11 week old cries all day and doesn’t sleep - I am not coping.

[maria199]

Basically what the title says. I have an 11 week old and she has been quite a generally unsettled baby since 3 weeks old, however the past 5 weeks and especially the last week she has been so unsettled and I am losing the plot.

Since around 3 weeks old she has resisted sleep in the day, but would contact nap. Now, she does not contact nap, or be put down, or fall asleep anywhere. The only places she will sleep is in the pram if we’re walking (and this isn’t a given) or in the car seat. Occasionally she will fall asleep at my breast but she wakes up in a flash.

I feel like all she does is scream and cry all day. She has generally been quite a good night sleeper, although the last 3/4 nights she hasn’t even been as good at that. At night she will sleep in a swaddle in her cot next to us, and will usually sleep from about 8pm. Sometimes she doesn’t wake up until 5am, other times she wakes up around 2am and then will be up a few times. Her general wake up for the day time is between 7 - 8am.

The things I have tried for sleep are:

• Swaddling in the day
• White noise
• Rocking her to sleep in Moses basket
• Putting her down in her cot upstairs in a dark room
• Contact naps
• Cuddling/rocking in arms
• Music to fall asleep to
• Going for a walk in the pram
• Going for a drive
• Letting her cry (never ‘cry it out’ but just having her on me or near me whilst she cries and I gently soothe her)
• Putting her in a sling

The things I have tried to address the constant crying/screaming:

• GP - they have prescribed Gaviscon and Laxatives which we give twice daily
• Infacol
• Calpol
• Osteopath
• Playing with toys / on play mat
• Tummy Time
• Soothing/rocking/cuddling
• Music
• Feeding for comfort
• Dummy (different shapes and sizes)
• Tried formula feeding in case breastmilk wasn’t filling her up enough

I feel I have tried everything and she still will just cry and scream at me all day and she does not sleep. I have absolutely no respite except when she goes to bed at night. I can’t put her to bed any later than around 8pm as she is so exhausted by this time
from not sleeping all day that she completely crashes.

I feel like a complete failure as a mum as I cannot ever seem to soothe my baby. She looks at me and often just cries more. I love her so much and want the best for her, but I really feel like I am losing the plot and her constant crying is making me anxious to do things with her. Until this last week she was much better out of the house so I was always out with her but now she doesn’t even seem better out.

I feel like I can’t cope with this anymore and I am so envious of people with happy, smily babies when mine just seems furious at the world. I am worried it’s something more and that she is in discomfort or pain and I am trying my best to do what I can for her but it is just really hard.

To be honest, I think that I just needed a rant and I don’t expect any advice or that anything can help but I feel like I need to get this off of my chest.

I’m really sorry you’re struggling OP, it is relentless having an unsettled baby. My daughter was exactly the same, it didn’t feel like anything I did was good enough and like you I tried everything. I now have a 9 week old baby boy and he is the most calm chilled baby, just happy and content to be here, sleeps in his moses basket, happy to chill on his play mat- I haven’t done anything at all differently, he is just an easier baby. It is not you, it’s nothing you have done or not done, it’s not your fault, some babies are just more difficult than others. No advice as I know you have tried it all but solidarity, it does get easier I promise x

It will pass. I know it feels like it won't but it will. It's very very hard and I'm sorry you're struggling. Everything to do with babies is a phase.

My child like this had silent reflux. It was a very long and soul destroying 6 months.

They were my third and the HV and GP just would not listen.

If your baby is not sleeping much during the day, then I would guess the crying and unsettledness is because they're extremely tired!

My wee boy is 12 weeks old now. He's my third baby. He is definitely the worst sleeper and the most unsettled of my three! Like yours, he'll sleep reasonably well at night, still with some wake-ups (as you'd expect, at this age). But during the day, it just feels like such a struggle to get him to sleep. My other babies would just sleep for hours, fall asleep on the boob and, in hindsight, it was a breeze!

But this one. He just does not settle in the same way. More often than not, I cannot get him to sleep longer than 30 minutes. I suspect this in itself is due to overtiredness, and then as the day progresses, he just gets more and more unsettled and upset. By the evening, he is basically just crying the whole time he's awake. I feel like I've tried all the things, too. He's sickier than my other babies, so I'm also wondering if it's a reflux issue? But who knows.

So, maybe not much help, but I think if you can get him some more sleep, you'll probably have a happier baby. At least some of the time. They say the first nap of the day sets the tone for the rest of the day, so I always prioritise this one. I pay close attention to wake windows and look out for sleepy cues. You'll be surprised how quickly they need to go back to sleep for their first nap of the day. If he wakes up before about 45 minutes, I always try to resettle (with varying results). Even if this means the rest of his nap is a contact nap, or I have to feed back to sleep. This definitely does not always work, but I do find if I can stretch out that nap, the day is marginally easier. And once we have this one down, I can focus on subsequent naps.

From what I understand, this is totally normal developmentally. So, I am just holding out for when his circadian rhythm develops properly and I might see a few longer naps. Mentally, it's tough. But trust me, all of these things are always just a phase. Try to surrender to this time now, just be there to love on your baby. Forget about anything else.

Solidarity OP - I had a baby like this, it’s a nightmare.

Mine calmed down at 4 months and then was a lovely baby after that - the only thing on your list which we found helped a bit was colief.

I also used to hand them over to my DH when they got home and go out on my own for a bit!

I think if she really does seem to be in constant discomfort it might be worth a trial of Omeprazole
or similar medication for reflux. It can be life-changing when that’s the issue. Is she gaining weight ok?

I had a very unsettled baby at 9 weeks and went down various rabbit holes for settling him but actually it was a bad latch which NO ONE diagnosed until I saw a private feeding consultant. He wasnt getting enough; he had enough to gain weight slowly but not enough to feel satisfied. He was sucking as if through a straw. Feeding position corrected and a babymoon worked wonders. I also topped up with formula for a while and that made a difference to him settling which in my case was proof that it was hunger as much as anythjhg else. Your baby may have a different reason for being unsettled but as time goes on the baby may be heavier and feeding angle may be altering the latch or even tongue tie occurring undetected.

Please see if you can get advice re feeding from a reputable source. It took me ages and NHS no help.

Also night feeds can be really important for boosting supply so I would be surprised the baby is sleeping 8 to 5 unless utterly exhausted. I may be wrong on that one of course.

Oh OP I really remember this feeling. I had ‘The unhappiest baby’ in the world and it was the hardest time of my life. He cried constantly.

We tried everything; reflux meds (including omeprazole), CMPA milk, tongue tie cut x2, osteopath x2, paediatrician review, more sleep, less sleep , and a 1000 other things… nothing worked. I was very depressed. Couldn’t take him anywhere as he just screamed. He went to nursery at 9 months which should have been some respite but even that was so hard as they too found him miserable and often sent him home thinking there was something wrong with him!

We never got to the bottom of it - and unfortunately he did take a good 18 months for him to realise he didn’t hate life 😦 however, most of the reading I did showed that most babies come out of this stage much quicker than that, so don’t despair.

Things that helped:

• I was out walking with him in the carrier nearly constantly, often 3-4 times a day, as this did soothe him
• … honestly can’t think of anything else that helped 😅

I actually made several threads about it at the time (different username) so if you google for mumsnet threads about unsettled babies then you’ll find some suggestions there too.

It is really hard OP and not everyone will understand, (‘all babies cry’), but I truly do, and hope it improves very very soon x

I had one like this too. Well similar as mine would only sleep on me at night so I didn’t get a break then either. It almost broke me.

With ours it turned out to be Tongue Tie. Have a read of these symptoms and see if any of them are familiar

I have a 10 week old. My third and also a problem. Not too bad at night. Still wakes and needs to be fed twice. Goes down well after the first feed and it's a struggle to get her back to sleep on the second feed. In the day she only really falls asleep if I put her on me in the baby carrier this helps while I'm running around after 4 and 6 year old but I have scholiosis and it kills my back! I've got a few different carriers and they all hurt me. I get all hot as well. (Glad she's a winter baby 😂) But as she's my third I do know it it as a phase and things will get better. It's just hard right now. You seem to have tried everything! More than I have. All I can think of is silent reflux or it being just how she is (for now)

Things will get better though. If you're not breastfeeding i suggest a wine every now and again to take the edge of...

One thing I have found that helps with day time sleep is getting them down for the first nap early enough. If she's awake at 7am I'd have her fed, changed and in the pram/sling for the first nap at 8, 8.30 latest.

My dc was like this and only settled when bf. I literally fed all day during this age. Turns out he had a tongue tie and wasn’t extracting enough milk. Is her weight gain ok? My ds wasn’t gaining enough weight and cried due to constant hunger.

It’s horrendous, I had this with my second. Have you considered reflux? It’s not your fault. My DD was reflux baby and neurodivergent so realised being born and adjusting the outside world was probably a massive sensory overload…

Oh bless you OP. I was in your shoes 35 years ago and it feels like yesterday. I walked and walked with him in a pushchair all day, and paced the house with him in a sling in the evenings, for what seems like decades in my memory. By the time he was 4 months old he was much, much better, and we never found any reason for his misery. His own son was exactly the same.

All I can say is this too will pass. 💐

Please take her for an appointment with a cranial osteopath. It was an absolute god send when my daughter was a baby. Honestly, it will be the best money you ever spend. If you're in London I can recommend somewhere. It's like magic x

I had this at the same age with my dd, in desperation I bought the contented little baby book and went full on with a routine.

Dd needed to go back to bed approx an hour after waking up in the morning which was a revelation to me. I also had a similar routine to day naps as to putting her to bed at night.

She was a very sensitive baby and I think was just completely overwhelmed with sensory overload.

There were times I put her in her cot and left her crying for a few moments as I knew I was starting to lose my mind. It’s fine to do this if you need a break.

It's literally magic 😂

How did you get on with the formula feeding?
Has she been checked for an allergy or reflux

I had this with my first. At 17 weeks she was diagnosed with severe silent reflux, alongside the physical reflux her GP had been treating since 6 weeks and multiple food allergies. Within a week I had a different baby. At 17 weeks she had development delays due to how distressed she was but a month later she was perfectly average.

You're right in the middle of the "purple crying" phase, which can last anywhere between 2 weeks to 5 months old:

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/purple-crying

Some babies grow out of it quickly (ours started around 8 weeks and was out of the phase by 11 weeks), others take longer.

Remember that there is nothing you have done to make it happen. It is a phase, albeit a very difficult one.

Remember as well you also need to look after yourself. It is OK to set the baby down somewhere safe and just take a few mins to yourself to get yourself in the right headspace again to deal with it.

This was me with my first child. It turned out she had a milk and soya allergy. Once I cut these out of my diet she was an absolutely different baby.

I had the same with my second but knew the signs to look out for which made it so much easier.

Have a look into CMPA and see if any of the symptoms fit. My daughter’s symptoms were crying all of the time, bad sleep and her poos were full of mucous. After 8 weeks of constantly crying I noticed a small amount of blood in her poo and that made me realise there was something definitely wrong.

I hope things settle down for you soon, those 8 weeks were a really difficult time for us.