Help... no improvement with potty training...at end of tether..

[aloha]

Just lost it with ds. He is now three and five months and WILL NOT tell me when he is doing a poo. In fact, he deliberately waits until I am out of the room and then does it in his nappy. It is driving me insane, frankly. I have just turned of Cbeebies and thrown his new Ikea snake toy in the bin because I told him that I would if he didn't tell me he was pooing. I have been patient, I have been encouraging. We have a 'talk' about this subject every bl day. He told me that he didn't tell me he needed a poo 'because I was too busy playing'. I am having another baby in two weeks and there is no sign of ANY improvement.... I don't expect him to take his own trousers/pullups off - he can't even take his own socks off - I just want him to tell me! And as for weeing...forget it. Can anyone help? Would so like to see some progress here and feel utterly frustrated and exhausted.

well....ds has his snake back, and - shock! - did a poo and a wee on his potty this morning. I've apologised for being such a cross mummy and things are better. I am actually thinking of writing to the school to query their 'no nappies' policy, esp in the light of ds's dyspraxia, only trouble is, we might possibly end up desperate to get him into that school, depending on when/if/where we move to, and don't want to screw that up.
Sofia, you are right, he is lovely and I shouldn't let this stupid business get to me so much. I suppose because he is bright in so many ways I find it extra frustrating that we can't crack this. I think yesterday I was feeling a bit upset to start with because for the first time I felt glum taking him to his physiotherapy playgroup and seeing his difficulties (not that he sees them as difficulties at all!). That and panic about having two is setting in. Was up until after midnight doing washing and dragging things (bouncy chair/baby vests etc) out of the cellar. Do NOT feel ready for this! Is it too late to postpone???

Oh, and thanks again. I think I did need a reality check.

Aloha, sorry this is so frustrating for you. not much to add to the wise words below esp from MUD and SofiaAmes, except to reiterate that you should put all thought of this out of your mind until the dust has settled a little after the baby arrives - you and ds just don't need this pressure on your relationship at this time.
The only thing I will add re the randomness of pooing - ds1 only 'regularised' after we started regular potty sitting - so you may find this will sort itself out. We would settle down for a story on the potty after mealtimes (way before he was ready for any active potty training) and most poos ended up in the potty after a while. that's something that can be done while feeding the baby too.
Good luck.

Aloha, I should probably have added this to my earlier post but at around 3 3/4 ds'toileting really improved. We had no further accidents at the preschool(and they had been maybe once a week on average there) and after that only very occasionally, when the routine changed ie he went on an impromptu walk and he didn't go beforehand. So if at least his preschool teacher is aware of the situation they can take steps to ensure, for example, that he went before they left. What I am trying to say is that if your ds can get to a certain stage of training so he is in pants or even pull ups the rest may be manageable for a preschool.

ds was dry at night by 4 on his decision with very rare accidents (usually when we are away and he gets disorientated locating the toilet).I hope this reassures you that it may still happen in your ds case, it is possibly just a matter of waiting for him to reach a certain point of maturity.

tbh you really don't need the stress of this atm and that is bound to have an effect on him even unconsciously. Take care of yourself and try to relax for these few weeks instead.

Aloha, if you start a thread on the SN topic about nappies and preschool, someone may be able to tell you more. Surely he is still in nappies because of his "special needs" ie the dispraxia.

Another alternative is to send him in pullups "in case of accidents" and hope he doesn't have a poo - is it just a 2.5 hour session per day?

He goes to the private nursery I have only very recently started him at (2 mornings a week) in pullups - and I've asked them to encourage him to go to the toilet when the other kids do. Yes, the helper (teacher?) there did look horrified but the manager was supportive. The woman I spoke to at the state pre-school just said flatly that they wouldn't take a child who wasn't toilet trained, and frankly, that isn't an attitude that would do my son any good. Not to mention the fact that it upset me. I do suspect that any child of nearly 3 1/2 who finds taking his socks off such a titanic struggle is likely to be slower to get the idea of potty training....but it is still incredibly frustrating!

Aloha I don't have any advice but am glad I am not the only cross mummy where potty training is involved. I have just left ds downstairs and come up to the pc to cool down. He was potty trained over christmas in order to take up a play group place and was reliably clean and dry. He is now back in pull-ups as the wee then poo accidents increased over the past 2 weeks. I feel like crying and when I ask him why he won't use his potty anymore he says he's not my friend . I think I'll leave it for my own sanity for a month and just hope he doesn't poo at play group.

pullups did nothing for my dd1, we went straight to knickers and tbh she wasn't too bad. are you/dh relaxed about pooing? (sorry for personal q)...i only ask because dh won't let anyone (not that i'd want to go in) into the bathroom when he's on the loo, but i'm quite open to dd1 and dd2 being around if i'm on the loo and we're all quite chilled about it. i didn't want them to pick up on their dad's anxieties (as a child he would not poo when they went camping and would end up terribly constipated a week later )

aloha - our ds1 is 3 years 2 months and adamantly refuses to try to wee or poo on the potty/toilet. We bought a potty ages ago and he chose his special underpants - he's a bright little thing and tells us when he's just about to do a poo - takes himself off into another room to do it! Just won't give up his nappies. We even got a big glass jar and filled it with Thorntons chocolates (he's a chocolate addict) and told him when he started using the toilet he could have some chocolate. Months later it's still in the jar threatening to go out of date.

We've now got a 9 month old aswell and I really empathise with your feelings on having them both in nappies - for me it's the expense of 2 lots of nappies and wipes that's the main issue!

I clearly haven't got any answers, just wanted to empathise. I know people say not to get stressed and that they'll do it in their own time, but I'm also getting worried that if he's still in nappies in September he won't be able to take up his pre-school place...

dot1 - I think our house will just have to be nappy central.... ho hum. Feel more cheerful about it today, despite no real progress. Ds is actually quite happy (most of the time) to sit on his potty or even the loo....just doesn't a/use it or b/tell us when he needs a wee or poo. See no end to that situation at present. But with this baby less than a fortnight away and piles of washing up to the rafters, it doesn't seem so pressing today as it did a couple of days ago!

Oh God, Aloha, I'm so sorry I missed this before. I did know about what happened - but missed this thread.
I know exactly what you mean about it being too upsetting to talk to them (nursery etc) when it comes up. You must be at your wits end. Will e mail you.