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Parenting

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Please tell me what an 8 year old boy should be like

15 replies

ThisBrickBalonz · 14/01/2026 11:29

my son has just turned 8. I don’t spend a lot of time with other 8 year old boys and am questioning whether his behaviour is normal or he may have autism. It’s hit me since he turned 8 that he’s getting older now but still acting quite young and doesn’t seem to be maturing as much as I’d have expected. He seems more neurodivergent compared to his peers than he used to and his 5 year old sister is much easier to engage with. Examples:

talks ‘at’ me obsessively about topics and will rabbit on and on about them despite me showing very little interest. however he is capable of holding a regular conversation but more than often it’s one sided ‘rabbiting’

eye contact is terrible, eyes darting round the room when talking to you. He can do eye contact if you remind him, but quickly forgets and starts roving. I’m not sure if it’s because he finds eye contact uncomfortable or if he’s so distracted by what’s around him

completely all consuming obsessions with whatever he happens to be into at the time. He will acknowledge he finds it really hard to get ‘off’ a topic and he finds the obsessions intrusive. He’s been like this since he was 18 months and got obsessed with fire hoses. It’s been one thing then another since then, e.g Xmas eve he just talked about Santa constantly, way more than he should have and I found it quite upsetting

often behaves in a silly way, throwing himself all over the place making stupid noises etc. always fidgeting, fiddling with stuff. takes jokes too far

he has severe anxiety in certain situations that is worsening with age. E.g starting new clubs, getting a haircut and around dogs.

he and his sister play imaginary games however she’s usually the one inventing the scenario etc. she’s 2.5 years younger than him.

gets a bit bothered if I use approximations e.g 6 months when it’s really 6 and a half months etc. he understands the concept of figurative language but will point it out when I say any figure of speech

laughs a lot but not really belly laughs. I don’t often find myself laughing with him at stuff and he doesn’t make me laugh like his sister does

he enjoys the company of other kids and has never lacked friends/people to play with although I do get a sense that he may be less popular than he once was, possibly due to his peers maturing and him not. He’s generally made friends easily though and still does and plays with a wide variety of kids.

he is academically bright, his teacher tells me he’s top of his set (which is top set). He’s particularly good at maths. Not really any behaviour issues at school apart from sometimes being distracted. His teachers always tell me how polite he is.

He can go for a couple of weeks at a time acting really ‘normal’, but then goes back to seeming really ‘off’.

His best quality is that He’s affectionate and has true empathy. If I’m upset he’s very sweet and understanding. He’s very caring and loving towards his younger siblings and has endless patience for his little sis who can often be a bit of a brat towards him.

would love to hear how the above compares to other boys of similar ages!

OP posts:
Kibble19 · 14/01/2026 15:36

Hmm, definitely some of the things you mention would be consistent with an autistic profile. Others, perhaps not.

Have the school expressed any issue at all, or is it just good feedback RE politeness? No repetitive behaviours there, no issues with change/adaption?

I’d consider bringing it up with them. Just dropping an email over with your concerns and/or asking for a chat with one of the staff who know him well. They might put your mind at ease about a lot of this.

MyKindHiker · 14/01/2026 15:44

2 boys 8 and 9. One neurotypical one autistic. Very social so a huuuuuge group of mates boys same age.

All the things you say really sound not unusual for 8 year old boys. When I go to parties with my neurotypical kid and meet all his neurotypical mates I often think to myself gosh all these boys just seem autistic. Honestly. I don't think we make enough in society of just how downright odd kids at this age are!

Things that would give me pause / gave me pause for my son - uncontrollable meltdowns, inability to have friendships, inability to cope in school. Real, tangible Bad Problems. I think it's great your son seems to have mates and be doing great in school.

The thing is - you can see a pediatrician if you are worried. And maybe he'd meet the diagnostic threshold for autism or ADHD or another condition. But you'd need to think a lot about what you'd want to gain from a diagnosis like this? If he's otherwise happy and doing well, would you wish to burden him with a diagnostic label which stays with him for life?

In your situation I'd probably wait and see and if his mental health, or friendships, or schooling started to suffer, then I'd push the button on a diagnostic pathway to support things like interventions in school etc. But thinking of diagnosis as a means to and end rather than an end in itself.

ObladeeObladi · 14/01/2026 15:45

I have an autistic 8 year old, plus multiple autistic family members.

Parts of what you say does sound like autism. For us early diagnosis was very valuable - we’ve done huge amounts of speech therapy, social group sessions, occupational therapy, and we now understand much better how to meet his needs.

Based on family experience bright “high functioning” autistic kids can often be basically ok in primary school and then run into more problems with the transition to secondary so I’m a big advocate of getting a formal assessment done.

If school doesn’t see it/has no concerns then it can be very hard to get a diagnosis on the NHS. I notice you say he’s in the top set which sounds like a private school? In that case you may want to consider a private assessment, just look for autism assessments in your area and join the waiting list.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

KillTheTurkey · 14/01/2026 15:48

DS1 is AuDHD, sounds similar to him at 8 (he’s 13).

He started meds (only in school) around that time and they’ve been transformative. How us your DS in school?

MiddleAgedDread · 14/01/2026 15:49

often behaves in a silly way, throwing himself all over the place making stupid noises etc. always fidgeting, fiddling with stuff. takes jokes too far
standard 8yr old boy behaviour IME!
The thing that jumps out at me is your comment about "talks ‘at’ me obsessively about topics and will rabbit on and on about them despite me showing very little interest" Is maybe he doing this because he wants your attention or wants you to show an interest in what he's into?

MyKindHiker · 14/01/2026 15:53

MiddleAgedDread · 14/01/2026 15:49

often behaves in a silly way, throwing himself all over the place making stupid noises etc. always fidgeting, fiddling with stuff. takes jokes too far
standard 8yr old boy behaviour IME!
The thing that jumps out at me is your comment about "talks ‘at’ me obsessively about topics and will rabbit on and on about them despite me showing very little interest" Is maybe he doing this because he wants your attention or wants you to show an interest in what he's into?

Do you think that's a huge red flag? Literally all my friends' kids monologue on about bay blades or mr beast or whatever gumph they're interested in! Boys at that age specifically. They seem to develop the social skills to have two way conversations by 11/12 years I think.

ObladeeObladi · 14/01/2026 16:05

I agree it can be normal for boys to be very boring with their obsessive monologues! I think it’s a sliding scale though. I remember one of my friends complaining about her kid “going on and on” about ninjago and then witnessing one of these monologues - he talked for 2 or 3 minutes and then moved on.

My 8 year old will talk about his special interests indefinitely - like I timed him once and he got to 45 minutes, and then I just firmly told him I could not keep talking about snails or I would lose my mind. So there’s a difference between “normal” monologues vs “concerning” monologues.

JacknDiane · 14/01/2026 16:09

He sounds entirely normal to me.

QforCucumber · 14/01/2026 16:33

Sounds exactly like my 9.5 year old, right down to taking jokes and playing too far - every single time.

partytimed · 15/01/2026 12:35

I think he sounds normal.

MarioLink · 15/01/2026 14:04

That does sound like my nephew who has autism. It sounds like your son is more social and academic that my nephew though.

OutOfVecnasReach · 15/01/2026 14:07

I have an 8 year old neurotypical ds, and your ds behaviour sounds in the realms of normal 8 year old behaviour.
They look so big and grown up but they’re still so little really.

ThisBrickBalonz · 15/01/2026 15:14

MiddleAgedDread · 14/01/2026 15:49

often behaves in a silly way, throwing himself all over the place making stupid noises etc. always fidgeting, fiddling with stuff. takes jokes too far
standard 8yr old boy behaviour IME!
The thing that jumps out at me is your comment about "talks ‘at’ me obsessively about topics and will rabbit on and on about them despite me showing very little interest" Is maybe he doing this because he wants your attention or wants you to show an interest in what he's into?

That’s a really fair point and I do think there is an element of attention seeking to it. I just can’t for the life of me feign interest in what him and various others have as their high scores on Numbots but I could make more of an effort to engage him on topics we’re both interested in. We’ve had a baby a few months ago and my attention is more divided than it was

OP posts:
APatternGrammar · 15/01/2026 15:32

I have two children your age and they have mostly grown out of the behaviours you describe. However, they are both very ’young’ at times and play with toys in a childish way. They don’t have any screens aside from TV for an hour at the weekend, whereas some of their peers have free rein with consoles and TVs in their room and have stopped playing with toys, so it seems natural to me that their peers seem older at times.
However, I don’t think you need to know the outcome of the evaluation to think it is worth having one. If it were easy as looking at the child, nobody would need a professional evaluation.

Monvelo · 15/01/2026 15:43

Sounds pretty normal to me, especially with what you've just said about having had a baby and perhaps not getting as much attention currently, which is understandable and you'll all be adjusting. My 8yo is just coming out of a How to train your dragon stage, it's all he's been talking about, he's got all the books, card games, been drawing all the dragons into a little square each, watching the show, taken the books in for show and tell... Yesterday he did some squeebles spelling app on my phone and is showing all the signs that this will be his next thing...

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