4 year old saying playing with nobody at nursery

[Halfwaythere26]

My 4 year old started nursery school in septemeber,teacher said at halloween he isnt mixing great. At christmas she said he plays outside with others but inside he doesnt. He came home past few days saying he has nobody to play with.

He goes to football and seems to have no problem mixing there,he also plays with people in our local park etc. I dont know what to do and if we should be applying to the primary school attached to the school if he has no friends?

Anyone beem through this?

I would ask for an appointment with the teacher and ask how concerned they are.
I would also ask if this went alongside any other concerns.

I would then ask how you and the school can work together to help him going forwards.

I wouldn't worry about the Primary school thing - many / most dc at that age play with whoever is around them and don't have specific friends when starting school.

At both the other meetings they said no other concerns.

I might phone her today. He is introvert by nature but i have seen him approach people etc outside of school.

There is 52 in his school,they said 47 moved across last year then 5 from outside the nursery.

Did he seem sad when he said he didn’t play with anyone? I ask that as I often enjoyed playing alone as a child. Not all the time and I had a group of friends I could play with on our street but I would often prefer to play on my own in my room (Barbie’s). Sounds like he mixes well in other settings so maybe the toys at nursery he just enjoys playing with alone.

This could mean that he is feeling lost and isolated or he is really content, that's what you need to find out. I'd say make appt with his key worker and have a chat. I work in this area and it's not uncommon for kids to not play with anyone but the reason behind it are vastly different.

Foe example I had a parent say exactly the same thing a few weeks ago. Her DD plays alone a lot but is very confident and sociable when she wants to be. There are certain types of play that she prefers to do alone. However when she wants to play with other children she does so, and she is confident in leading the play sometimes or contently following along other times. She handles conflict really well and rarely seeks adult intervention. What I mean is she will assert herself when needed, and tell someone to stop doing something she doesnt like, she too will stop is asked to do so, she can negotiate terms of play (eg you first then me) with a friend and tell a friend politely when she doesn't want them to play with her because she feels like being by herself now. I have absolutely no concerns about this child.

Another child complains no one plays with her. In fact she rarely plays alone and constantly wants to play with friends. When playing, she lets others lead the game and loves participating but tends to follow. If friends are busy with something or want to play alone she repeatedly asks them to play and doesn't respect their decision to not play with her. She often lingers beside children who have said no for whatever reason and annoys them, then gets very upset if they tell her to go away. She often seeks adult intervention complaining that so and so won't play with her, or isn't giving her a turn or isn't being fair. She will never assert herself and say no to another child, instead she will run off upset to us. If she doesn't have a child to play with she wanders aimlessly and can't occupy herself. Although she is playing happily most of the time, she is a child I am concerned about as she has poor social skills and lacks confidence around friendships.

one of mine didn’t play with anyone really in one of her preschools. But she had been very popular in her previous preschool.
anyway, as soon as she got to f2 of the very same preschool we’re she played alone, she suddenly got loads of close friendships even though it was basically the exact same kids as before.

maybe the environment is making him not himself and he’ll flourish in reception class. Less kids, a bit less noise, all the same age group, more structure etc, it all makes a diffeeence to how they engage with what’s and whose around them.

Oh and one of my other children is constantly complaining that various children wernt her ‘best friend’ today and preschool. But in fact she just means said child played with other people as well as her. They interpret things weirdly and express them selves in a way that takes a while to figure out what they actually mean.

I spoke with his teacher today. She isnt concerned but did ssy he has to be encouraged to join in with gsmes inside or brought over by teacher / classroom assistant. Outside he is fine and fine at lunch time.

They are all the same age,there is 26 in is class. Will be up to 32 in primary one class

Have you had anyone over for tea for him to build friendships with? If he has a birthday soon then throwing a party can also really improve your popularity at this age!

I asked him would he like.to bring anyone from school over and he said no. He just names kids from the street,cousins and my friends kids. He also didnt want to invite anyone from school to his party. I dont think a class party would suit his personality e

Is it possible that he's figured out the running around together, let's all go on the swings, etc. kind of playing together, but maybe isn't as confident with the more detailed discussions and negotiations that go with 'let's build a castle together' or 'let's play shops/doctor/Mums and Dads'? The former is usually an option outside, but less so inside, which might be why the difference.

Yeah possibly. He does really like playing "house" but he does play doctors etc at home and i have seen him.play it with others.

He is more interested in being outdoors maybe that is just it. Teacher said he chats loads at lunch table too

If you invited a child and his parent for afternoon tea every now and again, your son will likely grow to be more social inside.

You could instigate some of your DS's socialising.

He does t have anyone he wants to invite? We do have a lot of play dates with people outside school?

Is he an only child?
My son was similar - much preferred his own company and/or that of adults/older children than he did with children his own age. Starting at the school nursery was the first time he had been with all children that were his own age, as he went to a childminder in a small sibling esque group, and whilst he chatted to them he didn't really "play" as he didn't feel the need. There were "too many friends at school" as he told me one day, which was quite telling, and he preferred digging etc in the garden.

During nursery and reception in particular he was only friends with girls but now in Year 2 he has a pretty good mix of friends, and we have always been told that he is very emotionally intelligent which could be why he preferred the company of girls or himself initially as they were more likely to do "small world/role play" activities. I wouldn't worry unless he is feeling sad about it, particularly when he socialises well outside of school and he has only been there for one term.

Thanks this sounds similiar and reassuring..he has a brother,he is 10 months so they have really just began playing. He did go to creche 2 days per week too but had grandparents the rest of the week