Hi everyone,
I’m hoping for some advice or shared experiences please. It’s a long one- Sorry!!!
My son is 9 and really struggles with extreme FOMO, particularly when it involves his friends. If he thinks his friends are doing something without him (or hears about it after), he takes it very personally and becomes extremely upset. It feels much deeper than “normal disappointment”.
An example that happened yesterday he went to play golf with his dad. Golf isn’t his thing, football is his absolute life, but he went because his dad loves it and I think he can enjoy it. When they arrived, his dad received a voice note from a friend saying that he and his sons (who are my son’s best friends) were heading to the local park to play football. As soon as my son heard this, he didn’t want to play golf anymore and desperately wanted to go and join them. Apparently it escalated into an argument, and they then sat in silence all the way home (which breaks my heart).
Another recent example which I’m still really embarrassed about. His friends mentioned that they’d been to his favourite café without him. When I picked him up from school and we bumped into one of the mums (who we’re very close to), my son immediately said to her that he knew they’d gone, the moment he came out of school and saw her. I was honestly mortified, and it showed me how much mental energy he puts into tracking what he might have missed out on. But he also came across as extremely rude. I pulled him on this big time in the car and he lost the plot and was hysterical crying seeing a completely different tone and delivery to his message than I did.
I do try to talk things through with him calmly. We explain that we can’t always be included in everything our friends do, and that friends are allowed to do things without us- an emphasis on the freedom of others, it isn’t an attack on him, it doesn’t mean he’s being excluded, and it doesn’t change how much they care about him. We explain that this is just part of life. But emotionally, he really struggles to accept this, even when he understands it logically.
He’s an only child, and I do wonder if that plays a role. I also have diagnosed ADHD, and he shows EVERY trait but school don’t feel he presents that way at all, so I’m a bit stuck in limbo at the moment.
I’m really worried about how deeply he feels these things and how hard it is for him to regulate himself when they happen. It often comes out as snappiness or defensiveness rather than sadness, and actually rude sometimes and I don’t want him growing up feeling constantly rejected or on edge socially. He is a really lovely, kind boy he’s popular with amazing manners and a heart of gold but he’s his own worst enemy at the moment.
Thanks so much for reading this far- It’s upsetting me as I this as I realise this is exactly how I felt in my twenty’s when I also felt excluded from social events! Arghh! I would love any help!
Thank you 🩷