Resentful rant

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I’m feeling really resentful and need to rant. We have a young toddler and I feel like all the hard stuff sits with me while my partner is some sort of Fairweather parent.

For context we both work full time, me mostly from home but I have to commute (100 miles) into the office just twice a month. He runs his own business and works a mix from home and in the office.

We moved out of the city because houses were too expensive and live closer to my parents. My partner has never had a driving license so 100% of pick up and drop offs sit with me. I do bedtime and bath time every single night, all the night wakes plus I wake up with DS every morning, get him ready, do breakfast etc while he sleeps in. Also he refuses to do nappy changes if she’s done a poo and on the odd occasion when he does do it he protests so loudly.

Over the weekend I asked him if on the 2 days per month I go into the office if either he could WFH, go into the office slightly later or leave slightly earlier to help with nursery drop off. He refused saying it would be a £30 taxi and this is why we moved near my parents. My parents already have DS twice a week so I feel like they do more than enough.

He is kind and loves to play with DS but I feel I don’t get any support for any of the hard stuff. He does contribute more financially which I think he thinks excuses him but I earn nearly as much as him and work full time too.

Not sure what I’m trying to achieve with this post really, just want to get it off my chest.

Quickly realise your dc doesn't need a playmate but a second parent.... Why doesn't he drive?
Has he heard of a bus?
Did he not realise dc poo when you had a baby together?
He needs a bloody good shake.

Welcome to men 😁

Rant now, divorce later. As you reach perimenopause you will be thoroughly p*ssed off and feel a huge lack of compensation for your efforts. It does seem that so many men are just ineffectual in relationships, parenting, basic household tasks. We used to blame them for being from a previous generation....but it continues.

At least we can rely on them to rule the world....oh, hang on...

He has been 'learning' to drive since I met him 9 years ago! He grew up and always lived in London so I think never saw the need to drive.

Hahaha this made me laugh so thank you!

If you do nothing else make absolutely sure that you do not have another child with this useless fucker.
Then think about leaving him - he is not going to get any better.

On a serious note, having to parent another adult is tiring.

Friends who have split from a partner have said they haven't noticed any difference in what they have had to do with daily life and the kids. Just had more free time to themselves and not had to wait around expecting someone to help.

I guess the best thing is to find what he is good at and how he can contribute and divide all the life stuff up on that basis. If he's great at vacuuming, then he vacuums, you deal with the dirty nappies.

The problems are stark when there is no balance. If that balance doesn't happen naturally (and, of course things change as children get older) then you need to sort it out actively. Agree on a list of things he will do that you feel are a balance with all the things you are doing. This is why Dads often go out and earn money and focus on their careers while the Mums stay more at home, drowning in childcare and housework. Some men have the ability to earn at work but not a lot else. And of course, due to pay gaps and general sex discrimination it's the one thing they can often do better than the Mums.

It is possible that he wasn't expecting the reality of children. I think many men are not - seems odd, but also seems to be the way it is. I think it is also less common for both parents not to to have such active experience of children in more recent generations. If the realities are not discussed beforehand, it can bring surprises to both.