At wits end NINE year old hopeless at getting ready in morning, forgets everything

[chickenlips]

My ds3 is nine, not a toddler, and is absolutely hopeless in the morning. Despite a well established morning routine and tried everything. DC 1,2,3 are mostly well organised and can pack bags, remember pe kit, get in car when told to,etc. He's supposed to get dressed straight after breakfast at 7.30 and be ready to leave house at 8. Every morning goes upstairs and vanishes (I am getting ready for work and sorting the others out etc, dh has already left, so cannot stand over him) and then I find at 7.55am he is still in pyjamas. It wouldn't bother him if I made him get dressed before having breakfast as he is never hungry and has to be chivvied to eat anything at all would quite happily not bother with that either. Shouted at him this morning, felt terrible. Have tried reasoning, discussion, star charts, confiscating pocket money, removing privileges, making him go to bed early, and many more. Nothing seems to really bother him all that much so nothing is that effective because he's not bothered about the consequences. Even not playing on computer games/TV ban for quite a long time, it works for the time but as soon as its over he reverts, unless we nag and remind every 2 minutes in the morning. When he forgets things (homework/PE kit) he's told off at school but that doesn't bother him either. Surely he's much too old for me to remind him to do these basic things!!! has anyone else experienced this with an older child and have you got any tips, would be SO grateful.

DH is 31 and still forgets everything!

Make a chart of what he has to take each day, make him pack it all the night before and check it off against the list and leave it in a box by the front door.
I'd make him get dressed before breakfast, and implement a system of not ready = no tv that night

good idea - reflecting, part of our problem is that we've always done the school reading at the breakfast table and hence its not getting packed. going to try making him do it at night and packing up. Trouble is, no tv at night doesn't work, just sits in his bedroom and reads his book quite happily. He actually doens't care about not watching tv. What an odd child.

Is there anything that does motivate him on a day to day basis ?
Do the DCs get their pocket money whatever, or does it have some linkage to what they do in the week ? Say, you expect them to organise themselves, get dressed, put washing in the basket etc, and for every day this is done they get x amount, adding up to their weekly sum (maybe a bonus if done everyday ?)- very consistent and applying to everyone.

I'd rather read than watch tv too though !

I can't think of anything! He doesn't get regular pocket money - I didn't start the others until they were about 11 because they never asked me for any and they never went shopping really. He only gets cash say for his birthday or xmas and that accumlates for months. I am going to start confiscating some of that but in the past have done that without any appreciable effect! Agree on the reading...gets totally absorbed in whatever it is and doesn't realise how short a time he has in the morning to get ready.

Is very normal. My ds is the same(11). You just have to learn to live with it and appreciate his less irritating points! Oh, and shout upstairs regularly. I have got into the habit of saying "please go and...please go and..there, I've said it 15 times will you do it now?"

Ah, he's a reader. I was often like that as a child if there was a good book within reach, although I did mind being shouted at or told off at school so not quite as bad as your DS.

Could you do a two-fold approach, have everything ready the night before and all hung on a hook/put beside the door and also make his bedroom a book-free zone so that he's not tempted when he goes up to get dressed in the morning. Even now as an adult I find the mornings a difficult time to resist a book and sometimes sneek a quick chapter in while still in a soggy towel after my shower.

Have you tried using a kitchen "pinger" timer? They tick loudly as time passes giving an audible reminder to keep on getting ready, if he's a dreamer. Definately wash and dress before breakfast, clothes all laid out ready to put on. Give 10 mins max before the pinger goes off. If he makes it to breakfast before the pinger goes, give some sort of reward. You say he likes reading; how about if he gets ready by, say 15 mins before you are due to leave, he can read then? Assuming he has done everything on his list?

There are a lot of kids the same. If it's an organisational thing, completing a checklist each morning is a good idea, and having everything ready the night before. The thing is, they have little care for the passage of time, that they are inconveniencing everyone else by making them late/ holding them up. Getting ready in the morning is dead boring to them. They cease to hear people nagging them to hurry up and simply tune out. I had the opposite problem with DS, not bringing things home again (lunch bag, dirty sport kit, homework, etc.

Have the same trouble with Dd (8.5) I've stood at her door and watched her trying to read whilst balancing to put on a sock.

Sometimes it is not reading though, just day dreaming. Can say quite clearly, "DD go and put on your blazer." "OK" then 5 seconds later she says, "What did you ask me to do?" How I haven't throttled her I'll never know!

We dress before breakfast now and have toothbrushes and flannels in the downstairs loo, so less journeys and distractions.

She has a laminated list of what kit she should take everyday and one with all things she should have done before leaving the house (wash face etc!)

She does have dyspraxia but is also just away with the fairies, recently at school swimming she forgot to take her pants off and put her swim costume over them and went in the pool - had to spend the rest of the day with her navy sports shorts under her dress.

No solutions, only empathy.

thank you ......made the chart last night and a big improvement this morning, he ticked everything off and was ready 10 mins early. I told him I would confiscate £1 every day he did not do his chart. Just hope its not a flash in the pan! Sadly cannot remove all books from his room he shares with his brother and there are thousands in there as nowhere else to put them. interesting to hear that there are others with this problem with older children. You kind of expect it with much younger ones - and I really want him to be more independent as I know he'll get into trouble at secondary school if he carries on like this!

""Trouble is, no tv at night doesn't work, just sits in his bedroom and reads his book quite happily. He actually doens't care about not watching tv. What an odd child""

Is he a really imaginative child - does he get lost in his day dreams?

My 8yo dd1 is like this, always late to get ready in the mornings. It's very noticeable as our 6yo and 4yo are fine with getting up and ready but 8yo has always been appalling. She's very dreamy.

One thing that seems to work a bit with us is that she had a hamster which died, and I am saying she can't have a new pet til she has time to get herself ready for school and still have time to feed the pet. she loves animals so this is quite an incentive for her.

We also use the incentive that if they are totally ready for school in the morning they can watch tv (for about 10 minutes). this works for my 6yo but not for dreamy 8yo.

but really she's chronically forgetful and dreamy and not much works. It's hard to be draconian for something which is so much her character. She's very easygoing and gentle to be around and this seems to be the flip side of that good trait.

Get him to pack his bag the night before and go through with him what he needs. I always packed bags with my children when they were at primary school.