologises and we repeat, no more hitting/biting. But guarantee the next time is exactly the same.

This behaviour has escalated over the last couple of weeks. No change at nursery, still fine.
Just at home. Nothing has changed at home that we can think of.

We remove minor things if she hits/bites etc. So like no tablet for the rest of the day (she only has 30 mins throughout the day so we can get dressed or quickly tidy).

She has always slept through the night since being a baby but the past 3 weeks she's started waking between 12am-5am and coming into our bed 🙄 then has a tantrum if we try to put her back in her bed.

Anyone experienced the same savage behaviour? I'm at a loss now 🥺

I had the same problem with my daughter when she was 5!! We thought it was because we were expecting another baby but I’m not too sure it was. It was like a switch had been flipped and she would hit kick bite throw things at us. Refused to go to sleep in her bed but wouldn’t tell us why she was doing it over such small things like saying go brush your teeth please or put that in the bin. It was extremely hard to deal with and i cried over it a lot but I think it’s just a phase. They are still learning to express their emotions maybe it’s just that but who knows. I hope it passes soon for you

So glad our isn't just broken 🤣

We're definitely not considering another baby yet, possibly not ever with how she's being - I think the thought of having to do this again fills me with dread!

Teeth-cleaning ...is like a fresh hell. She refuses, screams at us, will not open her mouth, massive tantrum. Awful.

Thank you though, it's so upsetting because we're only trying to do nice things for them, like take them places and spend time with them and get kicked or hit in return. I absolutely understand they're still learning and testing boundaries etc but it's just not fun right now 😭

I feel you 😂one day she just stopped being like it and went back to normal. But I agree with you that when she’s tantruming to just leave her trying to talk about it won’t help it that moment. Maybe try asking her what it is that makes her feel angry or not want to do these things. Might not work but we tried everything possible

It's crazy isn't it! Just like a switch flipped! Hoping it doesn't last too much longer!

Oo thank you, good idea, I'll try that! Like you, willing to try anything!