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16 month completely different since starting nursery

7 replies

user276 · 12/01/2026 05:47

My 16-month-old has been completely different since starting nursery a few weeks ago. He does 3 consecutive days there. While he’s there I end up checking in almost hourly as I’m so worried — they usually say he’s teary on and off but can be distracted.

At home though he is like a different child. He’s extremely unsettled, crying a lot, very clingy and uncomfortable, and his sleep has completely fallen apart. He’s waking every hour overnight and is very distressed.

When I hold him he isn’t jolting as if frightened, but he is shunting back, going very stiff and rigid, arching away from me, which is really upsetting to see and feels more like discomfort than fear.

What’s confusing me most is that he’s also showing all the signs he usually gets with his dairy allergy (poor sleep, extreme unsettledness, crying, discomfort), but nursery have confirmed he hasn’t had any dairy at all.

I know nursery is a huge transition and I expected some upset, but this feels quite extreme and constant, especially the night waking and how uncomfortable he seems at home. I’m torn between thinking it’s emotional overload from the 3 long days, separation anxiety, or whether something else is going on physically.

Has anyone else experienced such a big change after starting nursery? Did it settle? Could 3 consecutive days be too much at this age? Any experiences or thoughts welcome as I’m feeling really worried.

Thanks ❤️

OP posts:
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Starrystarrysky · 12/01/2026 05:56

Can you go through what they're feeding him with a fine tooth comb? I haven't personally experienced it - but seen a lot of stories on MN of nurseries who say they are following dietary requirements, but the chef hasn't realised something in the menu contains the allergen. Or is he grabbing other children's leftovers? Could they be giving him 'lactose free' and not dairy free?

Both mine went in for 5 days earlier than yours, and neither had such a difficult transition, so I wouldn't assume it's normal settling in. Equally, some children do find it a lot harder than others. I think you as the Mum know if your child will be one of the ones who finds it tricky, or if something else is at play here. Trust your instincts.

PenguinsandWhales · 12/01/2026 13:37

Something is not right. I would take him out and change nursery.

It's not just the potential dairy stuff but they may be neglecting him or maybe he doesn't like them, something just isn't right.

I have a 16 month old and that would break my heart, they are still very little.

Lionbaby · 12/01/2026 13:55

Sorry to hear you and your son are going through this.

To me the most likely issue is the dairy allergy - could something be slipping through in what nursery give him? Does he become more settled towards the end of the 4 days he is with you when you’re sure he’s not having any?

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user276 · 12/01/2026 21:41

* wanted to add - he has only been there a week *

OP posts:
VikaOlson · 12/01/2026 21:47

Has he only done a week, or a few weeks?

At 16 months it will take a while to settle so if this is just one week in, it's probably just the emotional impact.
It might take 6 weeks for him to settle.

Ontherocksthisyear · 12/01/2026 21:48

He is not responding well to the change. It'll be the shock of starting nursery. I will probably get better as time goes on. The reality is Nursery is not natural to our biology.

SleafordSods · 13/01/2026 04:21

How was he during the settling in sessions?

I also agree with going through exactly what he eats in a day. I have CMPA too and the amount of times people confuse it with being GF is ridiculous. People have also said thibgs to me like “well just a little bit won’t hurt”.

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