Toddler and baby with no village

[ambitiousgoose]

I have a 3YO and a 6 month old baby and I’m struggling! My toddler is highly sensitive and needs me a lot when we are out. He can become upset over anything and is unpredictable. He goes to nursery 2 days a week which we had to cut down as he was finding it too much, having big outbursts and some ticks due to overwhelm.
so I’m home with both children for most of the week. DH works away at times or is away all day coming back just before bedtime. I’ve been going and going, telling myself it will get better but I’m really finding it tough.
Baby is EBF and will not take a bottle and I’ve tried. I’ve recently tried a sippy cup but they are still learning… I guess I’m looking for some wise words, some things I can think about to get through this brutal stage of motherhood 🫠 I’m exhausted, can barely think and feel as though I’ve lost myself this time around.
my family are all 1.5 hours away or more so we sadly don’t often have visitors. I go to the groups - but with my toddlers needs and babies, can’t say they are enjoyable and are often a big stress to get out of the house and drive to. There will always be some kind of meltdown and then I’m left juggling 2 children with very different needs.
thanks if you’ve got this far!

A knackard, overwhelmed Mum 🤣🤪

Is it possible to find childminder who can cater to your toddler’s specific needs? He’s going to have to get used to some kind of setting if he’s starting school in 1 or 2 years. Also, try and get out for at least one or two hours at the weekends. Book a class or something at a specific time so you can work around BF.

Aw I have the same age gap and it's bloody hard work, and I think 4-6 months was when it really peaked in terms of difficulty! Things that helped: a group in the morning that would tire my toddler out, then they'd both sleep in the pram on the way home. Plenty of activities at home for after lunch like sticker books, colouring, blocks for building, playdough etc to keep the toddler entertained whilst still being able to BF the baby. Going out to the park about 3pm every day regardless of weather, baby would usually sleep in the carrier or pram and it would tire the toddler out before dinner/night time routine. Things also improved loads when the baby started crawling as they started to entertain each other!

My baby is now almost one and it's much much easier (although has other challenges but I'm more confident now!). I would also echo a PPs suggestion of exploring childcare for the older child as it will prepare them for school and also might make them more likely to engage at groups/not be too attached to you which will help with the overwhelm (been there!!). Good luck, it will get easier and easier

I hated the car it was too much faff - are you able to walk anywhere and coincide with naps? If the groups are hard work (I understand tbh) what about something less structured like a wander around a museum or just going to the library?

It was just absolutely horrendous for a while. Unfortunately this is one of the potential side effects of having kids. It does pass, even if it doesn't feel like it will when you're in the trenches.